All right, this has been up awhile, but I've been holding off on commenting...mostly because with all the work CHEWIE puts into these, I feel he deserves an in-depth response...but I haven't had time until now.
Panel 1: Opening crawl. Another effective description to bring the reader up to date. I wonder though, how this would look if you really went for the gusto and engaged in the hyperbole of the old movie serials? Still, hyperbole or no, this is well-written, intelligent and does the job...much better than ROTS' retarded crawl. (Heroes on both sides indeed...)
Panel 2: Opening with Alyssa was a nice touch, and reminds us of the human element of this story. She looks awesome in that robe, but the bedroom looks a little too dark and kind of like a dungeon. It matches the mood here, but I might have felt more compelled if it contrasted what we're about to see in Rykrof's ordeal.
Panel 3: A stalwart effort, but I still don't think this pic works. Alyssa looks like a broken doll, and the whole thing, to me at least, is kind of creepy.
Panel 4: Nice transition shot of Dathomir. The lighting seems much improved over last chapter as you seem to get more comfortable with the "sfx" shots. Would have liked to see a few more Trade Federation ships though, and maybe THE INVISIBLE HAND. (Unless Greivous has left the system by this point, which, come to think of it, I imagine he has.)
Panel 5: An ambitious shot that comes off well. Really creepy and unsettling, and gives us a great sense of the danger that Rykrof has been dealing with.
Panel 6: Run, runner! I like this a lot. It's dark, forbidding, and has a good sense of motion to it. The shadows from the trees above are a nice touch.
Panel 7: A nice shot of the Rancor closing in. The clone looks a little awkward...I imagine he was hard to pose in an effective running position that looked good from the side. I am glad to see this was shot against the diorama... an SFX shot would have looked out of place here.
Panel 8: Great ROTJ style shot...reminiscent of the Rancor closing in on Luke. I like the added saliva.
Panel 9: Poor clone. I feel bad for the Rancor when he has to pass that armor though. Great shot. The only thing that would have made it more effective would be spurting blood...but that would be a bit much for a Star Wars tale.
Panel 10: An SFX shot that really works. One of my favorite, and a good transition to what comes next.
Panel 11: At last we see Asajj! I like that you shot her in such a way that her hand looks like it's pointing rather than made to hold a lightsaber. The foliage here looks great, as does the battle-worn clone and the pool. Very cool!
Panel 12: The clone looks a little awkwardly posed, but in the context of the story, it makes sense that he can barely hold himself up. Great shadowing here.
Panel 13: Another nice piece where the elements come together perfectly. I like that Asajj is lit here to make her the focal point.
Panel 14: Well done. Shadowing's good and it's a nice counterpoint to the earlier shot that was framed much the same. I like the choking bit, very keen.
Panel 15:This is a great shot. The clone looks really natural the way you submerged him, and the water effects here are amazing. I like that it's foamy...makes you wonder what gunk is churning in it.
Panel 16: Nailed the hologram! Very well done.
Panel 17: Effective establishing shot.
Panel 18: Love the hallway. Love the custom Sora Bulq. Hate, hate, HATE the photo manipulation on Count Dooku. He looks like he's got downs syndrome. Sorry, but I just do not like it, especially considering the ROTS Dooku has such an excellent sculpt. It seems unnecessary. Honestly, I'd stick to just manipulating their mouths when appropriate.
Panel 19: Count "Corky" Dooku again. Honestly, this really took me out of the story. Sorry. Also, I don't feel Dooku sounds as authentic as he has in past chapters, but maybe that's because here, he's playing the role of Darth Exposition, and that's always tough to pull off.
Panel 20: "I see" and "And so it is" seems awkward to me. Still, I love that you remind us here of the sub-plot on Rhen Var.
Panel 21: GREAT effects shot. The reflection is amazing! The one thing I would have liked to have seen here though, was Asajj with her hood up. Seems like she'd be wearing a full cloak on Dathomir.
Panel 22: An inspired transition to bring Rykrof in and a great FX shot.
Panel 23: Great job on weathering these guys...they really look like hell. I like Rykrof's beard stubble. Again, glad to see the diorama in place and not a CG background. Is that part of a "Day the Earth Stood Still" diorama sticking up in there?
Panel 24: A zoom in shot, but it really shows the great weathering on these cats. I like TK-42...maybe Rykrof can give him a name as this storyline wears on. I like the missing gloves, and would like to see more armor damage as the story winds on, like maybe straps wearing away on the armor and they have to lash parts of it to their bodies to make it stay on.
Panel 25: Hup, hup, hup! Great "double-time" sequence. The reflection in the water is an amazing touch.
Panel 26: Isla Sorna! That's what this reminds me of. Great shot.
Panel 27: Good shot, but the three are grouped too closely. It doesn't come off that they're moving up on the defensive. Would have liked to see some military style formation here.
Panel 28: A nice moody shot, but they should really have their weapons in the ready position. I like the mess on the floor. What playset is that?
Panel 29: Good lighting here. Gives a sense of forboding.
Panel 30: This is a really nice relief effect, and I like that you remind us of what has gone before...makes Rykrof seem real.
Panel 31-32: Again, these soldiers don't appear to be ready to fire on a possible threat, and are moving too closely together. One burst could take them all out. I know your tired, soldiers, but remember your training!
Panel 33-38: Nothing too dynamic here photo-wise, but effective shots to showcase a discussion and highlight the human (and Mon Calamarian) emotions. Nicely done. Also, Y-Wing engines are just lying willy-nilly about the universe. I like it though, it's a convincing "thingie" for the backgrounds.
Panel 39: This effect shot didn't come off to well...it looks very flat. You can tell the elements don't occupy the same space.
Panel 40: Awsome shot! Very well done, and Coeli's AT-TE looks great!
Panel 41: Another nice shot. What planet is that supposed to be? This is a shot that's really blended well. I like the two battle droids that look like they're conversing in the foreground.
Panel 42-43: Looking good. I really like Freelo. I think Rykrof trusted him a little to soon... some more questioning might have been in order... but he's a cool character and a great custom.
Panel 44: GREAT shot! This one gives me the willies, and although I've seen who that character is before, I like that you kept her in the distance for the story. Very well done, and the best shot of Dathomir yet.
One could say that not a lot happened in this chapter to advance the overall plotline, but as this is still very much the first part of a multi-part arc, I'd say it advanced the story nicely, touched on existing plotlines, and gave us a lot to look forward to. Most importantly, I think, it built up some tension about just how in trouble Rykrof might be. The new threat at the end is very chilling, and it seems there is much more story to be told here on Dathmir. I hope it doesn't unfold TOO quickly, as I think this particular thread has a lot of potential to advance Rykrof as a character.
Overall ,my comments might seen more critical than positive, but don't be fooled...I really liked this chapter. There's a good sense of desperation here, and Rykrof's melancholy is bulding with each chapter. I can't wait to see what troubles avail him next. I just hammer a little on the things I think could have been better so that when you do the next installment, I'll REALLY be blown away. So far, you haven't disappointed.