Star Wars - Behind Camera
Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, C-3PO and R2-D2 step into Docking Bay 94 and see Captain Han Solo cleaning up a Corellian YT-1300 Crater, more specifically the Millennium Falcon, the ship that would save their lives time and again during the following years. At the sight of the ship, all Luke could say is...
Luke: What a piece of junk!
Han: JUNK?! Kid, this is the Millennium Falcon. She may not look like much but let me tell you something. Sheís the fastest ship in this entire galaxy! Sheíll make .5 pass lightspeed. And you call it a piece of junk?
Luke: Oh, Iím sorry! Iím sure she was beautiful in her youth. But Iím afraid itís about time she be put to sleep. You know, I didnít see many space ships at my time, but, ahh... yes, itís a piece of junk, trash, space junk!
Han: Why you little... Ah, but why am I wasting my time with you? You wouldnít know a good ship if it smacked you in the face.
Luke: Hey! Iíve piloted a lot of ships at my time!
Han: Yeah, and I bet the galactic traffic celebrates the fact that your piloting licenseís been revoked.
Luke: I bet I can out-pilot you, you victim of a ran away brain!
Han: Oh, please... You see that star over there?
Luke: What star?
Obi-Wan: What nonsense are you arguing about now?
Luke: Itís not nonsense!
Han: Yeah, Junior here thinks he can fly a ship. You put some sense into him, old man!
Obi-Wan: Luke, you canít fly a ship!
Obi-Wan: And you, my friend... your ship is a piece of junk!
Obi-Wan: OK! Is everyone happy? Can we go now?
Well, we all know what happens in the movies, but what happens behind the cameras remains a mystery... or does it? Letís see, shall we?
Here they are! Our three heroes finally having some peace and quiet after a hard dayís work...
George Lucas: Hamill! Fisher! Ford! In my trailer, NOW!
Harrison Ford: For peace sake! Canít a guy enjoy a few minutes with his friends around here?
Carrie Fisher: Now donít get angry, Harrison! Iím sure he has a good reason... this time.
Mark Hamill: If he doesnít, I have a good recipe for executive director stew.
C.F.: OK, guys! Calm down! Letís just go and see what the hell he wants.
M.H.: I wonder how heís gonna surprise us this time. Is he gonna make Chewbacca my mother?
H.F.: Oh, come on! He already made Vader your father. He canít be that cruel.
C.F.: I donít know about that. I mean... look at you!
H.F.: Whatís that supposed to mean? Weíre only supposed to fight in the movie... or are you enjoying that?
G.L.: There you are! Get in here!
Our heroes are now in G.L.ís trailer and are waiting to hear what he has to say.
H.F.: Itís gonna hit us hard. Weíd better sit down.
G.L.: Iím changing the script!
C.F.: What was wrong with the old script?
G.L.: It was too predictable. I ran out of ideas but last night it hit me.
H.F.: (to Mark and Carrie) Here we go!
M.H.: Yeah, and there arenít any seatbelts on this ride.
G.L.: OK! Ready? Iím making Leia Lukeís sister, and she ends up with Han.
C.F.: That went smoother than I expected.
M.H.: Wa-wait a second! Ainít I the hero in this story? You know... the one that ends up with the girl?
G.L.: Yes, exactly, thatís whatís predictable about it. The public would have guessed you end up with the girl from the beginning of the movie.
C.F.: So youíre changing it. Iíve got a bad feeling about this.
G.L.: So youíve noticed.
C.F.: Tell me one thing: all those arguments between Han and Leia are because they like each other? Oh, God!
H.F.: Cheer up, sweetheart! Now you have a real man at your side.
M.H.: Wait a minute! Youíre saying Iím not a real man?
H.F.: Not in this movie, kid!
M.H.: Great! Thereís one hot chick in the entire galaxy and surprise... sheís your sister!
Star Wars - Expanded Universe
Luke: Son, there comes a time in every boyís life when he has to make a decision on how heís futureís going to look like.
Ben: Oh, thatís not a problem, dad. I already know what Iím gonna be.
Luke: Oh, so you decided to become a Jedi already.
Ben: Ahh... no, dad. Iím gonna be a pilot just like uncle Han.
Luke: A pilot?! What do you wanna be a pilot for?
Ben: I like ships...
Luke: But I thought you liked the Jedi. Having a lightsaber, mesmerizing people and stuff like that...
Ben: No, dad. I like you being a Jedi. Itís pretty cool having a Jedi Master for a father. You know: popularity... You dig?
Luke: Why would I wanna dig?
Ben: No, dad. Itís an expression like ďcatch my driftĒ.
Ben: Never mind. Iím gonna take my X-wing out for a spin.
Luke: Wait a second! This conversation isnít over!
Ben walks out of the room where heíd just been talking whit his father and heads for the hall and then walks down the stairs. Luke follows him stopping at the top of the stairs.
Luke: Youíd better get this pilot nonsense out of your head!
Ben sees what his father is about to do and tries to warn him, but Luke is too upset to listen.
Ben: Ahh, dad...
Luke: No, Ben! Youíre becoming a Jedi Knight and thatís final. Iím putting my foot down!
And before you know it, Luke starts rolling down the stairs and stops at his sonís feet.
Ben: Wow, dad! When you put your foot down, you put your foot DOWN!
Luke comes into his apartment and Mara sees him holding his back. Sheís very concerned but sheís mostly wants to know what happened...
Mara: What happened?
Luke: I had a little talk with YOUR son.
Mara: MY son? OK, what did he do this time?
Luke: He wants to become a pilot.
Mara: And whatís wrong in that?
Luke: Well, I wanted him to become a Jedi.
Mara: Oh, the father-son heritage thing again. Luke, itís his choice. We canít force him to do something if he doesnít want to.
Luke: But heís already started with that smugglerís sarcasm.
Luke: Thereís gonna be another Han Solo running around.
Mara: OK, heís becoming a Jedi. But still... what does any of this have to do with your back?
Luke: Letís just say I put my foot down in my decision... (Mara doesnít get it so Luke continues) ...down the stairs.
Luke: Iím getting too old for this...
In another part of the Imperial Palace, more specifically in the hanger bay, Ben has a discussion of his own with...
Han: What happened to you?
Ben: Oh, itís dad. He wants me to become a Jedi.
Han: And whatís wrong in that?
Ben: Well, I wanted to become a pilot, like you, Uncle Han.
Han: Now thatís another story. But why doesnít he want you to be a pilot? He was a pilot at your age.
Ben: Itís not just about piloting, Uncle Han. Itís about sarcasm and piloting. I heard dad saying something about one Han Solo in the galaxy is enough.
Suddenly, a voice is heard from behind Han, as she steps out where her face can be seen...
Leia: I agree with Luke on that.
Han: And whatís wrong with more than one Han Solo in the galaxy? Leia, youíre supposed to be on my side.
For a moment, everyone is quiet. Han looks at Leia while Leia looks back at Han.
Han: Twins... they stick together like glue.
Ben: Mom kind of agrees with dad, too.
Han: Women! Canít live with them, and unfortunately canít live without them, either.
Ben: Hey, I happen to like girls!
Han: Yeah, now you do. Wait until you have to marry one. Theyíll make your life a living hell. No offence, Leia.
Leia: Oh, címon, sweetheart... Iím not making your life that hard...
Han: Try miserable.
Ben: Well, you know what they say: ďIf you canít beat Ďem... ď
Leia: Definitely canít beat Ďem...!
Han and Ben look at each other and finish the sentence together: ď...join Ďem!Ē