Author Topic: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06  (Read 2390 times)

Offline Quazar

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #15 on: June 12, 2006, 03:43 PM »
I enjoyed the first short chapter, but I am not sure I like how you're narrating it.  The trooper describing everything that happened to him in the past tense.  It's an odd style, I think you should switch to present tense.

That said, I like the custom, I like the images.  Despite the minimalist nature of your sets, I think this has the potential to be a very intriguing story.  As Longhorn as shown us, you don't need great FX or dioramas to make a compelling story.  The images in the first chapter, I think, are quite good. 

Please keep at it, as I am very eager to see more. I would try to tweak the writing just a bit, though.  i do like the characterization of the insecure Clone.

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Offline Roton7

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #16 on: June 12, 2006, 06:43 PM »
I see what you mean about him speaking in past-tense. I went back and tweaked what I think needed to be tweaked. Is it better now?
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Offline Smartypants1635

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #17 on: June 12, 2006, 07:29 PM »
I like the jist of the story, Unfortunately I still do not like how it is put together.If you check out Rykrof enloe and SA longhorns you'll notice that in the naration they don't include the dialouge, they let the person actually say it. So it would be like this.

Skywalker: the hanger was attacked
 
then narrate from first person so it would be then
"What does he think i am stupid?" I thought.  I then responded

Commander: Must have been the seps.
Skywalker: yes I think you are right

"Of course I'm right" I thought "I'm always right."

so it flows a bit easier that way we can see the dialouge flow I guess.

Offline Roton7

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2006, 08:59 PM »
I get it!

I'll go back to tweaking then!
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Offline In Rem

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #19 on: June 12, 2006, 09:04 PM »
Roton

Don't get too frustrated. This stuff can be hard, and it's very much a matter of personal taste. I know as well as anyone the work that goes into a PN, and it's hard to hear some folks don't like what you've done as much as you do.

The most important criteria at the end of the day is that you like it.

I think you've made two *very* fine efforts here. I would agree that you're going to have a lot more flexibility in your story telling if you go into a present-tense narrative  with dialogue spread around as opposed to a pure past-tense narrative.

Keep on truckin, man. Despite the minor criticisms, you're doing great!

Offline Roton7

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #20 on: June 12, 2006, 09:08 PM »
Thanks!!

Okay guys, hopefully the tweaking I just made is the final tweaking I will have to do. Now...do ya like it?
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Offline Smartypants1635

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #21 on: June 12, 2006, 09:40 PM »
YEAH excellant much better Roton, I ike the set up now, now lets get to the good stuff ;D

Offline Roton7

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #22 on: June 12, 2006, 09:44 PM »
Yes! Finally they enjoy what i've made! :P


I have part 3 ready, but I want to get some more feedback, and I want to post these other 2 customs, both before I put up #3. Part 3 will be quite a bit shorter, almost as short as Part 1.

Comments are still welcome!

EDIT: The customs are up!
« Last Edit: June 12, 2006, 09:56 PM by Roton7 »
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Offline Artoo

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #23 on: June 24, 2006, 12:04 AM »
I like it,but the chapters seem too short.
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Offline Roton7

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #24 on: June 24, 2006, 12:33 AM »
They'll be short for a while, then they'll get longer. Since what's happening in the PN right now is not filled with action, I don't want to bore the audience with 20 photos with no action and purely dialogue. The only 2 people who can pull that off are CHEWIE and SA_Longhorn. But I can't.
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Offline Artoo

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Re: Special Ops: A Soldier's Tale - Part 2 added 6/12/06
« Reply #25 on: June 28, 2006, 12:50 AM »
LOL.Maybe watch the movies & see how Lucas does it,well besides AOTC. :P
KAY-BEE STANDARD RESPONSE:  "All we have is 1990's 'Robocop' toys."
WHICH MEANS:  "Holy ******* ****, please shoot m