(also posted on YF)
I have been following your stories for a while now (though I don't always get a chance to comment.)
You have a very unique visual style which is quite striking but this chapter is by far the most impressive looking one you've done.
I have absolutely no clue how you generate your backdrops and images but i think they look great and you've done a better job this time around intergrating the action figures with the backgrounds and CGI characters.
It really does look terrific. I love the "Star Wars" DVD logo, the chapter heading, the crawl in the beginning. Very, very well done! I also really llike the action sequences quite a bit, they're a lot of fun and look cool.
Very nice customs, as well with the following nitpicks. Luke's hair seems a bit too poofy. I think you should have just painted in the white like Leia and Han.
And I am not crazy about the Marvel Legends electra body, only because characters with that much skin showing never look good with super articulation. The joints are a bit unattractive to look at, but that's certainly not your fault.
However, as much as I truly commend you for your visuals, I must admit that I often find your stories a little too densely plotted.
I don't know much about the post ROTJ EU, but you have so many different characters with some many complicated motivations and goals and so much history that it is difficult to sort through it all.
I read the first half of the updated chapter and then started to skim and skip a little, as I was feeling a bit lost. Certain scenes work very well and are enjoyable, but I do tend to get confused and lose the thrust of the story.
You also have TONS and TONS of very heavy dialogue. Again, it just makes it hard to keep track of everything and everyone and slows down the reading.
I think you should separate the updates as you post them to keep the new material separate from the old.
I also think (and I don't want to sound too harsh) that you need to re-think your storytelling a bit and try to streamline your photonovels.
Look at the Original Trilogy, for example. The storytelling is very straightforward - the characters are basic types, we know who the bad guys and good guys are at all times and it's more about adventure and action than about complex plotting or motivations.
Take a look at your opening crawl, for instance, then compare it to the one in the original "Star Wars". You have so many more things to keep track of, so many more characters and factions and plots and it's almost work to try to keep up with all of it.
I know you want to build on the history of the EU and you are clearly filled with many, many cool ideas of your own, but I think you need to simplify things a little bit.
I don't want to speak for anyone, but I have noticed in the past that your stories don't often get much feedback, which I think is a shame. I have been very vocal about trying to get more feedback for all photonovels because they are great fun and are labors of love by those who make them.
Clearly you have put an enormous amount of effort into your work and it shows. But, at least speaking for myself, in the past I've often felt a little reluctant to post because I haven't been able to really get into and follow the stories as much as I'd like to.
So, often all I really can do is compliment you on your amazing visuals, I don't have much else to offer in terms of feedback much of the time. And maybe that's why, sadly, your stories don't get a great deal of feedback. But I'm just speculating.
At the end of the day, I am very glad that you have been making these stories for as long as you have. The visuals keep getting better and better and, if nothing else, I can enjoy them on that level.
But I wish I follow the stories more easily.
Just my two cents on the matter. Again, I hope this wasn't too blunt, but that's what I've been feeling about your stories for a while.
On a smaller note, I did notice many spelling errors and typos in the dialogue and in the crawl. I would recommend writing them first in Word to spot any spelling issues then writing them up in your graphics program. Just a thought....