Author Topic: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda  (Read 1154 times)

Offline jedistyle

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Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« on: November 13, 2005, 08:26 PM »
Here is my first try at a dio-story. I haven't gotten into effects and all that yet, but i thought i'd throw this out there just for practice! Any suggestions or comments are appriciated, so let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy.....
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Near sunset, after a fierce battle, Jedi Master Enda and his Clone Troopers sweep what's left of a balcony in the commerce district of the City of Savornia.

MASTER ENDA: Sweep the area Commander, keep your eyes open for any civilian's that may still be on this level.

CLONE COMMANDER: Yes General Enda.



The Squad of Clones meticulously searches the area for any remaining Battle Droids. Stepping over just one Droid leaves a possibility that a blaster bolt may find one of these troopers and the Commander won't tolerate the senseless loss of a troopers life when there is a mission at stake.

CLONE COMMANDER: Be sure you get them all Trooper.

CLONE TROOPER: Yes Commander.



As the he walks behind his Jedi General, the Clone Commander recieves a priority message on his comm's.

CLONE COMMANDER: Squad Commander 2-5-ALPHA.

COMMUNICATION: The time has come Commander, "Execute Order 66".

CLONE COMMANDER: It will be done.


The Commander gives his troops the signal. Though there where no words, all of the Troopers know's what must be done. Each Trooper grips thier blaster a bit tighter at the thought of taking on a Jedi General with just a squad, next to impossible, but basic tactics dictate here, fire supiriority, overwhelm him! Even with fire supiriority the odds must be 1000 to 1, but a line Troopers job isn't to calculate odds, it's to follow orders and acomplish the mission, this order and mission are no exception...



Master Enda feel a shift in the force around him. But being on a battlefield can move the force in strange ways..... No, it is definetley a disturbance in the force! Master Enda draws his lightsaber.....



The Clones level thier blasters on the Jedi's back.....



Master Enda ignites his saber just as the Clones begin to attack.



The Clones fire at the Jedi, but his quick Jedi reflexes allow him to block and perry off the blaster bolts even before they reach him.



Master Enda immediatley perry's a blaster bolt back into the throat of the Clone Commander and throw the force knocking a Trooper out of the battle.




Jedi Master Enda continues to repel volley after volley of blaster fire from the Clone Troopers.



Fire Supiriority! The Clones pour everything they've got into the Jedi until finally, Master Enda is overwhelmed.



As he lay on the cold hard ground, Jedi Master Enda can't help but think that he will die without knowing why his Clones turned on him, or what the great disturbance in the force was. No matter, what has happened was the will of the force and thier is no regret, there is only peace.....



The Clone Troopers sweep over the body of thier fallen Jedi General just as calmly as if he where a Battle droid.



Then they can't help but stare for a moment. Orders or not, they had been in many battles alongside this Jedi, in thier eyes he was a great warrior and the warriors in them must pay tribute to him,even if just with a moment of silence.



As the sun sets on Savornia, so does the sunset on the Jedi Order and the entire Galaxy and gives way to the begining of the dark times.................

=jEdIsTyLe=
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" The first soap was made from the ashes of hero's, with out pain, with out sacrifice, we would have nothing."

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2005, 12:33 AM »
Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!

This is a great addition to this section and shows how much talent you already have with these!  Way to go man!


I'll break down a couple of things, first the cons -

(1) There are a few typos, but nothing too major.

(2) I would say start working on those special effects - it will add a lot of visual delight to an already well done story.  You did great without them though!


And now the pros, which are many!

(1) That's a nice introduction explaing what is going on.  Some people tend to not to do that.  It really helps when you do.

(2) You didn't try and overdo it one bit.  You got straight to the point, and made this very realistic.

(3) You made an all original Jedi character, and a good custom one at that.  A good body choice, and a non-Star Wars head.  Makes me believe he really is part of the Jedi Order.

(4) Great use of the plastic blast effect deflecting back into the Commander's neck.  That was a great use of the available special effects.

(5) The environment is AWESOME!  What did you use?  I really would love to have a big environment like this for a future Rykrof story.

(6) Excellent way to end it - the lightsaber is a touching end.  I have been planning on doing that myself when Order 66 hits my series too.  You beat me to it, and I hope you don't mind me doing that too later on.

(7) I also love how you didn't throw any cameos of other main characters in there.  We already know what happens to the other Jedi.  This wouldn't have been as cool if it was Aayla or Ki Adi Mundi.  Having it be Jedi Master Enda made it perfect!

(8 ) You didn't draw it out - it was nice to see the start of it being at the end of a battle with some droids, as it jumps right in to the action.

(9) Great photography!  Very clear pics and that makes it easier to follow the story.

Well done Jedistyle!  I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I want to see another one! 

 :P

Offline Joe

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2005, 09:26 PM »
Yes I liked it just spice it up with some effects   CHEWIE I'd say he made a big "box" using foamcore and railroad commble stone mat for the floor.
Cheers!

 - Joe

Offline jedistyle

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2005, 07:28 PM »
thanks for the feedback CHEWIE, i really appriciate it and it helps me out before i try the next one.

- i really want to add special effects, i'm just not good with computers and it's hard for me to figure out.

- the scene's where shot on a big shelf that i painted with stone fleck paint, there was some structre pieces made of foam board and some backround pices that where house hold items i used for filler.

- the jedi i used was originaly my tholme custom, but after some suggestions and ideas from some of the guys on the boards, i decided to make it an original jedi master enda.

- i didn't think the lighting came out that well but i'm glad the pictures where clear.

- feel free to grab the lightsaber scene idea, i'm surprised no one did it before!

nomercyjoe, thanks for the comments, i appriciate it.
« Last Edit: November 15, 2005, 07:30 PM by jedistyle »
=jEdIsTyLe=
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" The first soap was made from the ashes of hero's, with out pain, with out sacrifice, we would have nothing."

Offline Emperor Bayleef

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #4 on: February 4, 2006, 05:58 AM »
none of the images work for me.

Offline Quazar

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #5 on: February 4, 2006, 03:39 PM »
Pics aren't working for me either! 

Fix it, fix it!!! I must see this cool story!!!
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Offline Clone Commander

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #6 on: February 4, 2006, 05:53 PM »
Must...see...story again!
Hurrraaah...!
Clone Commander Appo.

Offline Emperor Bayleef

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #7 on: February 5, 2006, 05:55 AM »
Nooo! cant see it!

Offline jedistyle

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #8 on: February 26, 2006, 07:12 AM »
sorry guys i turned of my hosting service since i'm in afghanistan. i really appriciate you wanting to read it though and in, oh say, a year, i'll be able to do more stuff, thanks again for the interest!

erik

« Last Edit: February 26, 2006, 07:47 AM by jedistyle »
=jEdIsTyLe=
---------------------------------------------------------
" The first soap was made from the ashes of hero's, with out pain, with out sacrifice, we would have nothing."

Offline Ryan

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Re: Order 66: Jedi Master Enda
« Reply #9 on: February 26, 2006, 07:26 AM »
sorry guys i turned of my hosting service since i'm in afghanistan. i really appriciate you wanting to read it though and in, oh say, a year, i'll be able to do more stuff, thanks again for the interest!

erik

That makes sense I suppose.  :P

So you Army, Air Force, Navy, or Marines? Be safe while you're over there, and I look forward to seeing your stuff when you get back! :)
« Last Edit: February 26, 2006, 07:26 AM by Ryan »
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