Author Topic: RE#15 - Edge of Death  (Read 4761 times)

Offline Quazar

  • Jedi Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 477
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #15 on: October 8, 2005, 11:57 AM »
Hey, Chewie.  Nice work as always.

However, in my opinion, this is a good, but not a great chapter.  Everything looks fantastic, as always, but there isn't a tremendous amount of story here.  At the end, we're still basically at the same place we were at the end of the last one.

Still, the shots of the witch are creepy as hell.  The campfire scenes were very cool, but the Corellian guys don't seem to have much of a point.  At least not yet...

On the plus side, this chapter has made me even more eager for the next one!  The sets, by the way, are amazing, especially the old Badoo Corba base.

And the discovery of the secret files adds great urgency to the story, so that notion was brilliant.  But why would Palpatine know how to unlock the code?  Is he a computer genius all of a sudden?

anyway, more detailed comments to follow.  Despite my criticisms, these are always a blast to read and this was no exception.  Thanks for your efforts!!
Sith Lords Are Our Speciality

Offline CHEWIE

  • Jedi Sentinel
  • *
  • Posts: 14422
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #16 on: October 8, 2005, 12:11 PM »
Lance, this story was more of a "filler" to get to the the climax of the Dathomir plot.  So you are right, not a ton of action happened in it, and they are still in a similar situation as at the end of the last story.  I wanted to make this a long story, and I hope I'm not making it too long in doing that.

The witch will be part of a confrontation in the next chapter.  So will Asajj, and some other characters as well that were not in this chapter.

The discovery of the files gives urgency to Rykrof getting off the planet, and Asajj has urgency from Dooku now to complete her mission.  Also, General Snodd was introduced, as was Traedon and Briss.  Their main reason for inclusion at this point was to inform Rykrof more of the witch.  I didn't want to just throw her into it.  I am trying to build her character more before doing so.

As for the cylinder codes, yes there are secret codes that only Palpatine and elite members of the military know.  Rykrof sealed the data with the "password" if you will.  It isn't supposed to imply that Palpatine is a computer tech.

Thanks for the detailed analysis.  It makes me look ever more forward to making chapter #16.  I wish I could start on it this weekend, but can't.

 :P

Offline Reid

  • Jedi Knight
  • *
  • Posts: 3255
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #17 on: October 8, 2005, 10:04 PM »
Great chapter. As a certain Sith Lord would say, "Impressive. Most impressive." That Sith Witch is gonna give me nightmares for weeks now all because of YOU. JK.

Offline Quazar

  • Jedi Initiate
  • *
  • Posts: 477
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #18 on: October 9, 2005, 07:11 AM »
Hey, Chewie....

After the great and ominous scene where Freelo mentions the witch, I didn't think she needed more of an introduction from the two new characters.  As I said earlier, those guys don't seem to have much of an organic function in the story just yet.

You sufficiently built up the witch already, no real need for them to re-hash it.

And then you get into plausibility issues just a bit - it seems almost a little too coincidental that Rykrof and Freelo AND these other guys all crashed on this fairly remote world all around the same time.

I really liked General Snodd, I was glad to see him included, but, as I've said in the past, I wish you would focus almost exclusively on these original villains and not as much on established characters who are so much more powerful than Rykrof.

Because Dooku and Ventriss are so powerful, we know they won't confront Rykrof directly in a fair fight, otherwise he'd lose immediately.  But obviously we have no idea what will happen with Snodd, so there's more suspense and mystery there.

I also think it's just a bit of a stretch that Dooku would "waste" Asajj Ventress, an extremely powerful ally, on the relatively mundane task of killing Rykrof.  Yes, I understand that he's become very important, but surely Dooku doesn't need to use a powerful Force user to handle a simple soldier, especially since she has been tied up for literally two months looking for him without success.

Given that span of time, I also kinda wished you put just one or two quick "day in the life shots", showing how Rykrof and his team are actually surviving - like possibly foraging for food or at least spying on the separatists in order to stay one step ahead of them.  It almost seems like too much of a stretch to buy that they've been in the Badoo Corba base undetected for that long (I know they weren't there the entire time, but they have been there a while, it seems.)

Anyway, I hope these comments aren't too nitpicky.  This is a great series and I'm very excited about the next chapter.

I also enjoyed seeing very much the "making of" shots you posted in other threads.

A few questions - where do you get the images you use like the ground, swamp, water, mountains, etc.

Also, could you please post a picture of the "base" unaltered and unmodified.  I'd love to try to find one of those if possible. 

As always, can't wait for the next installment!

Sith Lords Are Our Speciality

Offline CHEWIE

  • Jedi Sentinel
  • *
  • Posts: 14422
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #19 on: October 9, 2005, 02:28 PM »
Thanks for the comments Lance.  I appreciate your questions and advice.  I'm still not an expert on these by any means.

Witch - The reason I showed a bit more of her was to establish a bit more how disgusting she is, that she is a cannibal and I felt that if I left her out of this chapter, a lot of people would be wondering why.  It seems like she has been the most popular part of the Dathomir story, and she's only appeared in three pics so far over the last two stories.

Dooku - I disagree somewhat on not showing main characters.  They are such an integral part of the Clone Wars and the Sith are the ones behind the entire war itself.  I do like to continue to create original characters however like you mentioned.

Ventress - I've tried to show in the series in the discussions mainly between Dooku and Palpatine that the main reason she has been sent there is to see if she confronts the witch on the planet, as it is a test for her in her preparation for a confrontation with Anakin Skywalker.  On the surface, her mission is to find Rykrof and kill him and any Republic survivors.  But the underlying motives of Dooku are for her to confront the witch.  He is hoping to see how Ventress deals with this situation.  So in that sense she is not a "waste" - her real mission is to encounter the witch - but she does not know that was her real mission.  Dooku is manipulating her just as he does with so many others.

Thanks for all of the advice.  It does help me in the storyline very much, and check back in my regular customs thread soon for pics of that base.

 :P


Offline Reid

  • Jedi Knight
  • *
  • Posts: 3255
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #20 on: October 9, 2005, 08:18 PM »
I like how you made the Witch a cannibal. We don't hear much about cannabbalism in SW so this was very cool to see. She reminds me of Leatherface from TCM. ;D

Offline Reid

  • Jedi Knight
  • *
  • Posts: 3255
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #21 on: October 9, 2005, 09:47 PM »
What was the final fate of those two Clone Troopers? Please don't say they're dead... :-\ :'( :'(

Offline Ryan

  • Retired Staff Member
  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 5355
  • The North Remembers
    • View Profile
    • JediDefender
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #22 on: October 9, 2005, 09:48 PM »
What was the final fate of those two Clone Troopers? Please don't say they're dead... :-\ :'( :'(

Just wait until #16.
Big Damn Hero Productions

"Winter is coming."

Offline CHEWIE

  • Jedi Sentinel
  • *
  • Posts: 14422
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2005, 01:19 AM »
Yep, their fate and the future of several characters in the story will continue to be revealed in #16.  I really hope I can make everyone happy with the next chapter, as I've had some differnet ideas in my head as well as PM's and emails on different ideas everyone has.  Seems like everyone has a different direction they think it should go, so I'm caught somewhere in the middle.  Ultimately, I'll probably go with the feeling I've had all along for the Dathomir plot.  An utter disaster (which has already happened) and a huge battle (which hasn't happened yet) and Rykrof is already in hot water for not following orders in going straight to Dathomir in #13 - Seeds of Betrayal.  Maybe that data cylinder he has can help save his tail if he gets off the planet in one piece.

 :P

Offline jedipurge

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 1216
  • follow me on Instagram: VadersEmpire78
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #24 on: October 11, 2005, 06:29 PM »
a more indepth critique later, but i just finished reading it.  AWESOME.  love the shot of Ventress over her kill, the quick flashback of Maul was a good touch, and the campfire was strickingly realistic looking.  very very impressive stuff.  more later.
Harmless is the most dangerous of perceptions, you never expect it to strike.-Purge

Offline Famine

  • Noderator
  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 5050
  • Who watches The Famine?
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #25 on: October 12, 2005, 11:57 PM »
and the campfire was strickingly realistic looking. 

Thats because Justin set a small fire on his "set" shelf in his Star Wars room. His wife was so furious she made him sleep in the garage for a week. I'm not sure if he's allowed near the stove yet or not. :-\


Kevin
The picture kept, will remind me...

Offline jedipurge

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 1216
  • follow me on Instagram: VadersEmpire78
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #26 on: October 20, 2005, 03:55 PM »
okay chewie here's my 2 cents:  i love all the background stuff, i always try to notice that stuff because to my they give the photo's that much more of a feeling of reality.  for instance the pic of rykrof at the terminal with the laptop thing on the crate, or the pic of rykrof and gang walking through the base the gonk droid laying on his side like he was abandon there in a rush, and all the crate stacked all over the place, where do you get those by the way?  the story was very good definatley makes me look forward too the next chapter.  i not really big on the dooku head throws it off to me.  what's with us guys with the need to poke at the fire with a stick anyway is it like bred into us or something, another good touch gives it more realism instead of them all just sitting there.  in the pic of TK-42 and rykrof talking what is that small crane looking thing you have there in back of them?  is that a driodeka blaster at the end?  recipe?  good touch with the blood on the nightsisters mouth.  painted or effect?  either way she gets more and more scarier.  once again great addition to the story
Harmless is the most dangerous of perceptions, you never expect it to strike.-Purge

Offline Matt_Fury

  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 6255
  • I aim to misbehave.
    • View Profile
    • Every Action Figure Parody has a beginning.
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #27 on: October 22, 2005, 08:13 PM »
Another great episode Chewie.  I am really enjoying the plot which is the main reason your photonovel is so great.

Kind of a shame the pic of Dooku was messed up and you had to photoshop a head into it, that was very distracting.  Other than that, I thought the effects were great, especially the backgrounds....you have a real talent for creating the settings.
Peacekeeper, when it absolutely, positively has to be nuked in 30 minutes or less.  Or the next nuke's free!

Offline CHEWIE

  • Jedi Sentinel
  • *
  • Posts: 14422
    • View Profile
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #28 on: October 23, 2005, 11:10 PM »
Jedipurge -

Thanks for all of the comments/feedback.  I'll try and answer your questions -

For the background stuff, I think that's so important to add into these, so we think alike.  It just adds a sense of realism, which is hard to do with toys!  Also sometimes I add in a digital prop too, like some of the vegetation on the planet.

Those boxes actually game from one of those SAGA accessory sets (the Hoth set I think) and I actually resized a few of them on the screen to add variety.

The Dooku head, I didn't think it was that big of a distraction or I would have changed the pic.  It turned out to be a frustration because the pic I took, his face kept getting washed out by the glare.  So I had to do something, but it didn't turn out too well I guess.  I'm surprised I guess that so many people have commented on it here and at a couple other places too!  Guess though if that many people think so, then I did that pic wrong and it didn't do the story justice.  I was afraid I'd get blasted by my crappy hologram effects actually but that didn't happen.

For the fire scene, yeah I thought it worked out nicely having Rykrof poke around the fire with the stick.  I always do that a lot when I go camping, so I guess he does too.   :)

The small crane is a combination of one of those turrets on Hoth, and a Droideka arm like you said.  I made that about 4 or 5 years ago actually, and just now it shows up in a scene.  Good eye!

Blood on the witch, a little painted, but mostly digital effect.  The next story will be absolutely GORY so no little kids should see it.  Rated PG13 maybe?     :-\


Matt_Fury -

Yeah again, sorry about the Dooku pic.  I screwed that up badly. 

The plot, like you said is what keeps me interested in the story.  It makes myself wonder, how would I handle the situations he is in?  How can I keep the story interesting, but not go overboard with it?  And the main events in Star Wars, how can I tie them into the series without interfering with them? 

Story #16 has officially begun though!  The next two days I should have all the photography taken.  Then I'll need about a week for the effects and changes to the script.  Maybe by Halloween... in fact, that's when I think it should debut.

 :P 

Offline LandotheScoundrel

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 1951
  • Now with winning smile!
    • View Profile
    • Politis Design
Re: RE#15 - Edge of Death
« Reply #29 on: October 24, 2005, 11:24 AM »
AWESOME!!!  :o

Your effects are getting better and better, and the story is becoming more and more epic CHEWIE!

I love that Mon Cal guy. Its great to see customs used in the story, so its not just a story about the figures that Hasbro releases. You've created a very populated universe in your storytelling, and that makes the story so much more interesting.

Keep up the great work!!!
-------------------------------------------------
"Why you slimy, double-crossin' no-good swindler!"

www.politisdesign.com