Author Topic: Star Wars Bloopers  (Read 3951 times)

Offline Flacksguy

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Star Wars Bloopers
« on: December 29, 2006, 12:07 AM »

Well, I thought since the contest is coming up, I'd go ahead and post this over here. It's a little something I did back in January over at RS, and hopefully I'll get a chance to enter it in the contest in the comedy catagory.

It's the lost Bloopers from SW.   ;)

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2006, 12:08 AM »


STAR WARS BLOOPERS




 EPISODE IV-----A NEW HOPE







 "Your Father's Lightsaber"







 

 Ben   :   Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it...
He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did....
 Luke  :   What is it?




 

 Ben  :   Your father's Lightsaber...This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight...not as clumsy or random as a blaster...
turn it on....press this button here....
 Luke  :   I did, it's not working....
 Ben  :   No this one here....
 Luke  :   That's what I pressed...I think the batteries are dead
 Ben   :   Let me see that thing....
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!!




 

Ben  :   Hey George, your buddy Han Solo has been screwing around with this stuff hasn't he??
 George Lucas  :   I'll take care of it Ben.
 Ben  :   Tell him to keep away from my props George!
 George Lucas  :   I'll talk to him.
 Ben  :  ......He's got barbeque sauce all over it....








 Slaughter of the Jawas





 

 Ben  :   ...and these blast points, too accurate for Sand People...
......only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise....





 

 Ben  :   Ha Ha Ha Ha...did I just say Imperial Stormtroopers are precise?
 Luke  :   Heh Heh, yeah that was a good one!
 Ben  :   Maybe the line should be "only Imperial Stormtroopers could be such lousy shots"








 The Cantina---Introduction to Han Solo







 

 Lego Han  :   Han Solo...I'm captain of the Millenium Falcon...
Chewie here tells me you're looking for a passage to the Alderaan system...
 Lego Ben  :   Yes, indeed...if it's a fast ship...




 

 Lego Han  :   Fast ship?
You've never heard of the Millenium Falcon?
 Lego Ben  :   Should I have?



 

 Han  :   O.K.  O.K.  Let's get the STAND INS out of here so we can do our scene!
 Luke  :   awwww, Look how cute they are!





 

 Lego Luke  :   Up Yours, Big Shot!!!
 Lego Han  :   Stupid actors...think they're so big...







 Death Star Meeting Room





 

 Admiral Motti  :   This station is now the ultimate power in the universe, I suggest we use it.





 

 Darth Vader  :   Don't be so proud of this technological terror you've constructed,
the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.





 

 Motti  :   Don't try to frighten us with your sorcerer's ways Lord Vader. Your sad devotion
to that ancient religion hasn't helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes...
or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebel's hidden fortress.




 

 Darth Vader  :   I find your lack of faith disturbing....




 

 Other Officer  :   >Choke<  >gak<
 Motti  :   huh?.........
HA HA HA you missed me Vader! You got HIM instead!
HA HA HA HA HA!!!







 Han confronts Jabba The Hutt






 

  Jabba  :   (in Huttese) Han,
what if everyone who smuggled for me dropped their shipment
 at the first sign of an imperial starship?
It's not good business....
 Han  :   Look Jabba, even I get boarded sometimes
(moves behind Jabba)




 

 Han  :   whoop





 

 George Lucas  :   Whoa, you gotta watch that tail Han...Step on that thing if you have to.....
...and Boba, remember, DON"T LOOK RIGHT IN THE CAMERA!!!!
 Boba Fett  :   as you wish....





 Docking Bay 94






Luke and Obi-Wan enter hanger





 

 Luke   :   What a piece of junk!!!!!






 

 Han  :   She'll make .5 past light speed,
she may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts...
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!!
Cute very cute Han....alright let's get that thing off the set....





 

 Chewbacca  :   Rarrrh
 Han  :   Come on down Chewie, he didn't think it was funny...







 Swing to Freedom









 
 
 George Lucas  :   O.K. Leia you plant a kiss on Luke, and then Luke-you say your line, got it? O.K.
ACTION!!!!
(Leia kisses Luke)
 Luke  :   What's that for?
 Leia  :   For Luck.




 

(swing)






 

>SNAP<
 Luke & Leia  :   YAAAAAAAHHHHHH



.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2006, 12:09 AM »


STAR WARS BLOOPERS





 Episode V--The Empire Strikes Back







 The Wampa's Cave







 

 George Lucas  :   O.K. Luke, you're startled awake by the sound of a roar,
you see yourself trapped. You look for your lightsaber,
you see it on the ground...
now you try to use the Force to get it...
Good...good..O.K. let's have the Wampa come in...
...CUE THE WAMPA...





 

RRRRAAAAHHH!!!!!
(laughter in background)
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!
very funny...very funny...you guys are real comedians..
O.K. lets set up again...





 

 George Lucas  :   ACTION! Alright Luke...spot your lightsaber...try to use the Force...
good...
O.K. Let's have that Wampa...





 

RRRAAWWWWHHH!!!!!
(more laughter in background)
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!!
O.K. guys, playtime's over.
COME ON-WE'RE LOSING LIGHT HERE PEOPLE!!!









 Instructions for Luke






 

 George Lucas  :   O.K. Luke, the line is "just hang on" got it?
 Luke  :   Just hang in?
 George Lucas  :   No..."Just hang ON"
I want you to practice that line, you're going to be saying it ALOT in this movie
 Luke  :   "Just hang ON".....got it
 George Lucas  :   ...good ....good...
...just one more thing...
...could you say it FASTER and MORE INTENSE???







 Luke brings down an AT-AT






 

 George Lucas  :   O.K. Luke, you run along side the walker, now get out your grappling gun...





 

 George Lucas  :   ....get underneath, look up at the bottom of the walker and find a spot to....





 

 George Lucas  :   ...oooh, that's gotta hurt
CUT!!!  Luke, are you alright buddy, ya gotta watch where you're running.
Alright, get him out of there and let's take it again....









 Yoda's Hut





 

 Luke  :   Master Yoda, I'm not afraid.





 

 Yoda  :   ...hmmmm......yes.....
.........
...forgot my line, I did......
...........

 George Lucas  :   It's "you will be", Yoda, just "you will be"









 Hunt for the Millenium Falcon





 

 George Lucas  :   O.K., Let's have the rest of the Bounty Hunters in here....
 Boba Fett  :   yeah, come on Zuck-A$$, heh heh heh
 Bossk  :   Move your Zuck-A$$, ha ha ha, ya bug eyed FREAK!
 George Lucas  :   Will you guys stop making fun of him please.





 

 Dengar  :   Wait, I thought the Droid was Zuck-A$$
 Boba Fett  :   Nah, the bug-eyed freak is Zuck-A$$..Oh wait, they're both BUG-EYED FREAKS!
 Fett & Bossk  :   HA HA HA HA HA
 George Lucas  :   Enough!! Stop making fun of Zuck-A$$..I mean, Zuckuss.








 Taken Control of the City





 

 Lando  :   Attention, this is Lando Calrissian, attention...the Empire's taken control of the city.
I'd advise everyone to leave before more imperial troops arrive.





 

 Lando  :   ...this way.





 

>CRASH<





 

 Ice Cream Maker Guy  :   uh...Sorry Mr. Lando
 George Lucas  :   Holy crap Willrow,
you need a smaller Ice Cream Maker!



.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2006, 12:11 AM »


STAR WARS BLOOPERS





 Episode VI--Return of the Jedi






 Yoda's Twilight





 

 Yoda  :   ...only one thing remains.....
......yes, only one thing.......
.....but I can't think of what it is.....
...................





 

 Luke  :   Ha Ha Ha,
You're having alot of trouble with those lines, huh Yoda?
Maybe we should write them on your blanket.
 Yoda  :   Not funny, that was.





 Luke Surrenders






 

 Darth Vader  :   The Emperor will show you the true nature of the Force.
He is your daddy now.....
..................
.................
.................
...did I just say " he is your daddy"?
 Luke  :   Ha Ha Ha, yeah, I thought YOU were my daddy.






 Emperor's Throne Room





 

 Emperor  :   It was I who allowed the alliance to know the location
of the shield generator.
It is quite safe from your pitiful little band.
An entire LEGION of my best troops await them.
 Luke  :   Ha Ha Ha Ha, those are your best troops down there???
The ones getting beaten up by teddy bears???






 Ewok's Attack





 

>SNAP<
 Scout Trooper  :   What's that noise?




EEYYAAAHH!!!!!!









 


 Scout Trooper  :   arrgh...
(Background Laughter)
 George Lucas  :   O.K. very funny guys.
Where are the Ewoks?
 Han Solo  :   You should just leave the Care Bears,
it looks just as believable.






 Taking the Bunker





 

 George Lucas  :   Alrighty, you imperial troops come rushing in
and capture the rebels.
Now remember the line is "You rebel SLIME"
O.K.....ACTION!





 

 Imperial Officer  :   YOU REBEL SCUM!!!!
 George Lucas  :   hmmmm...
......rebel scum...
......I like that.





.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2006, 12:12 AM »



STAR WARS BLOOPERS




 Episode I--The Phantom Menace






 Negotiations





 

 Rune Haako  :   Have you ever encountered a Jedi Knight before sir?
 Nute Gunray  :   well....no...
 Rune Haako  :   We will not survive this...





 

 Nute Gunray  :   ugh...I'm sorry but..ugh...
we have to stop for a minute...
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!
Oh come on, not AGAIN!!!
 Nute Gunray  :   I can't help it,
I have irriatable bowel syndrome, and this is a stressful scene...
I'll be quick this time, I PROMISE!!!





 Invasion of Naboo






 

 Qui-Gonn  : GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!
 Jar Jar  :   YAHHH!!!!





 

 Qui-Gonn  :   You're kidding, right George?
This is the "Gungan" that's supposed to follow us around
the whole movie?
 George Lucas  :   Yes, that's him.
 Jar Jar  :   Meesa called Jar Jar Binks.
Meesa is pleezed to meet you.
 Qui-Gonn  :   George, I'm warning you now...
people are going to HATE this guy.






 Anakin Meets Padme'





 

 Anakin  :   Are you an Angel?
 Padme'  :   What?
 Anakin  :   An Angel-I heard the deep space pilots
talk about them. They're the most beautiful creatures
in the universe....





 

 Padme'  :   ugh..are you for REAL with this kid???
I thought you guys said he could ACT!!!
 George Lucas  :   Padme' please...the lines.
 Padme' :   Yeah, the lines...HE CAN"T SAY THEM!!!






 Always Two





 

 Mace   :   There's no doubt,
the mysterious warrior was a Sith.
 Yoda  :   mmmm.........



 

 Mace  :  ......uhh......you missed your line again Yoda
 Yoda  :  ...yes I did, didn't I ?
Bah, 800 years old, am I.
Miss the occasional line, I will.



.

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2006, 12:13 AM »

STAR WARS BLOOPERS




 Episode II---Attack of the Clones






 Chancellor's Meeting




 George Lucas  :   O.K. Padme'
you enter the Chancellor's office after your assassination attempt,
and everyone is happy to see you....
ACTION!!!!


 

 Yoda  :   Senator Amidala,
your tragedy on the landing platform...terrible...
seeing you brings warm feelings....
................
...deep down inside....
................
 Padme'  :   EWWWW...you dirty little TROLL!!!!!
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!! What's the problem???




 

 Padme'  :   Did you hear what that pervert said???
...warm feelings deep down inside...GROSS!!!!!
 George Lucas  :   Settle down Padme'





 Padme's Chambers




 

 Padme'  :   ANI...My goodness you've grown!
 Anankin  :   So have you...grown more beautiful I mean....
Well...for a senator I mean...
 Padme'  :   Ani, you'll always be that little boy
I knew on Tatooine.




 

 Obi-Wan  :   Ha Ha Ha, "...little boy I knew on Tatooine..."
 that's just what every guy wants to hear
 Anakin  :   Yeah, heh, maybe we could "just be friends"






 Dex's Diner




 

 WA-7  :   Whattaya have, Hon?
 Obi-Wan  :   hmmmm...let's see here....
how about.....Order 66.




 

 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!
uhhh, sorry Obi-Wan....you can't get that...
 Obi-Wan  :   Why not? It sounds good.
 George Lucas  :   You just CAN"T







 Forbidden Love




 

 Anakin  :   Not a day goes by that I haven't thought of you....
and now that I'm with you again...
I'm in AGONY...the closer I get to you,
the worse it gets....
The thought of not being with you.....
I can't BREATHE....
I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me...
my heart is beating...hoping that that kiss will not become a scar....
YOU ARE IN MY VERY SOUL....TORMENTING ME....





 

 Padme'  :  Good Grief, who the heck writes this crap?
You sound like a stalker!!!
 
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!!! >sigh<






 Asteriod Chase




 

 Boba  :   GET HIM DAD, GET HIM...FIRE!!!!




 

 Jango  :   SHUT IT, WILL YA!!!!!
Damn, George, where do you find these kids????
 George Lucas  :  >sigh< Jango, could you be nice to the kid...
...Please?
Everybody, could we all just be NICE to the KIDS????





 Separatist War Room




 

 Poggle  :   If the Jedi find out what we're planning to build, we're doomed!!
 Dooku  :   I'll take the designs with me to Coruscant...




 

 Dooku  :   WHOA, this thing is acting up again!
PROPS. DEPT.!!!!




 

 Dooku  :   What?
......
Don't look at me like that Poggle.
I should kick you RIGHT IN THE A** !!!!
..............
.....a thousand friggin' Battle Droids and you can't kill
a 20 year old woman....





.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2006, 12:15 AM by Flacksguy »

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #6 on: December 29, 2006, 12:14 AM »


STAR WARS BLOOPERS




 Episode III---Revenge of the Sith







 Rescuing the Chancellor




 

 Anakin  :   My powers have doubled since we last met Count.
 Dooku  :   Good...twice the fall, double the...
...no wait....
....Double the flavor..
....D'OH








 Confronting General Grevious





 

 Grevious  :   Anakin Skywalker...
I was expecting someone with your reputation to be a little...
OLDER...




 

 Anakin  :   General Grevious....
Aren't you a little SHORT for a STORMTROOPER?
 Obi-Wan  :   Ha Ha Ha, Good one Anakin.
 George Lucas  :   CUT!!!!






 Padme's Apartment




 

 Padme'  :   What is it?
 Anakin  :   Nothing...
 Padme'  :   Don't do this, don't shut me out...
let me help you....
...hold me....like you did by the lake on Naboo....
...so long ago, when...




 

 Padme'  :   ugh...you really want me to say this garbage?
I swear Lucas,
I think you write these lines just to make me look foolish!!!






 Search for Kenobi




 

 Commander Cody  :   Did you find Kenobi?
 Beehive Clone  :   Sir, no one could have survived that fall...
 Commander Cody  :   I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF ANYONE COULD SURVIVE THAT FALL, DID I????







 Mustafar----Padme's Plea




 

 Anakin  :   The Jedi have turned agaisnt me...
don't YOU turn agaisnt me.....
 Padme'  :   I don't know you anymore.....
.....Anakin.......
......you're breaking my heart.......
.....you're going down a path I can't follow......




 

 Padme'  :   GRRRR...DAMN YOU LUCAS!!!!!
 George Lucas  :   Padme' please, we're almost done with each other.








 Battle of the Heroes




 

 Anakin  :   ....if you're not with me....
....then you're MY ENEMY!!!!
 Obi-Wan  :   Only a sith deals in absolutes....
.....I will do what I must.....
 Anakin  :   ....you will TRY....




 

 Yoda  :   I hear a new apprentice you have Emperor,
or should I call you "Darth Sideous?"
 Palpatine  :   Master Yoda.....You Survived!




 

 Palpatine  :   HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU KIDS
NOT TO PLAY ON THE SET?????
GET OUTTA HERE YA LITTLE BRATS!!!!!







 Darth Vader Awakens




 George Lucas  :   O.K. Raise the table slowly...




 


 George Lucas  :   ...that's it, keep it going....




 


 George Lucas  :   ...little higher.....




 

(slides off table)   >CRASH<

 George Lucas  :   whoops....CUT!!!!
...are you alright there Vader???
heh heh...that's not funny guys....heh heh
...ALRIGHT, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO STRAP HIM DOWN?????

( Turns to Rick McCallum)-Quietly says:

heh heh heh....any way we could make that happen to Padme'?

 Rick McCallum  :   Ha Ha Ha...yeah...we could make her slide off the funeral cart...

 George  :   Perfect...but make it look like an accident...

 Rick   :   of course...






THE END.

Offline Deanna Rash

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2006, 01:58 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D That was cool! 8)ROFL
The ablity to speak does not make you intelligent - now get out of here!

Offline Darth Depressis

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2006, 06:08 PM »
awesome thread and great writing....best laugh i've had around here ever, well atleast best laugh i've had at something that was supposed to be funny.

can't wait for more, you really need to point out natalie murdering the word "Sith".

Offline David

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #9 on: January 1, 2007, 09:56 PM »
lol very funny. padme and jango's bloopers had to be the funniest. good job!  ;D
David Delgado
Owner
EchoBaseNews.com
Keeping Star Wars Cool Since 2008!

Offline Flacksguy

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #10 on: January 5, 2007, 06:59 PM »

Thanks alot for checking it out Deanna Rash, Darth Depressis, and Robo-Quack
Appreciate the comments.

Offline Artoo

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #11 on: January 11, 2007, 11:52 PM »
Nice to see you post your old comedy PNs here! Post the rest!
KAY-BEE STANDARD RESPONSE:  "All we have is 1990's 'Robocop' toys."
WHICH MEANS:  "Holy ******* ****, please shoot m

Offline Darth Depressis

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #12 on: January 15, 2007, 10:29 PM »
heres an Ep8 blooper for you and it's non-dairy!


Offline jedipurge

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2007, 12:14 PM »
Nice to see you post your old comedy PNs here! Post the rest!

There's more?  That was really great stuff, funny as hell.  Post more or where else is your other stuff?  Laughed out loud, even though I'm at work, when Solo tips over Jabba's tail and when Vader falls off the table.  Those were the best.  Keep it up.
Harmless is the most dangerous of perceptions, you never expect it to strike.-Purge

Offline Darth Depressis

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Re: Star Wars Bloopers
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2007, 05:57 PM »


Is there a problem, officers?