Author Topic: The Annex  (Read 2334 times)

Offline Flacksguy

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The Annex
« on: August 18, 2006, 10:47 PM »
I posted this the other day over at RS and got a pretty good response. It is my first attempt at a serious PN. I usually do comedies.  Hope you guys like it.




 ******WARNING******



 The following Photonovel contains Strong Language, Simulated Violence & Gore.
 Not recommended for younger viewers



.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #1 on: August 18, 2006, 10:48 PM »



The Annex
 8/9/06



Prologue



Not long after the beginning of the Clone Wars, the earliest Clone examples,
units that had been ready long before the conflict began, have already started to deteriorate.
Thinking these soliders are no longer of any use to the war effort,
the Republic has decided to reassign them to help out in other areas of public safety....







 





-------------------------




 

The Coruscant Correctional Institution-Annex....




--------------------




 

...the Director of the Coruscant Correctional Institution-Annex (CCI-X),
Commander Bishop Robinson, is distracted this morning.
He is expecting four new officers today.
But these officers were not hired by his department....they were assigned by the Republic....




-------------------------




 

 CR-25R  : Good morning sir,
It seems the new officers are arriving at Security Control.

 Robinson  : Yes......
Thank you CR, thank you.

(sigh) I guess we'll see how this goes, won't we?

 CR-25R  :  Is something wrong sir?
It was my understanding that the Institution was in great need of new officers.
The Republic has been kind enough to re-assign some of it's soliders that are no longer needed for war.




-------------------------




 

 Robinson  :  We are...
We're always in need of officers...

I just can't help thinking....

Y'know, we humans have a saying :
"Be careful what you wish for"

 CR-25R  :  With all due respect sir, you humans have many sayings.
"Beggars can't be choosers" is another, I believe?

 Robinson  :  Heh, heh, heh. You're right my friend.
You are very wise.
I know these are probably fine men, who have proved themselves in battle,
but for some reason......




-------------------------




 

.....I'm just not sure they can handle the Annex.



.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #2 on: August 18, 2006, 10:49 PM »
The Annex
 8/9/06









 

 The new officers head down the long hallway toward the Roll Call room. They are greeted by the familiar sound of a commander giving orders....




-------------------------




 

"....O.I.C. East Wing-Sgt. Hyde
.....East Wing Officers-Ofc. Bond, Ofc. Weeks
.....O.I.C. West Wing-Sgt. Hayhurst
.....West Wing Officers-Ofc. Young, Ofc. Claiborne




-------------------------




 

 Capt. Edwards  :  Well, well.
Nice of you to join us.
You men are late, I expect you here at the start of Roll Call, just like everyone else

 Ofc. Hollis :  Sorry Sir.




-------------------------




 

 Capt. Edwards  :  That armour doesn't mean anything here, you'll be treated just like everyone else, and that includes arriving on time, do I make myself clear?

 All :  Yes Sir.

 Capt. Edwards  :  You can leave those helmets here, I don't want to see them inside the jail.





--------------------------




 

 Capt. Edwards  :  Sgt. Dozier, I want you to show these men around,
then split them up and send two to observe out in the yard with Sgt. Ham, and take two with you to Central Store Room.
You'll be in charge of these men today Sgt. Dozier.

 Dozier  :  Yes Sir.




-------------------------




 

 Capt. Edwards  :  ...welcome to the Annex, gentlemen.
Dismissed!




-------------------------





 

 Dozier  :  How you doin'
..names Dozier. You guys were in the War I see,
 Clones, huh?

 Ofc Hollis :  Yeah, I'm Commander....I mean Ofc. Hollis
This is Ofc. Graves, Ofc. Harrod & Ofc. Cota.

 Graves, Harrod & Cota  :  Hey.

 Dozier  :  What are those things on your belts?

 Hollis  :  They WERE Ammo cartridges, they're empty now, all of them.

 Dozier  :  Good,
You guys won't need all that armour here, just your chest plate from now on.
We all wear chest armour here in the Annex. They don't need it next door at C.C.I., but we do here.
Don't want anybody getting stabbed up.
You guys can leave the rest of that stuff at home tomorrow.




-------------------------




 

 Hollis  :  So what's with that guy, he always like that?

 Dozier  :  Who, Cap?
Captain Edwards is a good man to work for. You do your job, and you won't have no problems with him.
I'll tell you what, be glad you'll be on his shift and not Capt. Cheney's.




-------------------------




   

 Hollis  :  Why is this place called the Annex?
It's not an annex to anything is it?

 Dozier  :  Actually, it is.
About 7 years ago, the Dept.of Public Safety went to the Republic with a proposal for a new jail because of the overcrowding.
The Republic turned it down, said it was way too expensive.
But they DID approve an ANNEX to the existing jail.




-------------------------



 

  Dozier  :  So Public Safety went ahead and built an entirely new jail, right next to the old one, and called it "The Annex".
C.C.I.-Annex.
Pretty slick, huh?
We're a completely separate jail from C.C.I.,
even have our own Director, but on paper we're just an annex.
Toughest jail on the planet too.
When they were stocking this place up with inmates, they took the worst criminals and shipped 'em over here.
Practically emptied out SuperMax, most of those guys are over here now.

Well men, here's our first stop....





-------------------------





 

....Center Hall.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  This is basically where the jail is run, you'll hear orders given by the Center Hall officer over the radio all day,
 you also access the different areas of the jail through here.
Center Hall Control will let you through those gates to East Wing, over there West Wing, and those over there go to H, I and J-Dorms, as well as Central Store Room and M-Dorm.
Each of the wings have their own access to the yard.
Any inmate coming into Center Hall is to be shackeled.
No Exceptions.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Follow me, I'll take you up on a Tier.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Oh, let me show you this...
This is the passkey.

 Ofc. Hollis  :  I thought that was a blaster.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Noooo,
No weapons are allowed in the jail.
You don't want an inmate getting ahold of them do you?
This is what you need to open interior doors throughout the jail and the Tier Box.
Center Hall Control works the doors in Center Hall, but the passkey will work the rest of your inside doors.
It will also give you a readout of every inmate in the jail.
Name, number, where he belongs...
This does NOT leave your person.
You either hold it, or have it on your belt.
When you change shifts, you HAND IT to the officer releaving you.
Got it?

 Hollis, Graves  :  Got it.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Come on, Tiers are right this way.




-------------------------




 

 Protocol Droid bumps into Ofc. Hollis

 Hollis  :  Hey, What the....



-------------------------




 

 Hollis  :  Stay the Hell away from me you Fility Droid!!!




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Man, What is WRONG with you?

 Hollis  :  I don't want those things anywhere near me!

 Dozier  :  You need to get over that crap right now, this ain't your damn war.
Those Protocol Droids work here in the jail, they ain't out to get you. So relax!




-------------------------




 

 Hollis  :  Sorry man.

 Dozier  :  Sheesh.....( shakes head )
come on, let's go.





-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  O.K., this is West Wing, Tier 3, B side.
You have 4 Tiers on each Wing, 2 sides to each Tier, an A side and a B side.
So this would be 3-B, get it? 3rd Tier, B-side, the other side would be 3-A.
Upstairs would be 4-A and 4-B, downstairs 2-A and 2-B.
First Floor is Lock-Up on the West side.

 Hollis  :  Lock up?

 Dozier  :  Yeah, Lock-Up, or Segregation. We'll show you that later.
Come on down the Tier...




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  ....these are your cells, there are 149 on each side. Why 149 and not 150, I don't know....

 Human Inmate  :  OOOOH, Look at the pretty new officers!!

 Gotal Inmate  :  Yeah, I'm gonna peel the armour off that yellow one and **** him right in the Ass!!




-------------------------




 

 Falleen Inmate  :  What are looking at tough guy?
Are you a bad ass solider? You wanna step to me bitch?

 Arcona Inmate  : Why the **** do they all look the same? and what's with that one in the back,
his armour ain't all dirty like the rest of 'em.



-------------------------




 

 Shistavanen Inmate  :  Yeah, he must have been scared. He hung out in the back.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Is that what happened punk? You scared?




-------------------------




 

 Devaronian Inmate  :  Hey Officer, don't pay them no mind.
Welcome to the Annex, my name's Ninevah...

 extends hand to greet officer





-------------------------




 

 ZAP

 Ofc. Cota  :  AHHHH.....

 Inmates  :  BWWAAHAAA HAA HAA HAA HAA




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  What the?
What are you doing Cota?

 Cota  :  I went to shake that inmates hand and something zapped me.

 Dozier  :  Ray Shields, Cota.
The cells are equipped with ray sheilds, if you had been paying attention to me instead of the inmates you'd have heard what I said-
red light above the cell means shields are up-got it?

 Cota  :  Yes sir.

 Devaronian Inmate  :  heh heh heh




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Come on, let's go.

 Devaronian Inmate  :  That was some funny ****.

 Shistavanen Inmate  :  HA HA, Hey look at the bright side officer, you got some battle damage now!!!

 Arcona Inmate  :  Ha Ha Ha, Welcome to the Annex Rookie!!!


.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2006, 07:05 AM by Flacksguy »

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #3 on: August 18, 2006, 10:50 PM »





-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  This is the box for this Tier, here's where you open the cells.
You open the box with the passkey, and you open the cells with these levers.
Same thing, red light-closed, green-open.




-------------------------




 

 Sgt. Ham  :  What's up Doz, you babysittin'?

 Dozier  :  Yeah,
Men, this is Sgt. Ham, he's going to take Ofcs Harrod & Cota to check out the Recreation Yard.




-------------------------




 

 Ham  :  Come on, follow me.

 Dozier  : Hollis, Graves, you're coming with me to Central Store Room.

 Duro Inmate  :  uhhh, could somebody open my cell?




-------------------------




 

 Hollis  :  What's Central Store Room? I keep hearing that name.

 Dozier  :  The post is actually called Central Store Room Gate, it's the worst post in the jail.
You guys will find yourselves there alot, all rookies do.




-------------------------




 

 Graves  :  What's so bad about it?

 Dozier  :  The Showers and the Laundry are down there, the Officer at that post has to watch those two areas, as well as control movement through the gate.
Alot of fights go on in the Showers and Laundry.
Plus it's downstairs, radios don't work so well down there.
Takes forever for people to respond.
It just sucks.
You guys will see, it....




-------------------------




 

 conversation is interrupted by an urgent radio call

 RADIO  : 
 **ATTENTION ALL UNITS**
**ATTENTION ALL UNITS**
**BE ADVISED...WE HAVE A 10-13 IN J-DORM**
**A 10-13 IN J-DORM**
**MULTIPLE INMATES INVOLVED**
**ALL AVAILABLE UNITS RESPOND**




-------------------------





 

 Dozier  COME ON!!!!

 The Radio, mostly quiet all day, suddenly explodes with traffic

 RADIO  :
**...OPEN THE WEST WING GRILL...**
**.....WE NEED THE NURSE IN J-DORM....**
**CENTER HALL TO ALL HOUSING AREAS....SECURE YOUR AREAS, HOLD ALL MOVEMENT**




-------------------------




 

 Hollis  :  10-13, that's a fight, isn't it?

 Dozier  :  J-Dorm's right through here.....

 RADIO  : 
**CENTER HALL TO ALL TIER OFFICERS.....LOCK YOUR TIERS DOWN....**




-------------------------




 





-------------------------




 

 Sgt. Dozier and another officer, Ofc. Watts, head straight to break up the larger inmates
 Hollis & Graves are directed to break up a smaller group

 Dozier :  YOU SEPARATE THOSE TWO!!!




-------------------------




 

 Dozier & Watts quickly subdue the inmates




-------------------------




 

 Hollis & Graves have a much harder time

 Hollis :  He won't let go...

 Graves  :  aarrggghh...

 Dozier  :  Just a sec, boys.
Let me show you a trick.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Cover his eyes, and he lets go...




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  ...see?




-------------------------




 

 Hollis  :  Thanks man.

 Ofc. Young  :  Hey Dozier,
there's something you need to see....




-------------------------







 Ofc. Young leads the others to the J-Dorm bathroom to find.....







-------------------------







 

 Hollis  :  Damn, what happened to that guy?

 Dozier  :  Guess he pissed somebody off.
You notify Cap about this, Young?

 Young  :  Yeah, he's on his way.

 Graves :  Is that his blood? Why is it bubbling like that?

 Dozier  :  I don't know, but don't get it on you.
We're gonna need to get all these inmates out of this Dorm, Cap's gonna want to do an investigation.
Young, check with Sgt. Hayhurst, make sure he's got room on Lock-Up for those guys.





-------------------------





 

 Dozier  :  I'm going to need you to pack up the belongings of all those inmates who are going on Lock-Up.
Pack it all up and inventory it.
Come with me, I'll get you a list of what they can have.





-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Here are some boxes and a datapad.
When you're done, bring everything to Center Hall.
Think you can handle that?

 Hollis :  Yeah, we can handle it.

 Dozier  :  Good, have fun.




-------------------------




 

 Graves  :  You get the feeling that packing up inmates' stuff is another one of those crappy jobs?

 Hollis  :  They've ALL been crappy jobs.
But yeah, you're right, I think we're going to be here awhile.




-------------------------




 Later....much later




 

 Dozier  :  heh,
I forgot about you two.
You finish that up yet?

 Hollis  :  We just finished, that's everything right there.




-------------------------




 

 Dozier  :  Alright, that's it.....you can go.

 Graves  :  Go where?

 Dozier  :  Home,
Shifts over. You guys made it through your first day.
Congratulations.
Maybe tomorrow wont be so easy on ya.
 smiles




-------------------------




 

 Graves :  Easy?
He said today was easy.

 Hollis  :  It wasn't so bad.
.....come on, let's get outta here.

....

...

..

.







Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2006, 10:51 PM »





Epilogue




-------------------------




 Hollis & Graves meet up with Harrod & Cota on their way out of the jail





 

 Hollis  :  What's up guys, how was your day?

 Harrod  :  Great, we stood around in the yard guarding a wall, then stood around in the Feed-Up area, guarding ANOTHER wall...





-------------------------




 

 Cota  :  Yeah, then after that, we got to guard the wall in the yard again.
What about you two, we heard you had some excitement today.

 Graves  :  A little bit, but it was still an "Easy" day.

 Harrod  :  So what do you think Hollis?
This ain't gonna be a bad job, huh?
We're gonna do our part for the Republic.

 Hollis  :  You want to know what I think?




-------------------------




 

 Hollis : I think they made a mistake sending us here.....

.....a big mistake.


....
...
..
.

The End.

Offline Jedi_Assassin

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2006, 10:55 PM »
I saw this over at RS, and I think it is a great story. Good job!

Offline Swede

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2006, 10:59 AM »
Yahoooooo.....
Flacks, I'm stoked you've decided to bring your fantastic photonovel over here!  You already know my opinion from RS, but I just wanted to say welcome and encourage others to check out this top notch story.  ;D

See ya round the boards, bud.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Offline 212th Battalion

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2006, 12:42 PM »
That was awsome ! cant wait to see what happens next keep up the good work ;)
Momar and Fester

Offline Artoo

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2006, 11:34 AM »
Welcome, Flacks! Can you post your RS funny novels over here? Nice to see you again!

I liked the novel & your customs!
KAY-BEE STANDARD RESPONSE:  "All we have is 1990's 'Robocop' toys."
WHICH MEANS:  "Holy ******* ****, please shoot m

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2006, 07:40 AM »
Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone.

Jedi Assassin --Thanks for checking it out both places, glad you enjoyed it.

Swede-- Thanks for the welcome. I knew there were alot of great PN's over here, so I wanted to see what the response to mine would be.

212th Battalion --Thanks man, appreciate the feedback.

Artoo --Ha Ha, glad you liked my "customs". I guess they technically ARE customs, just not very good ones. I could use a little practice in that area.  :D
As far as the comedies I've done in the past, I've been told that they may not go over as well here on JD, so I think I'll just leave them where they are.
Thanks anyway.

Offline S_A_Longhorn

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #10 on: August 21, 2006, 12:16 PM »
FINALLY, FLACKSGUY JOINS JD.COM!!!

Welcome to these boards and the photonovels section that gets a lot more attention and traffic than the RS board.

I posted my comments over at RS, so I won't repost them here.

Bring over your SW Bloopers PN.  Everyone will get a kick out of them over here.
"WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.  TODD WILL COOPERATE."
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Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #11 on: August 21, 2006, 10:18 PM »

Hey, thanks Longhorn.
Yeah, it's been pretty slow over at RS. Seems like a good group over here though.

Offline Reid

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2006, 11:32 PM »
Cool new PN Flacksguy. Cracked up when I read that the Gotal said he was gonna anally rape the clone, hehe.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #13 on: August 22, 2006, 07:06 AM »

Thank you Hunter.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah, that's pretty much what you'd hear in the jail.

Offline Quazar

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Re: The Annex
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2006, 03:53 AM »
Flacksguy, this is an AWESOME photonovel.

Wow, I friggn' love it.

What an imaginative premise!  Highly original, I've never seen anything like it.

There is so much to love here.  The story, dialogue and characterizations are great.  The concept is brilliant.  The characters really pop and I love Dozier, great choice of a customized Mace head, since I can so hear this guy being played by Samuel L. Jackson.

I love the backstory gag about the Annex itself, which is brilliantly satirical.

I love the world you create here, a very unique and imaginative take on an undiscovered corner of the SW universe.

I love the orange jumpsuits you made for all your inmates.  damn, that must've been hard!

Outstanding work, welcome to JD!  I have been a fan of your humorous work at RS and I would definitely encourage you to post them here.

I am a little dismayed over the fact that there are so many good photonovels here and at RS that seem to get very little feedback.  And I'll admit I'm just as guilty as others, since I haven't been posting much lately and don't comment on every single photonovel (just because I'm usually pretty busy).

But I really wish that these awesome stories, whether they're yours or Swede's or Longhorn's or Ennis' or Lushro Dofine's got more replies.  Making photonovels is probably the most difficult and labor intensive project on these boards, as it involves making customs and making dioramas and writing and photoshopping/special effects.

And yet....so often, an awesome story like yours only gets a small smattering of comments.  What the heck? 

It seemed like last year, all you had to do was crank out a quickie clone custom and you'd get a dozen replies.  But spend hours and hours on a photonovel and you're lucky if you crack double-digits.

I don't want to denigrate anyone's great custom work, but I just wish that, both on JD and RS, that we could somehow revitalize and re-energize the fan base so that these stories not only get big audiences but get some feedback.

As a once and (hopefully) future photnovelist myself, I have had many frustrating days when I've worked my ass off on something only to get a minimal response. 

The general slowness of the forums lately has been one of the reasons why I haven't been eager to resume my stories.  I worry about spending literally four, five or six hours on a single chapter if I'm only going to get three or four replies.

Unfortunately, I don't know what the solution is.  The last year has really been a "golden age" for photonovels, with many wonderful and talented people getting into the act.  There are some really amazing stories being made out there and, at least for a while, there seemed to be the audience to go along with them.  It's why RS eventually created its own forum (following in JD's footsteps, which made the sub-forum here.)

i've tried to be a cheerleader for photonovels for a while now (though admittedly I've been lacking in at least the past few months) and I just wish there was more interest, more discussion and a greater awareness and appreciation of the art form from these forums.

A story as cool as this deserves 50 or a 100 comments, not just five or six.  Like I said, I don't have any answers, but it frustrates me to no end to see our uber-talented photonovelists get so little love from the general public.

« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 03:55 AM by Quazar »
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