Author Topic: Man pleasures himself in Walmart toy aisle; befouls a Hasbro lightsaber.  (Read 1035 times)

Offline Matt

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Cleanup In Aisle Three

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SEPTEMBER 15--What kind of a guy goes into Walmart, takes a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue from the magazine rack, heads to the store’s toy section, and proceeds to masturbate to completion in the aisle?

Meet William Tyler Black.

The 28-year-old Floridian, a substitute teacher, was arrested yesterday afternoon by Sarasota cops on battery and exposure of sexual organs charges, according to a probable cause affidavit, a copy of which you’ll find here.

A store employee told cops that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” Employees reported that Black “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store.”

A police source told TSG that the toy in question was a light saber (apparently of the Star Wars variety), and that the magazine Black used was the 2010 SI swimsuit issue with model Brooklyn Decker on its cover. Though published in February, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue can still be found on sale months later at many retailers.

When cops confronted Black, pictured in the above mug shot, he said he was in the store “shopping for a toy for his daughter.” He was hit with the battery on a child count since investigators concluded that a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store.”

Offline iFett

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Um...ya - that's pretty ******* gross, but it is WM so I'm sure that happens all the time there.
Learn new skills at home that some consider to be.....unnatural.  Easy repayment terms.  555-PLPTN

Offline Jesse James

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Time for a new warning sign avatar I guess.  Mind your step indeed though.
2011 Rebel Fleet Trooper Gets My Seal Of Approval!  But Where's The Friggin' Holster On Him!?
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Offline Matt

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Everybody knows that if you've got to rub one out at Walmart, the best place to do it is in the linens aisle.  Nobody ever goes down that one.  This guy's an amateur.

Offline Jesse James

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I like to go to arts and crafts and just say I broke some elmers I was looking at...  vigorously.
2011 Rebel Fleet Trooper Gets My Seal Of Approval!  But Where's The Friggin' Holster On Him!?
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Offline Matt

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Too many X-Acto knives in that aisle for my liking.

Offline JediMoses

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So was he charged with battery of his sexual organs?  Bada Bump.

Offline Matt_Fury

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Offline 501ST

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Disgusting....
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

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Offline Matt

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I just realized what this reminds me of:  Bill Murray smearing the ectoplasmic residue all over the books in the library at the beginning of Ghostbusters.

DAHHH!

Offline Jesse James

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Re: Man pleasures himself in Walmart toy aisle; befouls a Hasbro lightsaber.
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2010, 04:04 PM »
Hah!  :D

I don't recall the scene where Dr. Venkman ran his foot through it "checking it out" though.

To pull from GB2 though...  "Mood slime" indeed.
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Offline speedermike

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Re: Man pleasures himself in Walmart toy aisle; befouls a Hasbro lightsaber.
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2010, 09:59 PM »
Wow.  I could never do that in a Wal-Mart.

I'm more of a Target guy.
Children's Book Author and Illustrator   mikerexbooks.blogspot.com

Offline hansolo_506

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Don't curse in your signature.

-c.berry

Offline Jesse James

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Re: Man pleasures himself in Walmart toy aisle; befouls a Hasbro lightsaber.
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2010, 03:44 AM »
Wow.  I could never do that in a Wal-Mart.

I'm more of a Target guy.

Seems generally cleaner and the little target logos give you something to aim at...  am I right?
« Last Edit: September 17, 2010, 03:45 AM by Jesse James »
2011 Rebel Fleet Trooper Gets My Seal Of Approval!  But Where's The Friggin' Holster On Him!?
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Offline Matt

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Re: Man pleasures himself in Walmart toy aisle; befouls a Hasbro lightsaber.
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2010, 09:00 AM »
Is this the week for Star Wars related idiots??

http://www.freep.com/article/20100916/NEWS03/100916063/1320/Man-with-Darth-Vader-mask-held-in-robbery


I tell you what, you'd never see Hot Wheels collectors behaving this way, that's for sure.