Author Topic: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!  (Read 918 times)

Offline BigDumbWookiee

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Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« on: December 22, 2003, 09:24 PM »
So I get up with the family bright and early this morning, and head to Kroger (a grocery store chain for those who may not know). We weave through the crowds, scrounge for the stuff we need, and make our way to the checkout lane. Typical week before Christmas, the place is packed and lines are moving slow. But what is this I hear? Kroger is handing out free gifts? Well isn't that nice! I guess the wait in line wont be so bad, after all, we are getting a free gift just for taking our business to Kroger!

We continue to wait. It's a long line. Finally, we get to the conveyor and start unloading. They've run out of gifts! Oh no! We wont get one! The cashier starts to ring up our groceries. Ah, here comes an employee with a large box! It's more free gifts, and we'll be getting one! Wohoo! Free stuff!

Thank you for shopping at Kroger! As a way of wishing you Merry Christmas, we have a free gift for you. The cahsier reaches into the box. The tension builds. Seconds become hours. What could the free gift be? A gift certificate? Free food maybe? I could go for some doughnuts right about now. Maybe some soda? A Christmas ornament perhaps?

Finally, the moment arrives, and the cashier pulls the gift from the box.

It's.... IT'S....... OH MY GOD I CANT BELIEVE IT! IT'S..............

A ROLL OF FREAKING TOILET PAPER! Yes, you read that correctly. I nice shiny roll of cheap one ply toilet paper. The kind where you have to use half the roll just for an on-par cleaning. The kind cheaper than what you find in a backwater gas station.

Merry Christmas! Please think of Kroger each time you wipe your ass with this cheap toilet paper!
"Of all the things to worry about, the wookiee has no pants..."

Offline JediMAC

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2003, 09:34 PM »
One-ply?!?  God, that is a cheap gift Adam.  I totally understand your frustration there...   :-\

Should've been Otter Pops, or something more fun and seasonal like that!

Offline Diddly

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2003, 09:48 PM »
Dear God, you cannot be serious. I think they could at least give out some sort of free food sample, or a small box of something (Like candy). But toilet paper? Come on!

Offline JoshEEE

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2003, 11:48 PM »
Quote
Should've been Otter Pops, or something more fun and seasonal like that!

I don't know if you remember my otter pops thread over at RS, but I'm still working on that case I bought earlier this year. I think I have over 100 to go.  :)
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Offline BigDumbWookiee

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #4 on: December 23, 2003, 12:13 AM »
I would have **** if they gave me Otter Pops. God how I love Otter Pops! Otter Pops might just be the best damn food on the planet. Next to parfaits ;)
"Of all the things to worry about, the wookiee has no pants..."

Offline inadvertent imitation

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #5 on: December 23, 2003, 01:34 AM »
I'd have taken the roll and TP'd the place. I mean, come on, they're just asking for it with a stunt like that.
don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk

Offline Jesse James

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2003, 08:42 AM »
Kroeger Wishes to bring a little extra fun and happiness to its valued customers for the holidays.

May your holidays be bright and warm, spent with the best of friends and the most cherished family...

And may your ass sparkle with this free gift from us here at Kroeger, to you and yours.  

Happy Holidays,

Kroeger Family


Marketing genius...  I'm writing a paper on this next semester.
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Offline Morgbug

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2003, 10:14 AM »
Isn't Kroger's head office in Cincinnati?  I believe it is.  

As I foolishly contemplated walking to the U of C from downtown (wroooooooong neighbourhood to walk through) I passed the Kroger building and there was a strike going on.  Something about "Walmart-izing" the staff that worked for them.  Interesting.  
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Offline Darth Kenobi

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2003, 11:33 AM »
Isn't Kroger's head office in Cincinnati?  I believe it is.  

As I foolishly contemplated walking to the U of C from downtown (wroooooooong neighbourhood to walk through) I passed the Kroger building and there was a strike going on.  Something about "Walmart-izing" the staff that worked for them.  Interesting.  

Yeah Kroger, Albertson, and Safeway in California have had picket lines up since October 11 because of the comapnies attempt to cut the employees health care benefits, pensions, salary and some other stuff.  They say there have to do this to compete against Walmart who pay their employees lower wages and give them little to no benefits.   THe three companies have decided that this is the only way to stay competive but would throw tens of thousands of people into the hands of goverment assistant since alot of workers at supermarkets only work part time and only make $24,000 a year or so.  

As for the TP at least it wasn't rotting bannans which my store gived customers who decided to shop.    

Offline Angry Ewok

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2003, 12:22 PM »
I could understand seasonal napkins or paper towels or something... But plain old toilet paper as a Christmas 'thanks' is just sad.

I couldn't pass out rolls of one-ply saying "Thanks!" with a straight face.

Offline jadesfire

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Re: Merry Christmas, Enjoy a Free Gift!
« Reply #10 on: December 23, 2003, 01:15 PM »
Kroeger Wishes to bring a little extra fun and happiness to its valued customers for the holidays.

May your holidays be bright and warm, spent with the best of friends and the most cherished family...

And may your ass sparkle with this free gift from us here at Kroeger, to you and yours.  

Happy Holidays,

Kroeger Family


Marketing genius...  I'm writing a paper on this next semester.

*wipes tears from eyes*  I haven't laughed this hard in weeks...thanks  :D
Beth