Author Topic: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH  (Read 2049 times)

Offline Nirvana

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CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« on: June 29, 2006, 02:47 PM »
Introduction

Soon after the transition to Phase 2 armor in the Clone Wars, the Air Drop Shock Commandos were transferred to the small forest planet of Nokoi Mindar, specifically the Jaderona Region, a thick, wet mass of jungle and plains strangely occupied by the notorious CIS. Command sent out teams of three to scout out the region before the full-fledged ground assault and to collect data on enemy positions. One such squad was F Squad, consisting of Captain Ratay, and Corporals Athen and Keller.

Chapter 1

JADERONA REGION, EARLY EVENING

       F Squad was strung out in a loose skirmish line, with Kellar brining up the rear guard and Capt. Ratay on point. The planet's sun was starting to set, and the foliage was still damp after a light shower.

       "Darnit, Captain, why are we out here? I haven't picked up a target on the tracker since we left the dropship," Kellar pouted, looking around the dense foliage with a DC held loosely in his gauntlets.

       "Do you ever stop complaining, Corporal?" Ratay countered. "We're out here, for the tenth time," he added, "to scout out this region for supposed CIS activity."

       "Specifically,"he continued, motioning to a larger cluster of trees, "to check out that group of vegetation about a klick south." Athen grumbled, and pulled his boot out of a puddle of mud.

       "I've got movement 100 yards to the south," Kellar said calmly, spinning around to face the direction the target had come from. "It has no heat signature, so it could be a dr-"

       There was a crack of a blaster bolt, and Athen was suddenly down in the mud with a hole punched through his right shoulder.

       Kellar rushed over to the corporal to administer first aid while Ratay searched for the droid who fired the shot. "Gotcha," Ratay said quietly, and pulled the trigger, eleminating the sniper droid camped out in a bush.

       Kellar walked up to Ratay. "Captain, Corporal Athen is hit pretty hard. He's unconcious right now, which isn't a good sign. The best thing that I could do is pump some bacta into him and bunker down for the night until a Gunship can come pick us up in the morning. He won't survive the trek back to Command. I would radio in for a Gunship now, but there's a pretty bad storm rolling in, and they wouldn't send out a bird in those conditions."
       "Okay," Ratay agreed. "Let's cover him up and put down for the night." "Are you sure there won't be any more droids tonight?" Kellar asked. "I dont have any more signatures on my tracker, but you never k-"
       "CIS never follow the conventional sniper rules," Ratay interrupted. "They always travel alone, and if we cover ourselves, we'll blend in pretty well with the night. I wouldn't worry."

       Kellar covered Athen up with some loose foliage and laid him down in a small ditch.

       Ratay sat back on a small hill and looked on thoughtfully. His first mission on Nokoi Mindar was not going well. One of his squad members was fatally wounded, and now they had to spend a night in droid infested unfamiliar territory.

       Kellar finished up taking care of Athen and decided to try to sleep as well. He laid down, covered himself with loose groundcover, and switched off his comlink.

The Captain rolled over and decided to do the same, and slowly fell into a fitful sleep.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Well, I hope you like it. I don't have a working title yet, so please leave suggestions. LMK what you think. Thanks for looking.
« Last Edit: June 29, 2006, 10:23 PM by Darth Nirvana »
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Offline Smartypants1635

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2006, 03:03 PM »
Way better than your old ones,I love the use of real foliage, The weathering doesn't look overly done, once you place them outside.

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2006, 04:07 PM »
Hey nice job and good to see you back in the PN game Nirvana. 

The thing I'd work on would be for the pics to be a consistent size/format, just makes it easier to follow.

Those are some really, really clear pics.  Very good photography and the customs look very good.  The action was very nice too.  Looking very forward to more.

 :)

Offline CloneCommander1

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2006, 06:17 PM »
Very cool, great pics, and a cool story.  But if they're air-drop shock commandos, Where is the shock by air?!  Seriously, although it would be hard to film, an insertion out of a gunship under heavy fire would be SWEET!  Anyway, just an idea, really looking forward to more, great work! :)
It's not just football, it's Notre Dame football!

Offline Artoo

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2006, 06:33 PM »
I like it,nice customs too!
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Offline Roton7

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2006, 06:34 PM »
I love it! Very neat storyline, excellent pictures, sweet customs, it's just great!
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Offline Nirvana

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2006, 08:44 PM »
The thing I'd work on would be for the pics to be a consistent size/format, just makes it easier to follow.

How exactly would I do that? I have a rather generic editing program and I occasionally have to take vertical shots to get the object that I want in focus. I didn't crop them or anything, but they came out different sizes.

Way better than your old ones,I love the use of real foliage, The weathering doesn't look overly done, once you place them outside.

Yeah, the flash on my customs really highlights the weathering, but I like the way it looks outdoors.

Very cool, great pics, and a cool story.  But if they're air-drop shock commandos, Where is the shock by air?!  Seriously, although it would be hard to film, an insertion out of a gunship under heavy fire would be SWEET!  Anyway, just an idea, really looking forward to more, great work! :)

Well, they don't "shock" in midair, but they're inserted in combat from the air as a shock combat team...it doesn't really work on this planet, but it's what they were created for.

I agree on the Gunship, but then I would have to buy a Gunship.  ;) Maybe insert them by ARC or something, lol.

Thank you for everyone's kind comments, I'll start working on Chapter 2 sometime next week hopefully...I have to develop the storyline and make some more customs to go with it.

 :)
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Offline CloneCommander1

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2006, 09:18 PM »
Hey, ARC insertion is a viable option, there's concept art from ROTS somewhere that shows someone running across an ARC wing as it hovers.  But I don't have that pic.  Again, nice job, looking forward to chap 2.
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Offline BrentS

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #8 on: June 29, 2006, 10:13 PM »
D_N -  I just got a chance to read throught the PN.  I like it.  Your digital camera does a great job capturing pictures.  A few comments:

The third picture is my favorite - simply stunning!
The placement of the figures when the scout is checking on his fallen comrad is also very well done.
The written parts are good, you do a nice job telling the story.  The only misspelling I picked up on was "eliminating"

I agree with Chewie about the picture format.  I've really struggled with the vertical shots too.  But it really does help with the continuity if you crop them to the same size.  Also I think the pictures turned out a bit too small.  I've noticed that Photobucket has a tendency to shrink the photos if they are larger than about 200kb.  So you may want to manually change the scale prior to importing them to keep your original dimensions in tact.

Keep up the great work  ;D

Offline Brisk Arper

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #9 on: June 30, 2006, 05:55 AM »
wow this is really good, love those customs, and your photography is very good, cant wait for more of this pn
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Offline CommanderKorbra

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2006, 02:22 PM »
Great photography dude. And it's so cool seeing your customs walk around and shoot things and get shot at :) Keep up the great work!
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Offline Smartypants1635

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #11 on: June 30, 2006, 05:28 PM »
Wait I just noticed something. Why is Athen wearing Ratays Comando helmet??

Offline Nirvana

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Re: CHAPTER 1- AMBUSH
« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2006, 05:43 PM »
Well, I was dullcoating my new ADSC that same day, and the paint chipped on his helmet, and I didn't have time to repaint it and reweather it, so I just swapped it out with his helmet. I can always switch the helmets for Chapter 2 and have Ratay wear his commando helmet.

Thanks for all the comments, guys, Chapter 2 might be up early this week.
My whole expanse...I cannot see...