Author Topic: Infidelity.....what say you?  (Read 5046 times)

Offline Force Guy

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 1257
  • Nom nom nom
    • View Profile
Infidelity.....what say you?
« on: April 23, 2006, 09:49 PM »
I know I haven't been an active member of this community for quite some time, but I thought I'd get your take on this controversial subject.  Infidelity.  What say you?  Forgive & forget?  Have any of you ever been in a long-term relationship where you were betrayed?  Could/can you forgive a cheater?  Your input would be greatly appreciated.   
Binders full of astromechs...

Offline inadvertent imitation

  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 6361
    • View Profile
    • greatest blog ever written.
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2006, 10:06 PM »
It's the worst feeling in the world, knowing someone you trusted that much went and got railed by some other guy, and enjoyed it.

It's a thought you can't get out of your head. You can just be sitting there, watching TV, and the image of her getting filled out like an application won't leave your head.

It's the ultimate betrayal of trust, one in which I never trust the person ever again and break up with them. I haven't spoken to either whore girl who's done this to me since, and it suits me just fine.

I've flirted with other girls while in a relationship, but I never went all the way with them. I hated the thought of infidelity so much, I didn't want to cause anyone else that grief.

Mind you, I've never been close to being married, so I'm sure the married folks will offer something different.
don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk

Offline Rob

  • Staff Member
  • Jedi Council Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20616
    • View Profile
    • Vitamin
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2006, 10:08 PM »
It hasn't happened to me, but someone I know's parents went through it - and came out stronger on the other end.  I know it was a lot of work for them to move on, and maybe that doesn't work for everyone, but it seems like in their case it was worth it.

Offline Angry Ewok

  • Staff Member
  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 5509
  • The Ewok Village Idiot
    • View Profile
    • www.TowheeStudio.com
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2006, 10:38 PM »
I remember when it happened to me, and ever since then, I've had a hard time even thinking about being in a serious relationship. People talk about forgive and forget... but to this very day, I could describe that moment in time, even though it's been many years and many tokes later, in infinite detail. Everything about it.

How could anyone forget? I'm a visual thinker, so I don't just THINK about her ******* some dude who lived down the hall... With as much detail as I can remember the moment I got that phone call, when she told me she ****** Brian, I too can visualize her in the act of doing it. She had the time to get ass naked and put his condom on, my art, my pictures - all of this **** that belonged to ME was plastered around the same bed that she ****** HIM in. How can I forgive that?

My situation was even worse, as she lied to me, claiming to have been raped. That she screamed for help and nobody was around to hear it... She claimed to have gone to the Doc and get tested and all of that ****. It was all a lie. But you know, even though I didn't buy it, I stood by like a good guy... I betrayed my own gut instinct.

As weak as it may sound to those who don't know what it's like, I couldn't even watch movies involving affairs or sex scenes for a very, very long time. I had just bought Jackie Brown, but couldn't watch it. I ended up getting ****** up and watching The Wall - which, especially at the time, I connected with.

Anyway, I refused to see her, I wouldn't speak to her, I refused to answer her calls, or read her mail. She went as far as to try and get through to me through my grandparents. I didn't give her anything. From that point forward, she was dead to me.

It doesn't matter how many times she says sorry, that she didn't love him, or was drunk, or didn't enjoy it, or any of that ******* bull****. It doesn't matter, man. You deserve to be with someone who will honor you, not disgrace you by ******* someone else.

No second chances with my heart.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2006, 10:44 PM by Angry Ewok »

Offline Morgbug

  • Old
  • Jedi Guardian
  • *
  • Posts: 16009
  • mmm. pemmican.
    • View Profile
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2006, 10:55 PM »
No second chances with my heart.


Finely put.  Do it once and pack your bags, there is absolutely no excuse for it.  It's a complete breach of trust that you can never, ever get back.  Everyone's tempted, there's no reasonable reason to give in to that temptation unless you want to prove yourself untrustworthy and weak. 
Minivans: a sign of the apocalypse.

Offline Victor_Von_Doom

  • Jedi Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 410
  • Curse Richards
    • View Profile
    • Wampa's Cave
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #5 on: April 23, 2006, 11:05 PM »
It's never happened to me, but I agree with what Brad said. They say "once a cheater, always a cheater" for a reason.
WTB Autographs and loose vintage, PM me!
"The Dude abides" - The Big Lebowski

Offline Deanpaul

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 1123
  • open for interpretation
    • View Profile
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2006, 11:09 PM »
Glad to see you back, controversial subject and all.

Everyone is different. Relationships are individual, unique and often changing. So, I think a lot depends on the people involved and where they are in their relationship, as well as other circumstances.

For me, based on where I am in my life and my marriage, I would want to work it out. I imagine I would be confused, sad and angry. I love and value my wife and the life we've built. People make mistakes, and I belive in forgiveness. I'd work on forgiveness whether it was infidelity, addiction or other indiscretion – and I'd hope for the same from her if I were ever to fall.

That said, if it were to happen a second time the answer may be different.
"Regime change, like charity, begins at home." - Ira Glass, This American Life

Offline Angry Ewok

  • Staff Member
  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 5509
  • The Ewok Village Idiot
    • View Profile
    • www.TowheeStudio.com
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2006, 11:49 PM »
I'd also like to welcome you back, FG... We really missed you, man.

Offline Scott

  • Staff Member
  • Jedi Guardian
  • *
  • Posts: 18335
  • Get Some
    • View Profile
    • JediDefender
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2006, 12:06 AM »
I also a, very glad to see you back FG

I dated someone from early on in my Freshman year to very late in my Senior year of college.  We were starting to plan our wedding and where we were going to live when she finished up her doctorate.  During one week of March of that year, I got a job offer to work in Rochester, NY at Kodak, we had our Senior project due and I found out that she was sleeping with my former room mate.  Good times...so I went gaa gaa for a while.   He was the run of the mill frat boy alcoholic who had been physcially abusive to his last girlfriend and there was me the aspiring engineering geek. 

She and I had this huge drawn out talk and she wound up dumping me for him.  I look back on that week and wonder why in the hell I didn't take that job the very next day and move half way across the country.   The whole rest of my college career was a drunked mess.  I literally was vomiting blood at one point from drinking too much.  I just could not rationalize being dumped like that, after so much time and love and everything.  The biggest deal was that it was absolutely humiliating to be cheated on and dumped for this other guy...

And so the story goes that about 4 months after I was at the lowest point in my life, I met my wife.  Everything I thought I had lost was there plus 10,000,000 different and better things.  We got married 2 years after the fact and the rest is history...

But...its still hard to completely trust my wife because of what happened to me almost 10 years ago now.  That to me is the ****** up thing of it all.  I've gotten better as the years go by...mainly because my wife has done absolutely nothing to betray that trust.  And maybe that's why I'm so gaa gaa over her.  That said, if she did ever cheat on me, I'd have a really tough time trying to work it out.  Mainly because I've already had it happen once in my life...I guess it depends on how old the kids are and where we're at and everything. 

Offline BillCable

  • Jedi General
  • *
  • Posts: 9304
  • CreatureCantina.com SUCKS!!
    • View Profile
    • CreatureCantina.com
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2006, 12:27 AM »
Thankfully I've never been cheated on (nor done any cheating).  Early in my relationship with my wife, I told her that was the one thing for which I could never forgive her.  She understood, and it's never been an issue.  We've had our share of bumps in the road over the past 12+ years (married for almost 9), but never anything approaching that sort of betrayal.
Bill Cable - Steeler Fan & Star Wars Collector
  http://CreatureCantina.com       
"Cable is incapable of contributing anything positive to this world" - cstoj

Offline Famine

  • Noderator
  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 5050
  • Who watches The Famine?
    • View Profile
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2006, 01:28 AM »
I guess it depends on how old the kids are

I hear that a lot from parents, and I don't understand how that factors in at all. Please explain, Scott.

Kevin
« Last Edit: April 24, 2006, 01:29 AM by Famine »
The picture kept, will remind me...

Offline Scott

  • Staff Member
  • Jedi Guardian
  • *
  • Posts: 18335
  • Get Some
    • View Profile
    • JediDefender
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2006, 01:34 AM »
I think if the kids are older in their lives and the spouse is cheating, it would be easier to dump said bimbo.  Mainly because your only job when being married w/ younger children is to keep both of them going as strongly as possible in order to raise wonderful adults. 

I know a guy whose parents got divorced when he was 17, sure it messed with him, but he was practically already an adult and was able to deal with it a little bit better than a 4 year old who may end up with a new dad right after old dad boots cheater out of ye olde house

Offline Jesse James

  • Staff Member
  • Grand Master
  • *
  • Posts: 31565
  • Slippery When Poopy
    • View Profile
    • JediDefender.com
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2006, 01:55 AM »
I've thankfully not had it happen to me (that I'm aware), and wouldn't wish it on my enemies even...  It's just one of those things I think is a deal breaker.  I've got a jealous streak, I tend to keep an eye on who I date...  They also know it is a deal breaker for me, and I don't accept cheating.  I also like it to be known that I can be hurtful when I am tread upon, and only ask that who I date respects me enough to leave me if they really aren't happy with me, and let it be done and over with.

It's one of the worst things you can do to someone else I think...  Not to mention the dangers involved in this day and age...  I put a lot of effort into relationships, so I really do expect to be respected in them...  I've been with the girls who don't, and they're quite easy to walk away from no matter what qualities I saw in them to be attracted to them in the first place.

And also...

WTF Force Guy, where've you been?  Welcome back.
2011 Rebel Fleet Trooper Gets My Seal Of Approval!  But Where's The Friggin' Holster On Him!?
Jedi Defender.com Contributing Editor, Twitter @JediDefender & @Jesse_James77

Offline Matt

  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 5242
  • I'll feed you fruit that don't exist
    • View Profile
    • Lobot's Duplex
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2006, 01:58 AM »
My parents always had a horrible marriage (rumored infidelity, amongst many other, far worse things), but they stayed together because my mom thought it would be better for my sister and me as we were growing up. 

But things got to be so bad as we got into our late teens, that Mom finally decided to get a divorce, because we were both old enough to deal with it at that point, and (oh yeah) there's the whole thing that he probably would have killed her since we weren't around as much.

But the hindsight now is that they should have divorced much, much earlier--nuclear family be damned (well, actually, they never should have gotten married in the first place, but that's neither here or there).  It would have been better for everybody. 

Many more factors were involved than just simple infidelity--simple infidelity would have been a walk in the park, given everything else--but it's the same idea: Staying together for the sake of the kids can sometimes be much, much worse than getting divorced.

Offline Scott

  • Staff Member
  • Jedi Guardian
  • *
  • Posts: 18335
  • Get Some
    • View Profile
    • JediDefender
Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2006, 02:00 AM »
Agreed, if me or my wife went completely psycho on each other, I'd be more inclined to get the divorce.  I was talking in terms of the only infraction being infidelity