Author Topic: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR  (Read 3934 times)

Offline CHEWIE

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RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« on: February 4, 2006, 10:09 PM »





As the final hour grows near before the execution of Republic Commander Rykrof Enloe, Jedi Master Kala Mly Shundi meets with Sith Lord Count Dooku in an attempt to learn the location of his friend.





“As I have told you, I have no connection to the terrorists holding your friend.  The only way to save him is to learn the ways of the Dark Side.  Only through the Force can you attain the power to find your friend… before it is too late.”





“Join me and not only will you learn the power to save your friends, but there will be no need for droids… or clones.  Or even for war,” Dooku says.





“I came here for help to find my friend, not to fall under your spell like Master Vos or the traitor Sora Bulq has,” Kala retorts.  “Your scheme to turn another Jedi against the Order will not work on me.  You have wasted valuable time.  I must leave immediately.”





“Of course you should,” Dooku says.  “But you do not know where to look.  The holo messages the Badoo Corba have sent are not traceable.”

“I know not to trust one who has turned their back on the Jedi Council,” Kala says as he walks away.





“Then you should also know to never turn your back on a Sith,” Dooku warns.





The Dark Lord is then approached by former Jedi Master Quinlan Vos and the misguided Asajj Ventress who have observed the Dark Lord's conversation.






“You should have allowed us to kill him, Master,” Ventress hisses.  “He should not be allowed to escape!”

“Shall I stop him, my Master?”  Quinlan then asks.





“No, Shundi is no use to us dead.  And do not delay him.  In time he will return on his own free will,” Dooku replies.





Left free to leave the planet, Kala Mly Shundi blasts into the atmosphere to continue his search, but with a growing doubt within him. 





Meanwhile, in a secret compound on Yinchorr, Rykrof Enloe faces his final hours…





Restraining him on a torture rack, an ancient ITK droid continues to inject Rykrof with small doses of painful toxins, slowly breaking his will to live.





The illegal execution droid knows no remorse; no pity.  Where most would have already succumbed to death, Rykrof is strong.  But he knows he can not hold out forever.  Soon his body will heed to the relentless torture he has faced.





After hours of excruciating torture, the rack holding Rykrof suddenly expands and he collapses to the floor.  The droid then radiates a heat beam, beginning to cause a burning ache throughout Rykrof’s body.





As Rykrof struggles to shake a dizzy, nauseous sensation caused by the injections, he notices an electrical beam beginning to emit from one of the droid’s appendages.  Sensing his ability to fight back diminishing, he tries to get to his feet to fend off the droid.





As he exerts his energy to get off the ground, a laser blast suddenly strikes the side of the droid’s support column.





A fiery explosion erupts from the internal processor of the droid as the ITK takes a second hit.





Rykrof then breaths a sigh of relief as he looks towards the chamber door.





To his surprise, he sees Judiss standing where the droid had towered over him just moments earlier.





Dazed and confused, Rykrof instinctively retreats back.





“There is little time, once Mubaas discovers what has happened there will be no escape!” Judiss cries.  “Come with me human, we have to get out of here!”





Unable to determine whether or not he should trust Judiss, Rykrof dumbly stumbles after him.  The Aqualish  then warns Rykrof to keep quite.  “It only takes one guard to sound the alarm...  and if you are seen outside the chamber we will be shot on sight.”





“Why are you doing this?” Rykrof asks.





“I said to keep quiet!” Judiss says, shushing Rykrof before blasting an unsuspecting Badoo Corba operative through the chest.





“I think that woke me up,” Rykrof says as he picks up the staff the guard had carried.  “Good shot you have there.”





“Are you capable of handling a weapon?” Judiss inquires.





“Gonna have to be,” Rykrof says, trying to clear his head.  “What’s your plan on getting us out of here?”

“I have an ATL Interceptor ready for takeoff at the east platform.  It is not far and should not be guarded,” Judiss replies.





As the two round a corner, Rykrof is the first to spot a hooded executioner and impales him, killing the terrorist immediately.





“You are stronger than I thought human, now let’s continue forward, there is no time to spare!” Judiss shouts.





As the two approach the east platform, another guard falls under fire of Judiss.





Rykrof then arms himself with the blaster the fallen guard had carried.





Judiss then motions forward, “We have made it.  The platform is secure, let's go!”





To his surprise, Rykrof aims his blaster at the chest of Judiss.





“What are you doing?  We are free to escape!” Judiss exclaims.

“No,” Rykrof says, seizing his opportunity.  “You will take me to Mubaas.”





“Don’t be a fool, I only want to help you!  There are too many of them, we must escape now while we have the chance!” Judiss begs.

“If you want to help me, then you help me kill him,” Rykrof threatens.





As Rykrof and Judiss stare each other down, a blast suddenly strikes Judiss in the chest.





Instinctively, Rykrof fires in the direction the blast originated…





…and takes out the shooter.





Immediately Rykrof checks on the status of Judiss, only to find the Aqualish dead.  He then realizes to try and confront Mubaas alone would be suicide.





Caught up in shock, Rykrof stumbles over to the ship Judiss had secured.





As the ship rises, Rykrof notices a turbo laser battery above his position…





…and narrowly escapes the compound.





Moments later, Mubaas learns of the escape and arrives at the platform.





“It was Judiss,” Troffar says.  “Judiss the traitor.”





“So it is!” Mubaas roars.  “I have been betrayed by my own people!  I want the head of this traitor on my desk!”





As the leaders discuss the escape, the Whipid Gomor brings Mubaas the head of Judiss.





“The fool,” Mubaas says.  “He shall be an example to all of what happens to those who betray the Badoo Corba!”





“With all due respect,” Troffar interrupts, “Enloe now knows the location of this base.  It will not be long before he returns with an army.”





“Yes, the Republic is relentless,” he agrees. 







“We must evacuate this complex quickly.  This time the Republic has won but soon we will strike at the very heart of the Senate.”





“And my sworn enemy’s luck can not last forever.”



 :P
« Last Edit: February 4, 2006, 10:19 PM by CHEWIE »

Offline Jediknight760071

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #1 on: February 4, 2006, 10:21 PM »
So soon?!


What a great surprise! :D


EDIT:

All Right...here's what I've got to say...

Cons:

1) My main grip with this part is how Dooku tries to convert Kala to the dark side. It seems like too much to me, as it doesn't develop Dooku's character (especially regarding Rykrof Enloe), who would be expected to do such a thing, nor does it develop Kala Mly Shundi's character, as he would be expected to reject the Sith's offering. If he accepted Dooku's offer right away, it would make him seem weak, although throughout the series he has been a very strong character, the model Jedi.

2) The 1st and 3rd shot. I don't know how many times we've seen that same battle droid, but I'd personally prefer different positions and angles, not just that duplication. I really like how you're involved in so many effects, but this one, the duplication that is, I do not like. My eye picks it out right away and I can't get over it until I scroll off to the next scene. Just a thought, but darker colors or glows, and different positions could really have a big impact on that.

3) Judiss the Traitor. It takes me away from the Star Wars galaxy and into our own. It just smacks of the bible to me, and seems rather out of place. Clever, but still.

4) A few questions of grammar sprinkled around, but really nothing to worry about. Just a question though, are you writing drafts for your photo novels and then taking pictures or the other way around?

Pros:

1) Quinlan and Assaj are great. I honestly didn't see how it was going to be quite fitting, but for instance, Assaj arrogantly stating that she should've been afforded the opportunity to take a Jedi out and Quinlan rather asking what to do next was perfect. I wouldn't want to see it any other way, it was really a dead on impression of a Dark Horse comic line.

2) Longer shots. I'm really intrigued by the length of the blaster fire in this photo novel. It conveys motion to me and makes the shot seem more real, as if it's happening as I look at it, not just any old jpeg. Cool stuff really.

3) Rykrof's escaping without the Republic's help. In the last chapter, I thought it was very interesting that even Mace Windu gave up on any chance Rykrof would escape, and I'm really looking forward to his return and seeing what leads to the Rykrof in Hoth gear you showed us.

Overall, I really liked this set, and compared to the others, it was darker, but showed a side of the Clone Wars you really don't think about when all we see are clones and Jedi and droids. Outstanding Job CHEWIE! :)  A+
« Last Edit: February 4, 2006, 10:53 PM by Jediknight760071 »

Offline Nirvana

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #2 on: February 4, 2006, 10:23 PM »
*Sigh* I was hoping to get the first post.  :(


Anyway, you never cease to amaze me CHEWIE. The pics were great. I knew that Judiss would help Rykrof, the last two had excellent dialogue and writing. Can't wait til 21.
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Offline Greg

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #3 on: February 4, 2006, 11:10 PM »
Wow. Very good Chewie. That Judiss the Traitor thing has got to be a Bible reference. Not offended by it if it is, but just my thoughts on it. I knew something was up with him. I like how you tied the execution and terrorist thing in, it relates to our own world, except some of those hostages aren't as lucky as Rykrof. I think the whole Badoo Corba thing is starting to get kind of cat-mouseish, since Rykrof always seems to get their location, then the terrorists leave, and the Rykrof has to find them again. Maybe kill off the Badoo Corba, or let them rest a bit, and maybe put Rykrof into one of the major battles of the Clone War, like Jabiim, Aargonaar, or Praesitlyn. That would be cool. I know that the Badoo Corba are Rykrofs main advisary, but it seems like the war is Republic versus Terrorists instead of Republic versus Seperatists.

                                  Great work as always.

Offline Smartypants1635

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #4 on: February 4, 2006, 11:13 PM »
WOW CHewie that was great...... just realy great, these 2 updates tie together extremely well.

Offline Clone Commander

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #5 on: February 4, 2006, 11:45 PM »
Spectacular!
I really like the way Judiss helped Rykrof.
But I agree he should be put into a bigger battle with more named characters like Alpha on Jabbim.
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Offline hemble

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #6 on: February 5, 2006, 12:22 AM »
Great work again mate for me reading a photo novel is like going to the movies you sit down and enjoy it and let nothing else bother you that's what there all about,
      And in saying that you have done it again with #20 yousit back and read it and look at the pics and nothing else matters till you finish it well done mate 2 thumbs up.

Ron

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #7 on: February 5, 2006, 12:36 AM »
Thanks guys, and I really appreciate the feedback as always.  I'll reply to your comments as I have a few minutes right now -

Clone Commander - Thanks, yeah I liked having Judiss helping Rykrof, kind of showing the Badoo Corba having members in their ranks that may not be buying into Mubaas' scheme so much, especially after speaking with one of his enemies.

Smarty - Thanks as always for the kinds words, glad that these two updates seem to tie together well, that's why I needed to post the second one so quickly as it was really just one bigger chapter.

mister_palpatine - Well the last thing in the world I want is for someone to be offended by a biblical comparison.  I believe in God, but have never read the bible or been a church going person.  I just based that off of what little I've seen from him on the History Channel, and thought it might be a parallel I'd like to through in there.  It could have been any other name besided Judiss and the character's role would have been the same.  So the name could have been Judiss, Rabal, Nemoorin, etc.  Doesn't really matter, it's the character that is what I think matters.  So if someone's offended by a name, I'm sorry.  Yeah it has been a bit of a cat and mouse game for him with them, some people are tied to their destiny and for Rykrof at this point it is mainly to counter terrorism.  Although the war goes on, not everyone in the military is 100% involved in the bigger war.  We already know what happens in the Clone Wars so I think it's fun to explore into some other avenues as well.  I've tried to still portray scenes of the overall war in most of the stories, and that is what the main battle was regarding #18 - Dark Exchange.  But I will remember that the Separatists are the main enemy, I think you will like to know that the next few are scheduled to be about the main war and Rhen Var.

Darth Nirvana - Thanks bud and I'm a big fan of your stories as well, we both seem to like those darker type stories.  I figured people knew Judiss would help him.

Jediknight760071 - Thanks for the pros and the cons.  We may have a bit of disagreement here, but that's good, I'd rather hear some dissent rather than just "good job" comments.

For the Vos line, I thought that would be a good way to show his difference compared to Ventress in their loyalty to Dooku - Vos has differnet motives than Ventress does, that's for sure.  Glad you are ok with the longer blaster shots as some people have said in the past they don't like them, but I agree that it illustrates motion of the blast.  And for the Rykrof being captured, everyone in the Republic gave him up for dead.  The War is the main priority at this point, they don't have the troops to spare looking for him, and they don't even know where to look (as Dooku pointed out, the messages were not traceable).

For the stuff you didn't like, well that's ok too.  I'll respond because those are always interesting to reply to.

I disagree on the Dooku part... he is trying to add another ally to his side, but doing it in a gentle manner.  To develop Dooku's character really isn't a goal I have too much as Lucas already more than did that I think, but at the same time I feel this may be how we would treat such a situation.  And if anything, I think this built Kala's character more than ever... he had been having dark thoughts in recent chapters, and Shaak Ti was worried about him at the end of the last chapter - if anything I was hoping to reinforce Kala's will and devotion to what he feels is right - he turned his back on Dooku.  Not an easy thing to do, and I think that says everything there is to say about the character at this point.

On the Battle Droid - you have never seen that shot before, but I have done that before with other droid shots.  This was a new shot taken just for this photonovel (19 and 20) and was used in three shots -







In that first shot, it is really there.  The other two I borrowed that part of the image to do this.  Those last two shots were last minute additons to #20 - and I didn't have time to take new pics, I had to compile pics I had take before to get that.  And I'd like to have more variety in some pics and probably should, but after working over 100 total hours on #19 and #20 combined, enough is enough.  They get to a point where there is not more fun in it when it starts feeling like more work than enjoyment.  I want at times to add in more variety, but for some pics, my computer freezes up, and I have to restart the PC several times, and that can push me back an hour or two.  So, that's the reason you may not always get the variety is a few Battle Droid shots.  Hope you understand that.

On Judiss, like I said earlier, it's not really a reference to the bible.  At least the character isn't, not one bit.  Only the name since I saw the similarity in the two based on his actions.  There are a few bible references though in Star Wars, are there not?  Like Geonosis (Genesis) being the "beginning"  (of the war) and a virgin birth?

For the grammar, I've had three differnet proof readers on these last two, and we try to get it right.  I guess it's never going to be perfect though without a semi-pro editor or something.  As for how they are written, basically I've found the most effective way for me to do so is have an idea in my head, write a few lines out on paper, take all the pics and edit them, and then apply script to it.  It's much easier to adjust dialogue than pictures, at least for me.

Hemble - Thanks for the kind words Ron, coming from you that means a lot.  If you ever have any suggestions though, please feel free to bring them up.

Also, as for the Badoo Corba, there is a longer plot I have wanted to put into play with them.  It will affect what happens to Rykrof at the end of the war; and it's very, very important to the overall story.  If not for his involvement with them, then Rykrof might as well not even have a story at this point.  I hope it all makes sense as the war nears an end... and with the death of a main character in the Republic soon.  The Badoo Corba is VERY important in this SAGA, and making fan fiction events in this is what it's all about for me.  But don't worry, there will be some major battle too.  But those aren't really where Rykrof can shine too much.  That is the stage of the Jedi.

Another thing that has already been brought to my attention is that someone didn't think Rykrof should pulled a gun on Judiss - he didn't do that in spite, he only wanted to try and get rid of Mubaas.  He is a Republic Commander, and his job is to make the Republic safe.  If he didn't try and take out Mubaas when he though he had a chance, he wouldn't be doing his job.

Thanks, and it will be a while before #21 is up.  I am looking very forward to hearing more about what the rest of you may have thought about this one!

 :P

Offline Jediknight760071

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #8 on: February 5, 2006, 12:42 AM »
Awesome...I'm glad you took the time to explain all that. Everything to do with Dooku and grammar could be just the way I'm reading it through, because unlike a movie, the way your readers approach this is going to be a liability in its success.

And maybe I'm just imagining multiple droids.  :P

Thanks again CHEWIE. :)

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #9 on: February 5, 2006, 12:52 AM »
No, thank You!  I wish each and every person would take the time to explain to me how I can improve these, offer suggestions, etc.  I really do appreciate it.   :)

Question though for everyone - overall, what did you think?  #19 and #20 really are just one big chapter... which chapter did you prefer?  Did you like it broken out like this, or should I have made it one long chapter?

 :P
« Last Edit: February 5, 2006, 12:54 AM by CHEWIE »

Offline Famine

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #10 on: February 5, 2006, 01:09 AM »
19 had to be it's own entitiy, the way you set it up. It left the major cliffhanger of what will Rykrof suffer, and what would Shundi do.

Both chapters are phenominal, and they stand out as the best! :)

Kevin
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Offline BrentS

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #11 on: February 5, 2006, 01:37 AM »
Chewie, looks great!  I really need to go back and read the other entries.  Since I'm so new to Photonovels, I'm not really sure I can critique.  I really like the effects that you put in this one (like the glowing colors in the scenes with torture droids).  Keep up the good work.  I'd definitely have to build up my quantity of customs to bite off a project like this. 

Offline Jediknight760071

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #12 on: February 5, 2006, 05:13 AM »
You know, 20 is pretty long. It stands alone from the 19th chapter, which was long enough to satisfy, but just short enough to leave you stunned. :)

Well, stunned isn't the right word...it just ended so that you knew there had to be something else, but there was still a question of what that would be; it wasn't so obvious. Splitting it up was a great choice, in my opinion.

Offline Nirvana

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #13 on: February 5, 2006, 09:35 AM »


Question though for everyone - overall, what did you think?  #19 and #20 really are just one big chapter... which chapter did you prefer?  Did you like it broken out like this, or should I have made it one long chapter?

 :P

I liked it broken out. It was really good that way, especially with the cliffhanger at the end of 19. If there's gonna be another Rykrof installment that's like this, I say split it in two.
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Offline Darth Delicious

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Re: RE #20 - FINAL HOUR
« Reply #14 on: February 6, 2006, 02:56 AM »
First of all, I'm glad you chose to break this into two distinct chapters...I liked the cliffhanger from #19 and #20 was a great wrap-up. If it had been one long chapter it would have been too much, and seemed like the story was being rushed. I like that there was a break to let us digest the events of #19 before reading #20.

A few random thoughts in no particular order:

Judiss: I have no problem with the name, I just think the line "Judiss the traitor" was a little unnecessary. It kind of belabored the point. However, I liked his character in #19...I liked how Rykrof was able to win over one of his captors, not unlike a missionary I listened to recently that spend a year in a Muslim prison. Judiss was an interesting character; yet as soon as he helped Rykrof, I knew he was going to die. That's unfortunate, not just because of the predictability, but because I think you missed an excellent chance to have him as a recurring character and present another viewpoint to the happenings in the galaxy. I also think Rykrof turning the gun on him was somewhat out of character, even considering his job to capture Mubaas...(or was his real motive to get revenge? Could have been interesting to see.) But considering all Rykrof has recently suffered, I suppose his actions were understandable. I guess Judiss learned no good deed goes unpunished. At the very least, Rykrof should have to deal emotionally with the fact that he basically got his rescuer killed.

A lot of violence in this chapter, but well done and it fit the story. I like the longer blaster fire...the shot of the Nikto guard getting blasted was especially well done.

Kala, while nobly searching for his friend, seemed pretty ineffectual this chapter. While I usually feel you handle Dooku extremely well, but this chapter I didn't really feel any gravity to his words. I didn't ever think there was a chance Kala would even consider his offer; perhaps you should have teased Kala's growing despair a little more in previous chapters to give this confrontation more weight. It will be interesting to see if this plays in to future stories.

Dooku's "Of course you should." was well placed and I like that it mirrored Palpatine talking to Anakin in Ep. III.

Tortured Rykrof looks great. A great custom.

I'd like to see more of Troffar. After his big intro he seems to have faded into the background...I'd like to see more of him. I get the impression he doesn't think much of Fuuda's leadership. Could he have plans of his own?

All in all, I think this was a great chapter and I like how the story has gotten progressively darker as the war drags on. Keep it up!

-DD
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