My only suggestion here is an introduction to each chapter.
Personally - this might have actually been my favorite chapter - basically because it shows two things -
(1) You aren't afraid to let characters die (adds to the realism)
(2) Having the Republic abandon a planet and showing the after effects is very artistic - and I suspect this could influence future chapters as to how other planets view the Republic.
Huge suggestion though - if you can, avoid using heads of main characters (Han, Luke, Obi Wan, etc.) if at all possible.
My favorite part was having the droids hold their fire for Grievous to step in and make the final kill himself - man he's one bloody, cruel, heartless guy.