So now for my spoiler-filled review of New Trek 2:SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
First of all, I had just about the worst possible viewing experience you could imagine. This was a free viewing, and I arrived about an hour early, and almost every seat was already taken. I ended up in the 2nd row center. I couldn't even get the entire screen in my field of vision. Plus it was a 3D screening, and 3D doesn't work well for me. Most everything is blurry. On top of that, the projector was jacked up. Out of alignment. Even during the previews there was a cyan band at the bottom of every white area, and a magenta band across the top of every white area. I'm not sure if it's a multi-bulb projector like some home theaters and it was out-of-whack or what. But in any case, it was awful.
Because I could barely make out any of the eye candy, it freed me to focus on the plot. And the plot was so... illogical... that I can't help but complain. My chief beefs:
- So the way to realign a warp core is to kick it. Repeatedly. At any random angle. All I could think was of those idiots who beat on their computer monitor when it's not running.
- Trek transporters are absolute **** when it serves the plot. "We can't track the people to beam them aboard because they're moving too fast! But we can beam you 2 feet away from them on the same moving platform because that's easy!" Who cares about the inertia when you go from standing still to landing on a rocket... "We need a direct line of site to beam him out of the volcano... because the cloud of soot above an erupting volcano is so easy to see through!" "The transporter can't distinguish between Bones or the torpedo... but would have no problem distinguishing between the torpedo and the hot blonde doctor with her arm in the other side of the missile."
- Old Spock was a complete betrayal of the character. Why the hell would a Vulcan take a sacred vow not to reveal anything that could impact New Spock's "destiny"? How is that in any way logical? How does that weigh against the countless lives he could save? The good of the many, anybody? And destiny would be a ridiculous concept to a Vulcan in the first place.
- Evil Admiral sends Kirk to the border of Klingon space with the intent to kill him... with a military ship on Jupiter that ISN'T EVEN FINISHED YET? But luckily the welders finished whatever patches they needed to complete before the Enterprise warp core could be repaired...
- This one really bugged me... So you have 72 torpedoes with cryo-frozen prisoners inside them. Torpedoes that we already know require the skilled hands of a doctor to open. But in the span of a few minutes the crew of the Enterprise is able to open all 72, unload all 72 frozen bodies, close them, and arm them.
- Bones needs Khan's blood to revive Kirk - so he must be taken alive! But what about the 72 other supermen you have on board the ship... including the one you JUST UNFROZE so you could use his tube to preserve Kirk?
- New Bones was a really hammy parody of Bones. So much so it made me cringe. Dude plays him earnestly, but the way he's written is just ghastly.
- I also really don't like New Spock. Old Spock was awesome. He was cool because he was kind of this bemused observer of all the chaos around him. He was a rock. New Spock is just so emotionally tortured half the time that when he does act "logical" it just seems out of place.
- EXTREME CLOSE-UPS. Maybe it was aggravated by me sitting so close, but I could count the nose hairs any time any two characters were having a conversation.
- Sulu had all of 6 lines. Chekov had more to do, but he's such a frail, flustered character that he's hard to stomach.
- Khan the super-genius felt the safest place to hide the 72 people in the universe he cared for was INSIDE explosives. Which he was able to pull off without being detected despite being a felon working on a secret military project. I suppose they built the cryo-prison next door to the missile factory. There was probably an underground tunnel involved. But then the evil admiral had to know the frozen people were inside... which begs the question why Khan would agree to build the torpedoes in the first place. Unless the admiral just happened to choose to arm the Enterprise with the very missiles Khan designed... maybe he thought it'd be ironic to kill Khan with them. I remember Khan talking about why he did it but don't recall the specifics... maybe it did make sense. I kind of doubt it, though.
- And of course... the guy who runs the military was an evil, warmongering traitor...
I could list a ton more, but I'd be nitpicking. I'll stop at my huge complaints.
There were things I liked. Khan was excellent. I liked the idea of tricking Khan into transporting a bomb onto his own ship. There were a few funny lines. Simon Pegg was awesome. There were thrills. I probably would have enjoyed the action if I was able to see it better.
But in the end it was big and loud and just too dumb. That's fine for Independence Day or Fast & Furious... but it's quite a few notches below what I expect from Trek.