Author Topic: Henry Phoenix #2 - Don Phoenix  (Read 566 times)

Offline Phoenix

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Henry Phoenix #2 - Don Phoenix
« on: July 22, 2006, 12:23 PM »
Henry Phoenix #2 - Don Phoenix
The following takes place after Henry Phoenix #1 - The Order.


Felon Yorker: Hey! This doesn't look like War Room!
Oracle: Oh, hello!


Felon Yorker: Uh...what is this place...and who are you?
Oracle: This is W1, meaning that this is a warehouse and I'm the Oracle, appointed by Grand Master Phoenix himself.


Felon Yorker: Well, what does an oracle exactly do?
Oracle: Well, I actually just calculate odds for big fights against the Empire.


Felon Yorker: I see. What is this?
Oracle: It's the computer system called the Oracle. You can ask anything from it and the system replies what it wants.


Felon Yorker: And what...?
Oracle: It's somebody frozen inside carbonite. I think that Grand Master said that it was some Veridovich guy.


Felon Yorker: So, you've got a nice place here. Do you mind if I try the Oracle system?
Oracle: Yes, I do! Please leave now and don't take that drink with you, mister!
Felon Yorker: Bah...


Felon Yorker: Well, well! This isn't quite like War Room!


Felon Yorker: Seems like this is Jack's room...hey! There's a drink!


Felon Yorker: I wonder...what's the purpose of this fireplace?


Felon Yorker: Darn! Where did that drink go?


Felon Yorker: I found it...but what is this room anyway?


Felon Yorker: Jack's secret wardrobe, eh? Well, maybe he doesn't mind me "borrowing" a few items...


Felon Yorker: Nice clothes, but now I need to go to the War Room. Who knows what might be going on there...


Felon Yorker: Well, what a lucky accident! The droid's away! I can sneak to the computer.


Felon Yorker: I want to know what this says about Jack since he should be arriving soon.


Felon Yorker: A what? Jack is DEAD? But how come...unless...it's an imposter!


Felon Yorker: I must inform Henry about this!


Felon Yorker: Henry! May we speak? This is urgent!
Henry Phoenix: Uhh...sure thing.


Henry Phoenix: So, what is it, Felon?
Felon Yorker: I just found out something about Jack...something that you must see!


Fitch Adell: Excuse me, Xentor. I forgot one thing that I should have done.
Xentor Helros: As long as it doesn't involve killing or torturing Rash Skyhek, go ahead.


Meanwhile, on Oracle's room:
Felon Yorker: See?
Henry Phoenix: I can't believe this!


Henry Phoenix: What should we do? Any ideas?
Felon Yorker: Well, I think that we should arrest that "wrong Jack" and make him tell us where he hid the real one.
Henry Phoenix: I agree.


On communications room:
Mysterious hooded figure: Open up already...


Hologram Vader: What is it? I'm in a middle of a fight!
Mysterious hooded figure: I'm terribly sorry, my lord. Anyway, Jack Phoenix will be arriving withing moments.
Hologram Vader: At last I can have my revenge on him!


Mysterious hooded figure: Mr. Fett, Jack Phoenix will be landing soon enough. You know the address.
Hologram Fett: Yes. Thank you...


And on the landing platform, Phoenix Force I lands.


Red: It's so darn good to be home again!
Gregor McRae: I agree, sir.


Red: Ok, guys, light your sabers!
3 Acolytes: Yes sir!


Gregor McRae: Sir...
Jack Phoenix: You've done good job, as always, Gregor. You may dismiss.
Gregor McRae: Thank you, sir.


Fitch Adell: Listen up, imposter! You're under arrest! We have discovered your true form! Take him away!
Jack Phoenix: I don't get this...
Red: ADELL!


Felon Yorker: Guys, be careful. He might be armed.
Xentor Helros: We will be careful, sir.


Red: Adell, damn you! I don't know how the hell you arranged this, but I guarantee that you'll pay for this!
Fitch Adell: Oh, I'm like so scared...you aren't scaring even a womp rat, Red!


Fitch Adell: Well, we're done with this. Shall we go?
Felon Yorker: Yeah.


Soon after this, in the interrogation room:
Fitch Adell: Excuse me...
Curtis Manning: I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not allowed to let anybody near the prisoner.


Fitch Adell: Yeah, but I mean...
Curtis Manning: I'm sorry, no exceptions.


THUD!

Curtis Manning: What the...?
Fitch Adell: Take this!


Fitch Adell: And now, you stupid little mole...
Rash Skyhek: What are you going to do me?


Fitch Adell: Guess.
Rash Skyhek: Oh no! Nooo! Please! Mercy!


And on another interrogation room:
Xentor Helros: And for the last time: WHERE IS REAL JACK PHOENIX?!
Jack Phoenix: I don't know what you're talking about! I'm the real deal!


Jack Phoenix: Actually, to hell with you two...


Jack Phoenix: ...Fools...


Red (thinking): Damn Adell...


Luigi&Teuvo: SIR!
Jack Phoenix: Let's go, guys. I think that we all have something to say to Fitch Adell, eh?


Fitch Adell (thinking): Mwahahhaa....fools! When Vader invades this building, I will be far away!


Jack Phoenix: Stop right there, partner! You're under arrest!
Fitch Adell: Oh, am I? How scary...or then not!


Jack Phoenix: Get him!
Red: With pleasure, sir!
Fitch Adell: I warned you! Now you will have to pay the ultimate price...


Fitch Adell: No dot come any closer or I will attack!
Jack Phoenix: And you think that we don't? Wrong answer.


Jack, Teuvo, Luigi&Red: My head!
Fitch Adell: I am far more greater that you all! Kneel before me!


Fitch Adell: Did I not warn you to come any closer? Fool!


Jack Phoenix: Now you're going down, traitor! Nobody kills an acolyte and walks away!
Fitch Adell: Oh, really? I thought that I'd fly away!


Although Jack is aided by 3 skilled swordsmen, the fight is still hard. Is Fitch a Sith lord? A Dark Jedi? Or what?


Fitch Adell: I have been waiting this for far too long, my little friend!
Jack Phoenix: Aaarrgghhh! Aiiiieee!
Teuvo: Boss!


Fitch Adell: Who wants to try their luck next? Anybody?


Teuvo: This is from me and boss!
Fitch Adell: M-my hand...
Jack Phoenix: Good job, Teuvo.


Jack Phoenix: Make sure to keep an eye on him...or a lightsaber.


Jack Phoenix: I'll meet you at your room. Take the trator with you.
Red: Yes, sir.

As always, comments and feedback are welcome. :)
This space intentionally left blank.

Offline Swede

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Re: Henry Phoenix #2 - Don Phoenix
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2006, 04:11 PM »
... And the adventure continues! Go Henry!  :D

This second round is starting to tighten up quite a bit.  I'm really enjoying the set ups, and the plot is moving along.   I still get a kick out of seeing that blue hair ... it's such a simple modification, but it really does make the character have a totally different appearance.

My one crit I'll make, is that you may want to mix up your camera angles a little more and try a lighter color on the blue saber ... I am also guilty of making my blaster effects and sabers to dark  :-[

Just some things that stuck out to me, but as always ... a really fun read!
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Offline Brisk Arper

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Re: Henry Phoenix #2 - Don Phoenix
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2006, 01:34 PM »
this is really good...i think its great to see another order of jedi after order 66...maybe you could put them against some inperial knights later on in the story...anywho...really cool...looking forward to more...p.s i agree with swede about the sabers...definatly need to be lighter...other than that....exelent work!
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ITS A TWAP!!!