Great post, SLC!!!
Chewie, I look forward to seeing your reply. I realize I never posted an in-depth critique for your last story (I actually got halfway through a couple weeks ago when my computer froze! ARRRGH!!) But I will definitely do so, you know how much of a fan I am!
To enhance the playing experience for everyone, I will be posting the other replies from the other threads so everyone can get a chance to read them and possibly get inspired by them.
So here's some stuff from RS:
Right, now, on with the scene (essentially a copy of what I said on FFURG):
At this juncture, you're pretty much just waiting for Callie, right? That's what I'd recommend, anyway. You can take this time to search that stormtrooper belt, as well as to glance around the room to see what you can see. (That golden robot in the corner, for example, looks prety interesting...) Especially at the stuff she pushed off the desk -- you might learn something about Callie.
And here's why I say that the way I do: The fact that there's stormtrooper gear on the middle of her desk seems a bit odd to me, somehow, and she did seem extremely eager to clear it off when you entered. (After all, I'm sure she's entered that office MANY times before without the need to push all that stuff off the desk -- the difference being that she was alone all those previous times.)
Now I don't mean to rain on people's parade by suggesting that our main character be suspicious of the only friend he's met so far, but given the political sate of affairs on the station, it's a possibility we should keep in mind.
Don't pick up anything just yet, though, or try to follow her. We still want to stay on her good side...
Here's what I'd do:
Put my backpack on the chair and move it out of the way.
Remembering the nice view I got of her... Ahem.
I'd start tiding up the place, especially around the shelves. It's the least I could do for her help. Also, it allows to scope out what she's got back here, especially the junk she tossed on the floor...