Author Topic: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil  (Read 1892 times)

Offline BrentS

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Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« on: April 1, 2006, 03:01 PM »







On a small planet quietly residing in the outer-rim territories, new events that will change the fate of the galaxy are unfolding...






In the dangerous Jundland Wasteland region of Tatooine, a small sandcrawler treads along a particularly remote section.  Unusual readings from the tyridium sensors direct the scavenging party to an area of barren desert filled with natural rock formations.






The leader of the small crew, T'Chi Oten-nal oversees the unloading of a Jawa scavenging party, which includes several labor droids, including the venerable AST-7, which has been with the T'Chi since his first journey as a Jawa youth.





\
"Oo-tee-di!" exclaims T'Chi as he points a dark cave in one of the rock formations.  He and his Jawa crew enter the cave to determine if this is the source of the unusual readings.






Shortly after entering the darkened interior of the natural cave, a brilliant flash of light emanates from the heart of the mysterious cavern...






Several minutes later, the aftermath of unknown events leave the Jawa scavenging party unconscious.  A strange object glows in the corner of the dark cave.






After several minutes, T’Chi Oten-nal slowly seems to recover from unknown assault.  All he remembers is entering the cave and a brilliant flash of light.






Slowly sitting up, T’Chi screams in horror “Etu Cheen Ooo!”  His fallen brothers do not move.






The sullen Jawa leader tries desperately to wake his comatose companions.






Realizing the worst, his friends were killed sometime after the peculiar flash, T’Chi cries out of the cave for assistance “Ootina Chee a tu cho.”






Hearing the calls from the heart of the cave, AST-7 and BX-4 following the path of their Jawa masters deep into the interior.






Stoically, T’Chi orders AST-7 to carry the bodies of his fallen friends back to their sandcrawler home.






As T’Chi watches as the dead Jawas are taken away, he reflects on the horribly tragic year that has besieged his scavengeing crew.  Between the ruthless attacks of the Tusken warlord B’rmar the Fierce and this mysterious cave, he has seen the death of all of his Jawa companions.






With the death of all his brothers, T’Chi resolves to determine the source of this unprovoked attack.






In the interior of the cave, a small object has been uncovered from the sandy floor.  A mysterious glow emenates from it’s interior.  T’Chi leans closer to investigate.






T'Chi touches the cool surface of the object.  Suddenly the mysterious box levitates and blue electrical sparks crackle from strangely metallic surfaces.






Sensing great power within mysterious object, T’Chi’s eyes glow with eager anticipation.






While continuing to feel the power surges from the mysterious object as an ethereal presence is revealed.  The shadowy figure speaks in a deep reverberating voice, “Who has claimed the strength to try and revive me from Darkness.”

T’Chi Oten-nal listens closely the instructions of the ethereal presence.  Sensing great power and knowing that he has lost all that was dear to him with the death of the his fallen comrades, T’Chi claims allegiance to his new master. 






The veiled figure tells T’Chi of an ancient secret for creating an orb of power using the mysterious object.  He orders his new apprentice to take this Orb to Gardulla the Hutt.  Having forged an agreement many years ago, he tells T’Chi that she will know what needs to be done to complete his new Master's task.






Following the precise instructions of his Master, T’Chi is able summon a shimmering orb from the interior of the mysterious object.

“Go now, take this Orb straight to the Hutt.  Do not waiver in your task.  Only when you return will you be given the secrets to eternal power.”






Knowing that it will take much to long to reach Gardulla, T’Chi seeks out is old friend Hamma Gringol.  Hamma is smuggler operating on Tatooine who provides items for many of the Tatooine residents, including the Jawa, Tuskens, and the Hutts.  T'Chi and Hamma  a long history of transactions of mutual benefit.

“Hamma, Eecha tu Nee Tinnea” T’Chi tells his friend he has a valuable object that must be delivered straight to Gardula the Hutt.






Hamma gazes on the shimmering orb and mesmerized by the swirling energy.  “I can do this for you my old friend.  I will soon be returning to Gardulla’s palace.”






“Ontona Chu Deedo ti” exclaims T’Chi excitedly.  Hamma clearly understands the Jawa’s sense of urgency.  However, already, Hamma is contemplating his next move.






Hamma stares longly at the precious orb.  He thinks to himself of the good fortune that has fallen on him.  At last he has a gift that cannot be refused.  Silently, he turns and quickly leaves knowing that he may finally be able to win the heart of that who he desires most.






Meanwhile on the outskirts of Gardulla the Hutts expansive palace, a slave silently goes about her duties. 







“Shmi, my precious Shmi, it is so good to see you again” exclaims Hamma.  “I hope your master is treating you well.  How I do wish you would allow me to try and buy your freedom.”

Nervously, Shmi Skywalker embraces Hamma.  “Hamma, I’ve told you to stop coming to see me.  Gardulla disapproves of her slaves having visitors.”






 “You know it is impossible for us to be together; you should leave now” says Shmi as looks off in the distance.

“Shmi, I have something you must see” says Hamma as he pulls the Orb from his traveling robe. 






“Oh my, its very beautiful... but what is it?” asks Shmi?

“It’s a gift for you” exclaims Hamma.






“I could never accept such an item.  If it were discovered, Gardulla would surely send me to the dungeons” says Shmi as she turns away. 

“Shmi, you must take this.  I know it contains great power and strength.  I’m sure that in the future it will be incredibly valuable,” says Hamma.  He hands the Orb to Shmi.   “I have to go now.  Keep it hidden.  I will check on you again as soon as I can.  I know that someday we can be together.”






Reluctantly, Shmi takes the orb and stares at it.  Sensing an uncomfortable power in her hands, she is unsure of what the future holds for her.






Confident that his old friend Hamma will deliver the Orb and craving more knowledge and power, T’Chi quickly returns to the cave to study the mysterious object…







« Last Edit: April 18, 2006, 04:59 PM by BrentS »

Offline BrentS

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #1 on: April 1, 2006, 03:03 PM »
Here is the first Chapter in my photonovel.  I'm not sure if I like it or not.  hese photonovels are much more complicated and time consuming than I ever expected.

I'm anxious to hear your comments, from the good and the bad...

Offline Clone Commander

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #2 on: April 1, 2006, 03:23 PM »
Wow...that was different!  :)
Its a nice change of pace from the clone wars type pns.
Clone Commander Appo.

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #3 on: April 1, 2006, 03:52 PM »
Brent, this is outstanding work.  Wow, simply amazing.  So many things about this that I love.  There are a few grammar things I might suggest working on but other than that, I can't give much advice.  You seem to have already set a benchmark for high expectations with future installments.

So here's some things in it that I really liked -

(1) The photos are brilliant, I am stunned with how well they turned out.  What kind of camera do you have?

(2) This is an original storyline.  And much, much more creative I think than most other stories.  Not to put down anyone else's work, but to me it takes a lot more talent to create a storyline like this than just clone wars battles.

(3) The customs are spectacular.  Hamma is great character already, I feel like he's a character now that I already see as very important.  That hair just rocks on him and it's very cool to see a pre-TPM storyline with a character like that.  He's already more important than the Jawa I think - I am thinking this orb is going to be what is the onset of the birth of Anakin.

WOW, WOW, WOW.  Awesome job Brent.  I hope to see you continue these and yes they are very time consuming.  But you've already pulled off something spectacular just with this first chapter.

 :P

Offline Greg

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #4 on: April 1, 2006, 05:27 PM »
Wow, fantastic story, Brent. I really enjoyed it. I hope you continue. The effects were great, as was the plot. It wasn't action packed, but I thought that it was very suspenseful. I can't wait to find out what happens to the little Jawa. Great job!!!

Offline BrentS

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #5 on: April 3, 2006, 11:39 AM »
Clone Commander, Chewie, and Mister Palpatine - thanks for taking the time to read the PN and post some comments. 

The idea for the story has been evolving in my head but to be honest, it was an excuse to start using some of the custom figures that I had already made or were planning on making.  I think the CW themed Photonovels are very cool because there are so many natural storylines.   I was thinking about one of In Rem's comments in the PN idea thread (I think it was him) and he suggesting be careful when treading into areas that intersect the movies as its difficult to tie up the loose ends.  I'm definitely worried about that with this one!

Chewie, to address some of your specific questions:
Camera - I'm currently using a Canon Powershot SD510 (I think thats the model) its a great little camera.  I used  a minature tripod (about 6 inches tall) and the Macro mode to take all my pictures.

Hamma - believe it or not, he was a very last minute custom choice.  I needed a character for the Jawa to interact with and someone to link with Shmi.  He isn't actually put together very well as I had to glue his arms in place for the most part.  It was a very poor choice of body and arms.  I'll probably have to make another version of him in the future.  Unfortunately, I don't have any more Orrimaarko figures so I may have to pull his head off  ;D  He was originally planned to be a very bit player in the story but he is kind of cool looking so I may try to work him into the story more.  We'll see what I can come up with.

I don't know if you noticed, but my Rykrof Android made a cameo inside the sandcrawler :)  He's very difficult to see but he's there.

If anyone sees any obvious grammer or spelling that needs correcting, please let me know and I'll try to clean it up!

I hope I have the energy to work on future installments.  It was a fun project but man I can't believe how long it took.  I figured, I could snap a few pictures and add some text and be done.  However, with this one I needed a lot of special effects and had to learn my way around some nuiances with Photoshop and Photobucket (my images kept shrinking!).

Thanks again to everyone who has read and/or commented.

Offline S_A_Longhorn

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #6 on: April 3, 2006, 03:16 PM »
Outstanding!!!

I remember when you first posted these pics on here.  The pics were real clear and had an excellent combination of real and visual effects.  You definitely gave a lot of personality to your Jawas with both the storytelling and narrative.

I really like the fact yhat your story is pre-TPM.  Looked forward to reading your story and events that lead up to Shmi.  And I am in awe of your visual effects.  It really helps complete a story when you can add these effects so perfectly.

I agree with CHEWIE about Hamma.  I laughed when I first saw him b/c of his wild grey hair.  And when he was hugging Shmi!  But he is an excellent custom.  You took some great pics of him for his important scenes.

The only two complaints I have was the grammer and size of the photos.  CHEWIE also mentioned that some words are missing.  Simple mistake I always make.  But I think your story would be easier to read if you shrank your pics down to 75% using Photobucket.  It is difficult to read and follow when I have to scroll side-to-side and up-and-down.  I can never see the whole pic in combination with the dialogue/grammer.  Try using just one empty space line between your photo and words.  They seem a little too far apart. 

Other than these little things, unbelievable job with the story and photos, BRENTS!  I look forward to seeing more from you with this story.  And take your time with future updates.  All the time you put into this story definitely shows!  BRAVO!!!

"WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.  TODD WILL COOPERATE."
-Sarah Palin to Charlie Gibson, a week before her husband, Todd Palin, refused to cooperate

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #7 on: April 3, 2006, 10:40 PM »
Brent, I thought I had replied to this already regarding the grammar, but I guess I didn't?  Maybe I sent you a PM on it instead?  I don't know for sure...

Again, your photonovel was excellent.  The only things I saw that you might want to look at would be a few grammar errors, but those are very minor. 

For example, a couple of times I believe in the word "republic" should have been capitalized - "Republic."

One line says "...as a young Jawa youth."  Kind of being anal on my part, but young youth is kind of emphasized twice there in that sentence.

One line says "...emanates from heart of the..." - the word "the" is missing there.

One line says to "...recover from unknown assault."  - the word "the" is missing there.

I don't think that "emenate" is a word... maybe "illuminate" instead?. 

Also a few times where a comma is used, a semicolon would be more appropriate.

A few lines also are missing periods at the end of them - this little error seemed to be the most consistent one.

Now these are pretty minor, but with how good your series has started, I think that a few grammar changes and it's perfect.  Those are always hard to find on your own, when your brain is going crazy after working so hard on these. 

My dad was an algebra teacher and my mom was an English teacher, so I take this sort of things seriously.  My wife is a teacher too. Hell, I might go back and be a teacher someday too... I'd have a lot of free summer time for photonovels!

Also if you want a proofreader, I have two pals here (Ryan and Famine) who often proof them for me before I post them.  I'd be happy to assist you in that if you want.

Anyways, I really think you deserve some more recognition for this Brent.  You have taken this section by storm, starting off with many good questions when you can here, was very nice and wanting to learn how to be a customizer.   And look at you now, already making fantastic photonovels, with original characters, realisitic sets, new storylines, etc.  I would have to give you a 9/10 here Brent.  And I mean that this I think has the potential to be the best series going if you can keep up some sort of pace and keep mixing in some established characters along with new ones.  I don't know how long you want it to go, but would even be up for some intercrossing with the Rykrof Enloe Series if you would want to.

Also, I think that if this site were to ever do a "Customizer of the Month" spotlight, you would be a prime candidate to start things off with.

 :P

Offline Quazar

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #8 on: April 4, 2006, 02:18 AM »
WOW!!! 

What an amazing new photonovel!  The pictures are simply GORGEOUS - the resolution is fantastic, the lighting is flawless.  The "sets" are simply first rate, the Tatooine desert is captured perfectly, the caves, the sand, everything!  Visually stunning!!!

And then the story itself!  This is a wonderful first chapter and I am already hooked on the story.  Very intriguing, the connection between Shmi Skywalker and the mysterious Sith device.  I love your use of Shmi as a character, pre-dating TPM and the birth of Anakin - will his conception somehow be tied in with the Sith?  I can't wait to find out!!

You mentioned how time consuming this kind of work is!  Indeed you are correct, but I really hope you will find the time to continue this tale in a timely fashion, as I am loving this.

I also love Hamma, a cool custom and a well-realized character, even in the short time we spend with him.  Nice to see that Shmi had a bit of a personal life before becoming a mom, their relationship is very well fleshed out even in their brief interaction.

And, lest we not forget, I LOVE the fact that you have a Jawa as an actual character, instead of just a chattering extra!  That feels like a "Star Wars" first. 

Please keep up the great work.  I have not been active myself in the boards recently at all (though I have been lurking from time to time) and I was delighted to come across this new addition and I just had to comment.  And let me take this chance to give a quick shout out to our photonovel GIANTS Chewie and Longhorn, both of whom have terrific new stories up which I haven't had time to comment on.

Anyway, this is really superlative work and I implore you to keep it up!  Bravo.
Sith Lords Are Our Speciality

Offline BrentS

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #9 on: April 4, 2006, 11:22 PM »
Chewie, SA_Longhorn - thanks for the critical eye. I went back to clean up as much of the dialog as possible.   I think I got all the hanging periods (or lack thereof), changed a few semi-colons, and added the missing words.  Thanks again!  I also changed the intro paragraphs.  I didn't really like the way it read and I think this new version is a little better.

(Chewie - I went back to the dictionary - emanate is a word  ;))

I went ahead and changed the size of the photos as well.  I was trying to maximize the image size to make sure I don't loose any details.  When I posted the files originally, I was working on my lap top with a high screen resolution so they looked fine; however, I can see how they may have been too big.

Quazar - thanks for all the great comments.  I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the content.  The more people seem to enjoy these, the more I'm interested in trying to keep it going!  Glad you liked the Jawa character.  I've always been a fan of the Jawas and it was fun to use them as a main character.  Uttini!

SA-  Thank you for all the positive comments (and critique too!).  Seems like Hamma is a real hit. 

In the words of Sally Field "You like me, you really like me"  Thanks everyone!

If possible, I'll try to get Chapter 2 up before the end of the month.  Chapter 3 may take some time b/c I have a lot custom figures that will need to be made.

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #10 on: April 5, 2006, 12:49 AM »
Crap, sorry about the word "emanate" - I guess when I looked it up on www.dictionary.com to check, I must have typed it in wrong.  I'll wear the dunce hat for the rest of the evening.

Anyway the new dialogue at the opening scroll looks great to me, and I'll go back and re-read the story again (was going to anyway as it's such a fun read).

 :P

Offline Darth_Ennis

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2006, 05:08 PM »
Excellent work. The effects were great and the story is definately leaving me wanting more. Cant wait for the next episode.

Offline In Rem

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2006, 05:30 PM »
Brent -

As a big PN fan, it pains me that I haven't commented on this earlier. Please accept my apologies - I know how it feels when you don't get as much feedback as you'd hoped for (especially in light of what you've done here!)

First of all, I like where you've set this one. Pre-Episode I really works for me, especially since I personally know so little of that time. Just about anything you put forward is going to work, so long as it's not completely outside the scope of what little we do know. So your setting is very good.

Second, using Jawas of all things to set the stage for what must be a deep, deep evil is awesome. I'm reminded of Bilbo finding the One Ring. It falls to the lowest creatures to unearth the most deeply lost treasures. :) I actually got the impression of a cross between the LOTR and SW here, but I'm sure it's just a matter of how you need to get this thing rolling. I really like what you've left me expecting. :)

Having Shmi with a somewhat-unwanted suitor is also a really believable touch. I totally bought into the idea that he would take something that seems so precious and hand it over to her. Very cool story-telling touch there.

The images I have commented on in preview threads. Your photog work is perfect. I also like your effects shots very much.

I'm excited to see where this one goes!  Bravo!

:)

Offline Reid

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2006, 07:30 PM »
Very nice PN Brent. Very original using the Pre-TPM timeline here. Just nitpicking, but I think Hamma would look better sans-cotton ball hair. Very well done, I look forward to more chapters.

Offline BrentS

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Re: Duel of the Sith: Prologue - A New Evil
« Reply #14 on: April 11, 2006, 11:06 PM »
Hey guys, thanks for the feedback.  Glad to see this one bumped up again :)

D-E:  I'm glad you liked the special effects.  They certainly cause these to take a bit more time.  I'm learning some new skills with photoshop but it seems like each time I try something, I do it better the second time (just like customizing I suppose).  I'm not entirely convinced that I like the special effects but I'm sure I'm my own worst critic!

Rem- Thanks for the detailed comments, I'm glad you enjoyed Prologue/Chapter 1.  The consensus seems to be happy with the Pre-TPM start of this.  I hope everyone isn't disappointed when I jump ahead a few years for the next chapter ;D  But really, isn't that what a prologue is all about. 

I think you were right on with the LOTR reference.  There is certainly a mixture of LOTR, Star Wars, and Harry Potter in this particular story.  I may not be the most original but I think it works pretty well with what I have planned.

Hunter - thanks for the comments.  I have admit, I'm partial to Hamma with the wild hair.  Without it, I'm think he just looks like another pruneface.  However, I certainly understand and respect your perspective!


Well, like I said all along, I hope that Chapter 2 and the subsequent ones can live up to hype that you are all expecting.  If all goes well, I'm going to finish up the last of the photography this weekend and try to get Chapter 2 up by the following weekend.  Wish me luck  ;)