That's right, it's the holiday season once more, and it's time to look deep into our hearts and give charitably to help overcome the problems faced by the world. I don't know about you, but I personally can't think of anything more important to discuss than chronic llama manipulation and active obfuscation (LMAO).
Every year, countless evildoers spend their nights convincing llama's worldwide - in zoos, farms, and in their natural habitats, to move behind trees and shrubs, hiding themselves from the eyes of humans who would pet them or maybe feed them a lump of sugar. This ongoing obfuscation of the worldwide llama population has only increased over the years. Dr. Stan Berenstain, a renowned professor of sociology at the University of Toronto (UofT) says it's possible that "as much of 85% of the llamas in the world have been the victim of acts of LMAO, and governments refuse to properly fund the organizations that uncover them."
The results of LMAO are obviously terrifying. Petting zoo stables lie dormant. Groups like the Llanguage Rellation and Rehabillitation Llobby have had their efforts to have the letter "ll" introduced into the english language become totally redundant. But worse than the disappearance of the llamas is their reappearance. Reports of llama's being found in hiding spots all over the world have been taking the news media by storm. Stuart Knockwood of Bangor, Maine, woke one morning and found three llama's hiding in his shower. An anonymous French citizen contacted the local authority when he found a llama hiding in the back of his silverware drawer. Pepsi Co. has has to recall millions of soft drink bottles after numourous customers found llama's huddling at the bottom of a plastic bottle.
"In the pre-9/11 world, LMAO was something we didn't have to worry about" says Berenstain, "but now we can't afford to be naive. It's time for us to track down these llama manipulators and make them pay, to bring freedom to the obfuscated llama's, and lead by example the rest of the world."