Author Topic: SOLDIERS OF THE REPUBLIC- Ambush  (Read 854 times)

Offline Nirvana

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SOLDIERS OF THE REPUBLIC- Ambush
« on: January 1, 2006, 01:39 PM »
Here's my new photonovel, Soldiers of the Republic. It follows the events in the 194th Strike Battalion. It's in third-person, most of the time, occasionally switching into the viewpoints of the soliders in 7th Squad.
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REPUBLIC ATTACK CRUISER, IN ORBIT AROUND DANTOOINE


The Hangar Bay in the Coruscant was a beehive of activity. The soldiers in 7th squad made themselves busy checking and rechecking the vehicles and equipment in the early hours of twilight. General Koon was briefing Commander Barker and his 2nd-in, Sargeant Kazim, on the mission on hand.

"Why are we on this god-forsaken piece of dirt they call a planet, General?" Kazim asked.
"We're searching for a Seperatist sympathizer named Mace Fusca. We've tracked him to his compound on the outskirts of a planetside village. He's been giving money and supplies to the Seperatist forces while encouraging the actions of the Republic in turn. He's also given valuable Intelligence to the Seperatist leaders. This man is a double-timer," Plo Koon said.
        "He's a traitor," Barker said, his voice taking on a cold hard tone. "He needs to be eliminated."
       Kazim nodded his head. "Exactly," Master Koon said. "You will take 7th squad down to the surface, infiltrate his compound, and capture him alive."
"What of his accomplices? Surely he must have some security," Barker inquired.
"Only two that we know of," Koon said. "He has a Wookie bodyguard named Balcom who has had a previous criminal record. The other one is an unknown species. His name is Tulgrat, that's all we know." Plo Koon left to brief the Council.
Barker turned to me, putting on his helmet.

"We will go together. I'll be point, you'll be rear guard." Kazim nodded. "I have to say though, sir, I don't like the sound of this one. Mr. Fusca sounds like a dangerous man."
"I know, I know."
"But what....."



DANTOOINE COMPOUND

Mace Fusca stood in his office, listening to the conversation onboard the Republic Cruiser like it was in the room itself.

He knew that they were coming, and welcomed it. "Now I'll show the Republic," he said to himself. The inside Republic connections he obtained had been vital to his success. He paged Balcom and Tulgat to enter the room.  They entered and stood by his side, motionless.

     "Balcom, a sqaud of Republic soldiers will be entering our facility soon. Please give them a warm welcome. I want them alive. You may hurt them, but nothing fatal. Turgat, you follow him and pick up any stragglers." "Go."



REPUBLIC ATTACK CRUISER, IN ORBIT ABOVE DANTOOINE


Commander Barker turned to his men. "Status Check!" He shouted above the din of tools, machinery, and the gentle hum of the cruiser's engines. All work stopped. The pilot, Corporal Hastin, looked up from the DRA.

"All systems in working order, sir!" He saluted. "Excellent," Barker said in a throaty voice. "Take it planetside and clear us a landing zone next to the scum's compound. "Yes, sir," he said, lifting the speeder off the ground and into the clear night.
Lieutenant Qasto looked up from the ARC-170 he was reparing.

 "Sir, this girl's badly damaged, but she'll still fly," He said, his face covered in grime. "Then we won't take it," Barker said. Pvt. Weder turned to Kazim.

"The LPRV is in working order, sir," He said. "We won't need it, soldier," Kazim decided. "Thanks for checking its equipment, though."
Barker turned to his men.

"All right, listen up, ladies! We got a mission to accomplish! No screwing around. Grab your guns, be next to the Gunship in 10 minutes. I'm waiting for Hastin to give me the all-clear. Once we deploy it'll be pitch-black out there, so stay close."


PLANETSIDE

The DRA swooped silently to the ground. Hastin got out, his face bathed in the blue glow from the DRA's controls.

He took a small DC-15 and swept the area outside Fusca's compound. It was clear.

He radioed in to Barker. "All clear, sir," he said.
The Commander came through, his voiced laced with static. "All right. I'm making my approach." He turned to the Gunship pilot. "No landing lights, nothing," he said. "Yes, sir," the pilot replied calmly.
Minutes later the squad was on the ground. Kazim walked up to Barker.

 "Sir, I strongly suggest that we move now. Catch them when it's still dark, suprise them."
"That sounds like our best bet," Barker whispered.
He took off his helmet and turned to his men.

"I want you four as a column. Kazim's in the back, I'm point. Not a word. Don't fire until I give the order. Be alert."
They entered the compound, their boots hitting the floor almost silently. It was dark inside, almost as dark as it was outside.


They moved swiftly, checking all the doors. There were also little side corridors that they passed by. That was their fatal mistake. No one noticed the gigantic Wookie rush torwards them until it rammed its shoulder in to the middle column, rendering 3 soldiers unconcious. Barker turned, too stunned about what was happening. He attempted to raise his rilfe to shoot the beast, but he was a second too late. The Wookie rammed his club into Barker's chest, shattering his ribs.

Pvt. Weder tried to fire at Balcom, but was kicked in the face.

Sargeant Kazim was the only one left standing. Too numb to fire, he backpedaled, only to run into Tulgrat and get knocked out cold.

Tulgrat surveyed the pile of soldiers lying in a heap on the cold corridor plating. "Master will be most pleased," he purred.

Tulgrat paged Mace. "Master, we have the scum."
"Excellent. Bring them to the interrogation room."
"As you wish."

TO BE CONTINUED......
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Well, I hope you like it! LMK what you think, all comments are appreciated. Thanks for looking.



« Last Edit: January 1, 2006, 02:19 PM by Darth Nirvana »
My whole expanse...I cannot see...

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: SOLDIERS OF THE REPUBLIC- Ambush
« Reply #1 on: January 1, 2006, 04:22 PM »
Holy cow, this was your best chapter yet!  Only two things I would change - you had one typo where the word "rifle" is spelled "rilfe" but that's all I saw on typing.   I always make more than that in my stories.

The other thing I would say is maybe try and get a few more close ups, just to add some more emotional connection that we might feel towards the characters.

What I loved about this was your use of the Wookiee figure, the way you presented this chapter too was great - I had no problems understanding what was going on at all.  The smaller pics might look better if they were a bit bigger, but still, your pics were very clear and easy to tell what was happening.

This was extremely well written too - I'm amazed at how well scripted the dialogue was.

Cool to see more of a cliffhanger here too, I wonder what will happen next? 

Good chapter Nirvana - I'm very pleased with this one!

 :P

Offline Nirvana

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Re: SOLDIERS OF THE REPUBLIC- Ambush
« Reply #2 on: January 1, 2006, 04:27 PM »
Wow, thanks alot CHEWIE. I always proof my stories before I submit them, didn't see that. The thing is about my pics, if I try to resize them they get blurry. For the writing, and I don't know if you do this, I kinda "say" the dialogue as I'm setting up scenes and such. Kinda to make it sound like a movie. I think next chapter'll be pretty dark, both in lighting and in storyline, and if you check my custom thread later today, there'll be a 'spoiler' custom as well as a preview for #2. Thanks for your comments, they really help.
My whole expanse...I cannot see...

Offline Deanna Rash

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Re: SOLDIERS OF THE REPUBLIC- Ambush
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2006, 07:54 PM »
The pics were a little small ,but great over all.
The ablity to speak does not make you intelligent - now get out of here!