Author Topic: Infidelity.....what say you?  (Read 5017 times)

Offline Jesse James

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #60 on: April 29, 2006, 02:12 AM »
Hmmm, I don't know about the wandering eye Force Guy...  To me, that's almost subconscious for most...  I think if it is a persistant PROBLEM then it's one thing, but I think that fidelity is mostly in your ability to control yourself more than anything...  You are faithful because you care about the person, and you wouldn't do anything to hurt them like cheating...  Your eyes may wander, but do you act?  Procreation is a natural instinct, so wandering eyes will happen...  Do you do it in your partner's face, do you do it often, or constantly?  Or are you able to control yourself, and of course "keep it in your pants"?  That's where it, to me at least, isn't infidelity... 

To me, I can look at a good looking girl, admire whatever I'm admiring on her, but still not really feel as though I'm lusting for her...  Because the end debate in my mind is that "I wouldn't do anything to her because I'm with my gf and care about her"...  It's an interesting thought though, what you bring up, but I don't think I agree with the wandering eye syndrome unless it's blatant and constant, and is a "problem" between the people in the relationship.  If that makes sense.
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Offline Tracy

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #61 on: April 29, 2006, 08:10 AM »
Fortunately, my husband is the best thing that's ever happened to me

After JD, of course.

Let me rephrase that.   My husband was the best thing that ever happened to me until I found JD ;)

I don't have a problem with a wandering eye -- mainly because its never become a problem before.  When its not blatant or constant, but more out of a healthy, natural respect for an attractive woman, I don't really have a problem with it.  As a matter of fact, I tend to point them out to my hubby.  More so on television and print as opposed to a "real" woman.  In fact, I show him the "Hotties" thread on a regular basis.....
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Offline BillCable

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #62 on: April 29, 2006, 11:27 PM »
To me, I can look at a good looking girl, admire whatever I'm admiring on her, but still not really feel as though I'm lusting for her... 

Except at Hooters...
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Offline Jesse James

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #63 on: April 30, 2006, 02:03 AM »
You're mistaking me with our pink sweater wearing staffer...

That guy can't keep his eyes off the Hooters...

Plus I only get to the ones in PA, and the one in Monroeville in particular has girls who eat too much at Hooters working at Hooters if you ask me.
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Offline inadvertent imitation

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #64 on: April 30, 2006, 02:09 AM »
Fat chicks need love too.
don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk

Online Rob

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #65 on: April 30, 2006, 02:15 AM »
Just because I've already eaten, doesn't mean I can't take a look at the menu.


Offline Famine

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #66 on: April 30, 2006, 09:48 AM »
There are a few things I absolutley wont tolerate, and infidelity is one of those things. But does it really suprise you with the stories you read in magazines, the songs on the radio, and shows on TV like Desperate Housewives and what have you?

It makes it look ok. :(

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Offline DoctorPadawan

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #67 on: April 30, 2006, 11:24 AM »
Fat chicks need love too.

But they gotta pay. ;)

I think that the wandering eye phenomenon is something that everyone does, whether they will admit it or not, but I will say (and this is kind of going along with what both JJ and tamidala have said, in a manner of speaking) that if that type of thing is particularly bothersome to your partner, for whatever reason, that is when you need to reexamine why you are looking/leering at people.

I have dated girls in my life who will get very upset if the notion of me thinking another woman is cute is even brought up; I have also dated girls in my life that will watch adult films (if you get my drift) on their own when I'm not around and when I am around.  The point, however, is that if any of that made them uncomfortable or me uncomfortable, it would be stopped, and it's a respect issue more than anything else.  I think my "special lady friend" as Mr. Lebowski so eloquently refers to his partners is the most beautiful woman in the world and I would do anything for her; however, we trust each other fully and know that we would never act on anything.  Sure, Naomi Watts is hot, but she's a visual attraction; my SLF, on the other hand, is visually, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally the most beautiful woman in the world and someone I'd rather be with above all others.

My point in the middle of that "hahahaha DoctorPadawan's in love" jibberish is that there is a difference between fantasy and reality.  I don't think fantasy is harmful unless it becomes an obsession and/or acted upon, and quite honestly, the reality is almost always better than the fantasy (at least as far as I am concerned).

Offline inadvertent imitation

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #68 on: April 30, 2006, 02:17 PM »
Fat chicks need love too.

But they gotta pay. ;)

Not with me, they don't.  ;) I actually own a shirt that says "Gone Hoggin' " on it, and, well, make of that what you will.
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Offline Force Guy

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #69 on: April 30, 2006, 03:15 PM »
There are a few things I absolutley wont tolerate, and infidelity is one of those things. But does it really suprise you with the stories you read in magazines, the songs on the radio, and shows on TV like Desperate Housewives and what have you?

It makes it look ok. :(

Kevin

Amen to that.  You're right.  In this day & age, infidelity is considered chic.

While I'm not a believer that the media "controls" people, the media is largely responsible for creating or shaping a perception. 

And Rob, I agree with your comment, too.  The emotional connection is the one you need to worry about. 
« Last Edit: April 30, 2006, 03:16 PM by Force Guy »
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Offline Angry Ewok

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #70 on: April 30, 2006, 05:57 PM »
Meh. If your woman doesn't have a strong enough 'emotional connection' to stay loyal to you, and not sleep around, then she's not with it.

Offline Zack Attack

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #71 on: April 30, 2006, 08:47 PM »
welcome again, FG; this is the aforetitled Carpeteria speaking. sorry to hear of your failed relationship. i've never been a victim of infidelity, but recently my wife of three years confessed having a strong emotional connection to a fellow student in her grad program after he confessed to her that he loved her. we are working through it and i know for certain that nothing other than words occured between them, but if anything HAD happened, i know it would be very difficult for me to continue on in our marriage. the guy that talked to her is someone who we had all hung out with on a few occasions, and whom i actually got along with, so i was really upset to hear about it. i think his telling my wife about his feelings breaks social boundaries; i don't fault him for his feelings as they are natural, but there is a fine line between being honest with someone and crossing over boundaries the way he did. he was attempting to take advantage of some information my wife had talked with him about in regards to some personal issues we had had; he honestly thought that he would have a chance with her, hoping we would break up. needless to say, i'm not cool with him.

but my wife and i are strong enough to work through the issues, as painful or confusing as they may be. your situation sounds likely more serious, and it's probably best for your own sake of mind that you ended it (and i hope it was done so amicably at the very least, especially for your child's sake). good luck to you and best wishes. i'm sure it is still very difficult for you.

Offline LandotheScoundrel

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #72 on: May 1, 2006, 03:55 PM »
Quote
One guy she dated for several years was seeing three women at once and he had them unaware of the others.  He was one smooth bastard.

Yes, yes I am.  8)

Quote
There are a few things I absolutley wont tolerate, and infidelity is one of those things. But does it really suprise you with the stories you read in magazines, the songs on the radio, and shows on TV like Desperate Housewives and what have you?

It makes it look ok. Sad

Kevin

You know that infidelity has been going on since humans started having relationships, right? The Greek tragedy Agamemnon (458 BC), The Code of Hammurabi (1795-1750 BC), The Ten Commandments (~1300 BC) and many, many more. Its an awful thing to go through, whether you're the cheated-on, or the cheater. You can take some comfort in knowing that you are absolutely not alone in this, but it is a very tangled and ****** up side of human nature.

It really begs the question, is monogamy natural? It does occur in certain animals, but the human animal is far from being strictly monogamous. Instead we seem to force ourselves into it. With self control we are usually able to remain monogamous, but at what point does biology take over?

I have no answers for you man. I wish I did. But I've struggled with this myself on both sides, and I think that main thing is to focus on the good things in your life, even including the times you were happy with your ex-wife. This isn't something that will kill you...it sucks, but you'll live through it and be better for it.

I do recommend going to a psychologist though.

 
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Offline Hemish

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #73 on: September 15, 2006, 02:25 AM »
Heres an interesting take on it, I was cheated on by 4 girlfriends , it sent me mental, I kept questioning my self worth, what did I do wrong ? etc etc..
Then I just said to myself **** ** and I became an absolute bastard , I was with girls and cheated on them and didnt care, and you know what it felt good. I can say I grew up pretty fast and revenge on one of the girls that cheated on me, well I slept with her best friend and sister and told her about it when they were all around just to piss her off and It caused her some serious grief, but I didnt care.
I outgrew that bastard mentality though, and now my view is once you're married all that stops.
For instance I have a friend that told me recently that she is cheating with a married man and I told her I was seriously dissapointed in her, but she said it was just in her nature and it was always going to happen. I told her no you cant do that, before you put that ring on your finger you can scew around as much as you want but after that ring comes on it all stops. Just my 2cents

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Offline Dr. Zoltar

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Re: Infidelity.....what say you?
« Reply #74 on: September 20, 2006, 06:34 PM »
Fat chicks need love too.

But they gotta pay. ;)

Not with me, they don't.  ;) I actually own a shirt that says "Gone Hoggin' " on it, and, well, make of that what you will.

Nice to see we have a couple of posters here that respect people based on how they act, not on how they look.   ::)

But anyway...I do not tolerate infidelity.  Once any intimate contact occurs, it's over.  No seconds chances.  There are too many other folks in the world to have a healthy relationship with than to have to tolerate a cheating spouse.  And my wife feels the same way.