Author Topic: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal  (Read 3199 times)

Offline CHEWIE

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RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« on: September 6, 2005, 02:11 AM »






































































Next up #14 - Desperate Measures

 :P

« Last Edit: September 6, 2005, 02:13 AM by CHEWIE »

Offline Ryan

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #1 on: September 6, 2005, 02:32 AM »
New Chapter!!!! :) I gotta finish posting my stuff and I'll comment further. This looks really good from what I saw whe I skimmed it. :)
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Offline Ryan

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #2 on: September 6, 2005, 03:49 AM »
Alright I'm ready, I have to say I'm really impressed. Like I say everytime, your storytelling ability gets better with every chapter. I'll break my critique down into sections.


STORY

I like how you have been opening with generic battle shots, it really helps to remind us that there is a much larger war going on outside the battles Rykrof participates in. They really give the series a nice underlying threat, that we know is there and isn't going away.

I'm glad Rykrof disobbeyed oreders and went to see his family. It makes me much more sympathetic to him because he seems so much more human. Having Anakin turn himin was BRILLIANT! It is little twist and sub-plot lines likethese that set this series apart from any other. I also like seeing the Palpy-Anakin relationship furthered a bit, it is good to see other characters aren't neglected and that you find away to tie them in with out making it seem like everybody knows everybody the universe.

The same can be said about the Grievous and Ventress cene, it is nice to see them working together. When both of them are there you know Rykrpf has really managed to piss of the Confederacy.

This episode has so many great interpersonal realtionships, one of my favorites is Tylin-Palpy. You really get to see how manipulative Palpy can be. You really get the sense he completely convince Tylin that Rykrof isn't on their side and that a rescue is pointless. This was an excellent scene, I really like your action shots but it is in sceneslike this that you really excel. I'm glad you go into to so much detail and it seems like you really think these things out. These are my favorite kinds of stories, the ones that are all talk, you do it so well that it is just as exciting as action scenes.

I'm glad to see Master Shundi making his return. I think you choose the perfect set of Jedi for this scene since they both have gone on some rather intense missions with Rykrof and became friends with him. It wouldn't have workked as well with someone other than Ki-Adi Mundi. I can't wait to see Master Shundi in action again.

The final scne with Rykrof and his troopers is a good way to end it. I think you ended this chapter a really suspenseful spot. It has me on my toes, I can't wait to see what Rykrof goes through on Dathomir.


Special Effects/Sets

You have made great progress in your effect shots awell. the battles look great as always. Any of the shots you have with the Shuttle in the look fantastic. I really like the shot of the trio leaving Naboo. You picked some excellent photobackgrounds for this chapter. The scene in Theed (or where ever it is Ryrof lives) looks like a movie shot, it is very well done.

I am glad you included Owen's base in there, don't get me wrong your digital sets are great but I prefer the real thing when possible, it is the same in movies. CGI is great but I still like the real deal. Since it is somewhat Modular you can reuse that thing for many different shot and make it look like a different base.

The Confederate Cruiser is really cool. I like how you mixed the phot with your own creation. and it is "lit" the right way it is nice and dark and really helps set the mood.

I think my favorite set is Dathomir though, you did a fantastic job of mixing the real pieces with digital ones. The rocks are a perfect background and it is cool to see the real moss varied up with a a whole bunch of digital plants, it looks almost exactly like I have always pictured Dathomir. The last shot is awesome. I really like the muddy look for the floor. And of course the Rancor, I didn't forget about him. :) I am really looking forward to seeing him in action next chapter. Have you decided to use the real or the digital one?

I really like how you have been using so many close ups lately, it really helps to get us more into the character and conversation. It feels more like a movie and less like reading a script. And for how close these are they are really good quality. I hope you keep these in future chapters.

Suggestions for the Special Edition

There is almost nothing that needs to be fixed in this chapter it is excellent. I think in the last paragraph of the crawl I'd have switched "been recently abandoned" to "recently been abandoned." I personally think it sounds better.

Other than that I can think of nothing else that I'd change. I can't wait until 14, did you work on both at the same time or is 14 still in preproduction? You're not allowed to sleep, eat, post, or leave the room you make thse in until it is done. So you'd better hurry. :P ;)
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Offline Darth Delicious

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #3 on: September 6, 2005, 05:29 AM »
Great googly moogly! The stage is set!

I'm on my way to bed, so no time for my critique just yet...I'll mull this one over and post a full review tomorrow.

Ventress is going down to the planet...Rykrof is SO screwed...

-DD
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Offline ThePerennial

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #4 on: September 6, 2005, 11:19 AM »
Ventress is going down to the planet...Rykrof is SO screwed...

 oooh, I've been waiting for the dathomir plot and it's finally here! Ventress should be a big problem in addition to those freaky-deaky nightsisters and their Rancor steeds.

Offline LandotheScoundrel

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #5 on: September 6, 2005, 02:41 PM »
Sweet! New CHEWIE Photonovel day!!! Its like my birthday or something!

I like the use of the new imperial outpost playset, and seeing Tylin Gere in the officer's uniform. These photonovels just keep getting better and better!
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Offline Reid

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #6 on: September 6, 2005, 05:13 PM »
Can't wait for #14!

Offline MetalJedi

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #7 on: September 6, 2005, 06:06 PM »
Wow Chewie. This is a great story! These get better and better. I can't believe Anakin would rat out poor Rykrof.  Nosey bastard >:( But Rykrof and his troops are going to have their hands full with Asajj and those pesky Rancors.

I remember my dream now.

Offline Diddly

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #8 on: September 6, 2005, 06:18 PM »
Oh man, a Rancor, Asajj, AND the wrath of Palpidious? RE is in some DEEP ****...

I really liked the pics in this one. Your skills are getting better! I also liked the story too. I wonder where could the Badoo Corba have gone, and if they're alligned with the CIS? Very intriguing...

Can't wait for #14! :)

Offline Smartypants1635

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #9 on: September 6, 2005, 09:48 PM »
what figure are thosehelmets re wheres? the battle pack helm is all screwwed up in multiple places

Offline Ryan

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #10 on: September 6, 2005, 09:58 PM »
what figure are thosehelmets re wheres? the battle pack helm is all screwwed up in multiple places

What? ???

Smarty please try and proof read your posts, they are so hard to read, that I'm tempted to skip them sometimes. :-\

If you are talking about the clones then they are just the Clone Wars SA/ EE 4 pack SA clones.
« Last Edit: September 6, 2005, 10:34 PM by Sith Lord Chaos »
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Offline ThePerennial

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #11 on: September 7, 2005, 12:30 AM »
I thyink maybe he's speaking about the removable helmet that rykof is wearing. He's wondering where it's from. It's probably from the SAGA clonetrooper with speeder bike.

Offline Ryan

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #12 on: September 7, 2005, 12:55 AM »
I thyink maybe he's speaking about the removable helmet that rykof is wearing. He's wondering where it's from. It's probably from the SAGA clonetrooper with speeder bike.

I'm pretty sure CHEWIE Just puts the Tank gunner thing on a SA clone when Rykrof has his helmet on, and it isn't removable.
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Offline Jediknight760071

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #13 on: September 7, 2005, 12:58 AM »
This is probably one of my favorite photonovels of yours. I liked the length, and the dark, brooding nature of the storyline. Best of all, while I was reading this story I kept referring back to parts 11 and 12, which made the series seem all the more legitimate. The suspense was one thing while the edffects were another. Each shot is becoming increasingly gorgeous. My only problem with this addition is the font. Some letters are too close to together, a problem I didn't notice in your early photonovels. You might to fix that, but it's not a big worry.

Keep it up! If you ever need any help (i.e. Checking continuity or anything) just shoot me a message and I'd be glad to lend a hand. :-* ;)

Offline Quazar

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Re: RE#13 - Seeds of Betrayal
« Reply #14 on: September 7, 2005, 02:04 AM »
Hey, Chewie!

Another great photonovel.

I will return to doing my "play by play" analysis, which I think I skipped last time (oops!)

Anyway, love it, as always.  Now here we go:

Okay, miniscule nitpick here, but would it be possible for you to "scroll back" the text a la the Star Wars films?  I just think it might look cooler.

Really like the space battle scenes.  They always look great!

In the 3rd panel, your text says the Jedi ranks are growing thin, but we see Mace Windu, who obviously doesn't die.  Why not show a random jedi being killed?

Another great composite shot.  Dathomir looks very cool!

The Naboo shot looks great, too.  I will talk more about Rykrof and his family later...Excellent use of the custom speeder.  It's interesting to see how Naboo has been fortified during the war.

Really nice shot of the three shuttles and the moutain.  I'm really repeating myself here, but it's true.  The look is fantastic.

GREAT close up of Ryrkrof.  I can't get anywhere near this kind of close detail with my lousy digital camera.  Wow.  Very cool.

Nice hologram of Padme.  Very blue!  But you should modify the transparency (if you can).  And I'm not a fan of the Evolutions Anakin.  It has great articulation, obviously, but looks pretty lousy.  The head stinks and I don't like the soft goods.  "Secret Ceremony" is probably the best looking AOTC Anakin.  Though that's not saying much.  Since Padme mentions Ryrkof to Anakin, though, maybe we should have seen her running into them on Naboo.  And why would she mention that?  Maybe you should have written some dialogue.  It seems like Padme is being a "tattler" for no real reason.

I really like how you're making digital enviroments in some cases.  They look pretty good! 

The 2nd shot of the office, though, is a bit awkward.  The window is the exact same shape as the previous shot, so it doesn't look like they've moved to a different part of the room, but now the furniture is gone.  Nice gloomy clouds over Coruscant, though!

I don't know why you made Palpatine all gray like that.  It looks...interesting.  But Palpatine obviously didn't look like that in the films.  I'm just curious as to what your motivation for that was.

Okay, here's one thing I don't understand.  I very much liked, in earlier chapters, how you said that the universe wasn't going to revolve around Rykrof.  He's just one guy and he's not the most important man in the galaxy, just another guy doing his job.  Now, however, he seems very important - he has attracted the attention of Palpatine and Anakin, just for slipping away for a short time.  Would Papatine and Anakin really worry so much about one soldier?

Interesting use of "Star Trek" imagery for the office here.  However, I think there are lots of pictures of Palpatine's office on line you could have used.  Still, your compositing skills are first rate!

Another nice shot of the shuttles.  If only there were ample pictures of the ROTS shuttle Palp used in that movie.  Oh, well.  Still looks cool.

A couple more good shots.  Especially the explosion of the shuttle.  VERY nice.  Escape pod put to great use, too.

Hey, I really like the digital bride!  Nice work.  Where'd you get that control panel in the back?  Also great to see Grievous and the cool new Asajj figure.

EXCELLENT combination of the Trade Federation picture and your own digital creation as Asajj leaves the bride. 

Tylin Gere, what a kiss ass!  How did he weasel himself into a cushy officer's commission while Rykrof is out there on the front lines? 

Why are these pics so washed out and gray looking?  Just curious.  Also, why does Tylin have black pants? 

I love Palpatine trying to pry Tylin apart from his friend!  I can't wait to see how this plays out!  My money's on Tylin screwing over Enloe!  again, though, it seems like Rykrof's just a little too important.  I wish there was just a little more justification for all the attention he's getting from the very top.

Also, love the use of Owen's sets!  I'm very envious!

I love how Palp is turning Tylin on Rykrof.  Very ROTS.  Nicely done.  And "not sparing the resources for a rescue!"  Great!  Ice cold, man. 

Don't really love the look of the custom Jedi.  Why is his hood black, but his tunic tan?  I was never crazy about that...

And again, this conversation between two top Jedi assigns Rykrof an importance that I don't think he's quite earned yet.  Obviously, Ki adi Mundi is a friend, they fought together.  But it seems like there is way too much time spent talking about Rykrof while the war is on.  Just a little more justification is needed.

Excellent series of shots on the surface as Rykrof regroups.  Love the rocks, of course, and the additions of the plants digitally looks great.  A very fine scene all around, writing, direction, etc.

Rancor!!  Awesome!  Great shot!  Hopefully, we'll see more of this guy.

great episode and a fantastic cliffhanger.  Can't wait to see the next friggin' chapter!!  Lots of threats brewing out there!  Ventress, rancor, Palpatine.  All in all, a very exciting addition.

Now, here was my thought about Rykrof and his family.  This isn't a criticism at all.  It's just a thought I had.  I was thinking that it might be very poignant if Rykrof NEVER got a chance to go home and see his son.  You mentioned that you would eventually take the story into the GCW era and would focus on Rykrof's son.

I thought it might have been very cool if Rykrof was killed at the end of the Clone Wars, never having gotten the chance to go home again and then, years later, his son could make discoveries about the father that he never knew.

Anyway, like I said, not a criticism at all, just an alternative idea.  I DO like how you used the family visit against Rykrof and how it might lead to his undoing, as Palpatine is using it to turn everyone against Rykrof.  Again, I wish there was a litttle more explanation for why everyone is suddenly interest in Rykrof, but, beyond that, the plotting is working very well.

All in all, another terrific job!  Thanks for your hard work and creativity!  Can't wait to see the next one....




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