MIAMI (SP) -- Shortly after leading the Florida Gators to a national
championship with a 24-14 win over Oklahoma, junior quarterback Tim
Tebow announced that he would skip his senior season and ascend
directly into heaven.
Tebow entered the press room to wild applause. A reporter for a 24-
hour cable sports network burst into tears when the 2007 Heisman
winner entered the room. Another threw a pair of boxer shorts on the
podium. Tebow smiled at the gesture and several sports reporters
"Sorry I'm late," Tebow began. "There was a six-year-old boy with
cancer in row 54 and I had to make my way through the crowd to heal
him.""I want to start by saying that playing quarterback for the University of Florida, winning two national championships, has been a great honor. There has been some speculation about my future and I want to clear that up right now," he continued."Don't go, Tim!" a reporter shouted from the back of the room."After much consideration, I have decided to skip my senior season at the University of Florida and ascend directly into Heaven," Tebow announced. Upon making the announcement, Tebow was bathed in a blinding white light and vanished.In response to the news, ESPN announced they will have a month-long tribute to Tebow. ESPN2 will now be known as ESPN-TEBOW and will feature Tebow highlights (including home videos of Tebow's childhood), re-airings of past interviews, Tebow-centric analysis by ESPN air personalities, a Tebow quiz show and a reality show to find the "most Tebow-like" person in America."He wasn't just the greatest player in college football history," said a college football writer at the press conference, tears streaming down his face. "He might have been the greatest person to ever walk on earth."
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