Author Topic: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var  (Read 5182 times)

Offline CHEWIE

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RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« on: June 26, 2005, 07:51 PM »
It seems like forever since the last update in the Rykrof Enloe series.  But the wait is over! 

Hold on tight!   ;)

















































































































I truly hope that you all enjoyed that story, it was by far the most challenging.  Special thanks to Owen D. and Coeli the help with the props.

 :P

Offline crazy about Clones

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2005, 08:32 PM »
ahhh! Definatley the best one of the series (in my opinion) I love the "Battlefront" feel to the battles of Rhen Var.  The AT-TE looks awesome, but we need to see some more droids getting shot/killed, it seemed only clones were dying.  Great Job overall, the dialogue was great too! I also like the tie in with Commander Baccara, that was really cool.

I'll give this one 200%! Awesome, there isn't a better word for it. ;D
« Last Edit: June 26, 2005, 08:34 PM by crazy about Clones »
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Offline Matt_Fury

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #2 on: June 26, 2005, 08:35 PM »
Nice work Chewie.  I really enjoyed the way you chose to end it...reminiscent of Empire Strikes Back...very cool.
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Offline Diddly

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #3 on: June 26, 2005, 11:22 PM »
Wonderful, wonderful stuff! I loved the stuff taken from Battlefront, it just made everything seem more "SW Realistic". Not much else to say, everything was really top notch! Loved the ending as well!

Offline Vator

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2005, 11:34 PM »
Incredible work. I bow to your mastery.

However, perhaps fix that font problem in the dialoge? It's a tad distracting.
- June 22, 2004 12:13 AM -

Offline Famine

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2005, 11:36 PM »
Daddy likes. Daddy likes alot.

Fantastic use of EU, especially with the apearance of Durge and Sora Bulq.

Kevin
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Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2005, 01:25 AM »
Thanks for the feedback guys!  I really think this one is my favorite one so far.  It was such a pain to make, but I think it was worth it.  So many frustrating hours went into it...


Crazy about Clones -

Don't worry you Clone lover, the Clones will have their revenge soon!  I thought the Bacara tie in was kinda fun too, seeing that Ki Adi Mundi saves him here, but will eventually be betrayed by him.  Some loyalty you have Bacara!!

Matt_Fury -

Thanks, and yeah I think I'm satisfied with the ending.  I thought this one ended very different than any of the others, and that having Palpatine shown as "orchestrating" the war would be a good way to end it.

Diddly -

I'm a huge fan of Battlefront.  I wanted to tie in more elements of the game, and will probably do so later.  I have another Rhen Var story planned for later on.

Master_Cheif -

I've had font problems for a long time on these.  I can't ever get it to look normal.  I probably spent an extra two hours using different formats and this was the best I could come up with.  Sorry if it detracts from the story.

Famine -

Thanks buddy.  Too bad I can't use that Sith in it now that you have!!  Just kidding. 


So, did you guys think the storyline ran smoothly in it?  I hope it didn't jump around too much.  Also, did you spot Rykrof's wife at the end with his kid?

Any suggestions?  Did the special effects look better in this one?  Or were they cheesy?

 :P




Offline Darth Delicious

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2005, 02:09 AM »
Caron L'luh, noooooooooo!  :o

Seriously, Chewie, this was without a doubt the best installment thus far. The story was good, the battle was exciting, and the special effects were the best you've done so far. The tie-ins to Republic #'s 50-51, as well as Jedi: Dooku were fantastic as well, and made the story seem really connected to the "canon" events of the Clone Wars.

Other things I really liked was Durge's appearance, Commander Bacarra (who's armor designation is like my Commander Talon...very cool, maybe I'll have to do a story with both of them in the same unit) and the appearances of Durge. I also liked the green and red "point markers" ala Battlefront...unobtrusive, but a fun sight for fans.

Coeli's AT-TE and Owen's props were put to excellent use here. Great job. I also really liked the Clone pilots with their EMP guns. The Ishi Tibs looked great, and I was glad to see some hand to hand combat make it's way into the series. It was also cool seeing "Rykrof Jr." How'd you get that little baby in there, anyway?  :P

Now, a few minor quibbles:

Obi-Wan's briefing should have included a line about the appearance of Ventress and Durge on Ohma-Dun since it's the first encounter with them. At the very least, you might have said Obi-Wan continues his report as Rykrof wonders if he'll ever see his wife and child again, so it's suggested the information was there.

Bacarra's neck peg needs to be painted black. It's totally visible when Durge crowns him.

The spelling typos...I'm an editor, so I'm anal about such things.  ;D

And finally...the story ends with Rykrof jumping into a shuttle and retreating. This is happening way too much...just once I want to see Rykrof stand his ground and fight against impossible odds. I know he's like an everyman in the events of the galaxy to some extent, but give the guy a major victory. Too many stories have ended the same way...although you salvaged this one in a big way by including his ruminations afterward, which was great, and really made the story resonate emotionally.

All in all, though, despite my nitpicking, I give this one a solid "10" on the scale. It was easily your most ambitious work to date, and you suceeded brilliantly.

-DD
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Offline Dressel Rebel

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2005, 02:15 AM »
Nice CHEWIE!!  I loved the Battlefront references, it took me back to last September/October when I was playing 5 hours a night!  I also loved the Ishi Tib party.  Keep up the good work.
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Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2005, 10:46 AM »
Thanks guys. 

DD, what typos are you referring to?  Did I spell Bacara wrong?  Other than that, I didn't think there were any.  There are some areas where it looks like some words do this -

Jedi on far away world fighting in the nam e of a Republic many of t hem don't even believe in anymore.

It's not that I can't type or spell, but when the words are downloaded onto the image, sometimes they space weird.  It's extremely frustrating.

I agree about Rykrof seeming like he's always on the run... he did win in the end though in the following stories -

#1 - Crisis on Abridon
#3 - Anti-Jedi
#5 - Deception
#6 - Assassins of Evil
#7 - Chaos
#10 - Depths of Cholganna

But he has been know to turn his back and run too when there is no chance for victory.  His primary concern is his family (and I'm glad you noticed his son, that took some tricky editing to add in a shrunk down baby doll to be held by his wife) and he wants to live.

I am trying to paint a picture of the Republic losing the fight at this point in the war.  The war broke out in part 7 - Chaos.  In part 8 and 9, he did run away.  Simply couldn't win in those battles where ambassador Tame Heem was a central character to the plot.  In part 10, they were victorious over the Separatists.

Just wait until you see what happens with Rykrof in parts 12 and 13.  It won't be pretty.  And a new major character will be introduced to the story soon.

 :P

Offline crazy about Clones

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #10 on: June 27, 2005, 01:53 PM »
man it sounds great! now your making me want 12 & 13! ;D

again great job on the story 10/10.

Edit: I just noticed in one of the AT-TE scenes(and some others) there are battlefront screenshots.  Nice touch! ;D
« Last Edit: June 27, 2005, 01:58 PM by crazy about Clones »
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Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #11 on: June 27, 2005, 05:20 PM »
Thanks again.... ok, DD - I found a typo.  Maser Sora Bulq instead of Master Sora Bulq.  I'll fix it tonight. 



*edit* - typo fixed

 :P
« Last Edit: June 27, 2005, 11:32 PM by CHEWIE »

Offline Commander CuDa

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #12 on: June 27, 2005, 06:17 PM »
VERY COOL


  I want that sep commander for my slave c custom lol . Thing looks awesome do you have pics of him anywhere else on here ?
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Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #13 on: June 27, 2005, 10:20 PM »
Do you mean Durge?  I don't have any extra pics of him up yet, but he's just the Durge from the deluxe w/ Swoop that came out in the Clone Wars line.  I repainted him quite a bit to give him a "rougher" look.

 :P

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE #11 - Siege on Rhen Var
« Reply #14 on: June 28, 2005, 10:57 AM »
Got a little more feedback over at Scum from one of the most creative people out there, Lance Quazar -

CHEWIE!!!

This is amazing!! The production values are simply astounding! You have raised the bar YET AGAIN!

So much effort has gone into this beauty that I will again offer a "step by step" analysis as I read it for the second time....

By the way, many have commented on how this blends in with other EU Clone Wars stories. Alas, all I know of CW comes from the cartoon, so I'm not privy to that, but, on its own, it's a great story!

Onto the review....

Off the bat, I love the use of the scroll to bring us up to date on events. It lends the whole thing a very "star wars" feel, obviously. But you use the verb "convincing" twice in the same sentence, which is a minor pet peeve of mine.

The moon of Naboo - I like the use of your moss again!

Obi Wan and the clone - man, I wish I could get close-ups this clear and detailed!

Love the "war room" set! And it's great to see Tarkin make an appearance! This is a great set. I even love the background. And the custom Aayla is nice. Good to see her in a litle more conservative attire from time to time....personally, I would find her usual outfit a little, uh, distracting during briefings!

Although, I think you missed an opportunity to put some holographic planets or some kind of war room/battle map here.

The Obi Wan hologram looks good, but should be more blue and more translucent.

Nice use of a comic book image, but it took me a while to figure out what it was supposed to be (even with the dialogue).

Although I realize you obviously were being economical, actual dialogue between Tarkin and Rykrof might have been preferable here.

Why is Tylin Gere such a putz! He's not very sympathetic to his friend. God, I hate that guy!  And why is he still wearing a Coruscant security uniform? Haven't they found anything USEFUL for him to do?

Great composite shot of the shuttle!

Maybe you should have put the shuttle into the shot of Rhen Var to visually underscore Rykrof's arrival.

The shot of Rykrof and Ralbarr really showcases how great the custom Rkykrof looks in his clone uniform. A new custom, obviously, with the AT TE gunner uniform??

maybe Ryrkrof should have brought just a few troops with him. No offense to the guy, but, on his own, what does he offer, especially since there's already a Jedi mster and clone commander on Rhen Var?

Love the scene on Tibrin! You always do a good job with Dooku, one of my favorite characters. Wow, lots of Ishi Tibs! So you're the one who bought them all!

And, of course, those rocks of yours still look gorgeous! Damn you! I need some!!!!

I really love the Republic base! Wow! And even the hologram of the troops looks terrific (a little more translucent, though, might have made it just a tad better.)

GREAT action shot with the tanks!! You're fx/compositing skills are truly mind-blowing! This baby is ACTION PACKED!

The AT TE is an amazing feat! but you obscure it a little too much here with smoke and with narrow camera angles. don't be afraid to show it off!

The action shots are all first rate! This is phenomenal work! Love it!

Wish we had seen at least a glimpse of the padawan in an earlier scene before he died, if only in the background. But it's cool nevertheless...

I MUST know where you get these great images of flames and fire....you'll have to email them to me or post them in the JD photo reference thread.

Durge kicking [censored]! Awesome!

Ralbarra V. Durge! Double awesome!

I don't get Mundi's line, "we have no time for prisoners". Does he mean taking prisoners? why bother? who is there to take prisoner? Droids? Durge? Besides, those who are retreating usually don't take prisoners!

The ending is great! The only thing missing from the shot of Rykrof and Ralbarra chillin' is a couple of brews between them.

Love Rykrof's defeatist monologue. Only minor question/quibble - as I said, I don't read any EU, but was there really a battle for tatooine? Sounds like a lame idea, why would anyone bother fighting over Tatooine? There's no Republic presence in TPM and no Imperial presence in ANH...it seems like it should have been untouched by war.

The sidious ending is great! Very ominious...excellent compositing....

This really was worth the wait! The most visually stunning photonovel yet. You really do keep outdoing yourself....it's thrilling!

I'm assuming we'll see more about Rhen Var, with the results of the separatist victory and the Sith temple?

Should Mundi have told Rykrof about their real mission, though? Or is that coming in another adventure?

Anyway.....thanks for your hard work, I, for one, enjoy the hell out of these babies!

Bravo!


There were some comments/questions that he had there that hadn't been touched on here yet, so I thought it would be ok to reply to his post here too since I know a lot of you are familiar with his interactive photonovel.

Lance, thanks for the in-depth review, I really appreciate it.  It's people like you that I make these for.  I'll try to answer your questions as best I can -

(1) - Aayla definitely needs a different outfit sometimes like you said, so I used the Depa Bilaba body and tweaked it some for this outfit.

(2) - The War Room on Coruscant could have been better, next time I'll add in more background holo-images like you said.

(3) - The dead Gungans could have been shown better in the holo image.  I should have done better with that.

(4) - I originally had some dialogue between Tarkin and Rykrof, but cut it out just because I was afraid the story was getting too long?

(5) - Tylin Gere, man you hate this guy don't ya!  I think eventually you will value or respect his role more, he will end up having a huge impact on this series.

(6) - The Rykrof is still a SA AOTC Clone body, but with the AT-TE gunner shoulder pad.

(7) - Rykrof probably should have brought some more troops with him.  He was really being sent to Rhen Var for his leadership and tactical abilities.  The Tarkin dialogue originally stated that.  I should have left that line in probably.

(8 ) - For the AT-TE, I actually added in so much smoke/effects to cover up my editing problems in cutting and pasting images of it.  But I think I have it figured out now where I won't have to do that so much.  I'm still a rookie when it comes to editing.

(9) - The Padawan was a last minute addition.  I wanted to show an inexperienced Jedi get whacked! 

(10) - I get the flames and explosion images off of google.  I just do an image search for "explosion" or "fire", etc.

(11) - The prisoner line was referring to Durge.  Ki Adi Mundi was just letting Ralbarr to not even think about it.

(12) - More will be revealed about Rhen Var in a upcoming photonovel in the Clone Wars, and eventually way down the road a lot more will happen with Rhen Var.

(13) - The Tatooine battle is a tribute to the "Battlefront" game where you can battle on Tatooine.

(14) - I am really glad that you enjoyed this one, especially the ending.  Did you spot Alyssa at the end with the baby?

 :P