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A Good Blaster
By Dave S (AKA ThePerennial)
“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.”
Han Solo said it best; it’s all that you can depend on in this business. It’s practically why I chose this job. I’ve copied almost every career choice he’s made. I work for major underground organizations (you know, the ones lead by Hutts?), I have a correllian freighter to transfer “goods”. I’ve even got the same blaster he has: the good old reliable BlasTech DL-44 is always at my side.
I’ve idolized Han ever since I’d heard stories of him as a little kid. Escaping bounty hunters and the Empire and making money doing it. He made it look so exciting whenever I saw him on the holonet news. He made it look so easy. Too bad I’d never heard Han talk about how bad this kriffing job could get. Maybe that’s why he joined the Rebel Alliance. Maybe that’s why I should’ve.
It’s a cold, wet night in the Corusanti underworld and I’m waiting behind Beedo’s Diner for a shipment of “goods” to come in. These damn rodians never show up on time. My client, Barra the Hutt, is gonna be furious if I don’t get the shipment in by the end of the week and these beady-eyed koochoos have stood me up three times before tonight. Why did I just call them “idiots” in huttese? Oh yeah, because I like swearing in huttese. I wish I knew how to speak the language fluently so I could yell expletives at them in complete sentences.
I do speak a little huttese. In this business, you have to. It’s where the big credits are if you’re a smuggler. I mostly know the swear words. I’d picked the language up from an old shipmate, actually. Ironically, he was rodian. The only rodian whose head I didn’t want to blow clean off with my blaster.
“Forget it,” I say to myself “They’re not coming.” I’ve waited two standard hours in the rain and cold and those noseless nerf herders haven’t shown up yet. I’m leaving, but I’m freezing and I’m wet. I’ll stop in the diner for a nice hot mug of caf and hopefully they can toss me a dishrag to dry off with.
“Koona t'chuta?” ‘Going somewhere?’ asks a voice. I raise my blaster in its direction and see that they’ve made it… two hours late. I have little patience and an anxious trigger finger. These rodians better watch what they say.
“Kapa tonka.” ‘Hands up.’ I reply. I’ve got the taller one’s head in my sights. I’m aiming for his left antenna for a warning shot.
“Ap-xmasi keepuna!” 'Don't shoot', begs the shorter one “Dolpee kikyuna!” 'I am a friend!'
I can see that my ‘friend’ has urinated his pants in fear. Charming.
I lower my blaster, but I still wanna cave the tall one’s stupid, slimy face in. I can’t decide whether these things look more like bugs or correllian sandfrogs, either way I want to shoot the tall one right where his nose would be if he had one. He’s giving me a dirty look… I think. I can never tell with those big beady eyes.
“You’re late.” I say. They look at me perplexed. I forgot they speak huttese. “Alay,” I say, “You’re both Alay.”
They nod in apology. The shorter rodian wraps his jacket around his waist to cover his urine-soaked pants. I look at him and say “And you, my friend are stoopa peedunky.” A stupid punk. “The rain’s going to soak you anyways, why cover it up?”
Fierfek, rodians can be so stupid sometimes. I wonder if they even brought the “goods” with them. Knowing how dense rodians can be, they probably left it somewhere, and I’ll have to explain to Barra the Hutt what happened to his drug shipment.
Yeah, yeah, those “goods” are drugs. I’m not a nice guy, if you haven’t noticed.
I’m a smuggler – it’s in my best interests not to be a nice guy. It’s things like being nice that gets you killed in this business.
And sometimes it’s things like rodians.
hey im loving the mando armour, how are you going to secure it to the jumpsuit, strap it on, or just fix it directly to the jumpsuit?
Can't wait to add another Biker Scout to my army
who could I talk to about hooking me up with some casted weapons? I'm wanting lots of the POTJ IG-88 long-barrelled rifle.
Ooo, ditto that. That's such a good weapon, I'm sure many of us would be willing to pay for a bunch of those...
I know you're probably backed up with requests, but I had an idea over the weekend. Have you given any thought to making a few updated head sculpts of the say Han, luke and Leia. Kind of age them a little as they would appear in NJO. And for the love of God could you please do something about Luke's hair.
Just a thought.