Author Topic: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR  (Read 4914 times)

Offline Famine

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Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
« Reply #30 on: November 22, 2005, 10:59 PM »
*Deep breath*

Alright, let me first apologise about the delay in my reveiw on this.

Now, I love what you did with this. You totaly made Rycroff and his crew do their damndest to escape. I knew they would make it out, yet I was worried they wouldn't! Thats a very hard thing to do.

I dig the way you had Assajj get punked out by the Sith Witch, and that not everyone made their way out alive.

Now, I'll reveiw #17!

Great job buddy!

Kevin
The picture kept, will remind me...

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
« Reply #31 on: November 23, 2005, 10:27 AM »
Famine, how dare you take this long.   ;)

With how busy you've been with Kevo's, I'm sure this is the least of your concerns!

I'm very glad that you seemed to enjoy this chapter, you're one of the people that inspires me to keep these going.

Glad that it was ok with you having Ventress get her little ass kicked by Siriadne too.

Like you said, #17 is up, and I'll try and get rolling on #18 soon.

 :P

Offline Ryan

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Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
« Reply #32 on: November 27, 2005, 08:12 AM »
I finally found a little break from school and have a chance to comment on this, only a month after its debut. :-X I still owe you reviews for #15, #17, and some of your newer customs as well. I'll try and get on that as soon as possible.

I really enjoyed this chapter; I don't think you could have wrapped the Dathomir series up any better.  :)

Crawl:

The text is very well done, you did a nice job of briefing us on the story and bringing us right back up to speed. And you also didn't give anything away. I still think it would look better if it was in perspective and looked like it was crawling, but that really is just a minor gripe.

Establishing shot:

Nothing fancy about this but it does the trick and it is good that you put it in because it helps remind us where we are and what the situation is. It is nice to keep with SW tradition of opening on a starship as well. :)

Frame 2:

Yet another beautiful establishing shot, and it is a good reminder of what just happened.

Frames 3-5:

You did a great job establishing the scene with the first wide shot, showing the characters and the surrounding area, then you moved in nicely for the close-ups. You did a good job creating some suspense as well. But I'm a little confused as too what exactly got the BDs. I'm pretty sure it was Siriadne, but I thought it could have been Ralbar as well.

Frames 6-8:

Another nice little sequence to draw us back into the story and remind us who Rykrof is running from.

Quote
And although he is confident in his tracking abilities, he knows that if he is unsuccessful, Count Dooku’s disciple will surely eliminate Commander Enloe.

It's probably just me but this line sounds a little awkward. I had to read it through a second time and I got what you were saying. But the first time through it sounded like Snodd didn't want her to catch Rykrof, maybe you could reword that little if you do an SE down the road.

Frames 9-16:

I LOVE this sequence there are some great close-ups here the shot of Freelo hiding in the bush is excellent. As are the shots of Siriadne, she looks like such an abomination. The close-up of her is downright creepy, those eyes scare the **** out of me. I'm glad you showed what happened to Rykrof's clone troopers. I like them and wish they would have survived, but from the perspective of the story you did the right thing killing them off, Siriadne has to kill something.  ;) I liked Briss too, but from the moment we saw him I had the feeling he was going to go, especially after he talks about escaping before, I knew he was toast. The effects look great in this sequence, the shot of the shooting from the bushes is one of my favorites. I really liked that you showed Siriadne eating Briss, she wouldn't have been as scary if we only heard stories of her eating people; actually seeing it makes her that much scarier.


Frames 17-19:

I LOVED this sequence as well. We got a nice little dialogue between Rykrof and Traedon. I really thought he was turning on Rykrof, he raises his blaster at just the right time in the conversation that it was very convincing. This was a great little twist. I'm glad Traedon is still a good guy though. :)

Frames 20-28:

This turns into a nice little action sequence, And I'm Really glad Master Shundi is back, he is a great character. And you made your first PN debut! :) I dig Ralbarr's new threads, and I really like the emotional reunion of Ralbarr and Rykrof, it is good to see more depth in Rykrof (not that you haven't shown that already.)

Frames 29-38:

Man this just keeps getting better and better. Excellent cinematography. I really like Shundi's close up, he looks like quite the bad-ass. You captured Ventress' arrogance perfectly, this story really has an EU feel to it, it doesn't feel like fan-fiction at all. I was glad to see her kicked to the curb by Siridne. The lightning effects you use are getting better and better. And the subtle little facial tweaks really help add some emotion to the scene that wouldn't be there because of the otherwise static faces. The little effect for the force push is excellent, it isn't over the top but you can tell that it is there and that Shundi isn't just jumping backwards.

Frames 39-50:

What a great close to the Dathomir series. There are some really good shots in here, I like the one where Freelo jumps out at Shundi. You sure did give yourself quite the gruesome death, though. :P It was cool to see a rancor one last time. I really like the shot of Ralbarr ducking under the wing, it is the little things like that that really bring these scenes to life. I'm not sure that Shundi should have had a gunship manned with clones though, this wasn't technically a sanctioned mission so I'm not sure he would have been able to use them, a Start Destroyer sure, he would have just said he was going out of is way on a patrol, but I think a gunship is pushing his luck a bit.

Frames 51-52:

Very nice establishing shot yet again. The dialogue in this section is perfect, is very fitting of Dooku and Palpy. I'm not so keen on the effects however. I love the RC background but Dooku's face looks really goofy, I think a re-shoot would have worked better than a digital fix. That little dark box next to Palpy is rather distracting and for some reason that is the first thing I see when I see that shot.

Quote
"He is not important in the grand scheme of things.  Nonetheless, he has gained powerful allies, and may prove to be an asset for the time being.   But he will be dealt with in due time," Lord Sidious replies.

I can't even begin to express how happy that line made me. I'm really glad that Rykrof isn't all of a sudden a key galactic player, but he still has a little impact. I think that that is very important, not everyone can be the Republic's biggest hero or the Confederacy's most hated commander.

Frames 53-54:

Another fantastic establishing shot of the Star Destroyer. I like the subtle engine effects and the camera glare of the closer star. I love how you snuck that SD bridge in there. It looks fantastic. The final dialogue is very nicely done, I think that I would have cleaned Rykrof up a bit and maybe given him a clean pair of clothes and a shower, he  has been stuck on a jungle planet for quite some time, I think it would do everyone some good if he were to shower. that really isn't too important though.

Final Frame:

There is no better way to end this than with the star of the Dathomir series. She is so creepy.


Excellent Chapter I'll get to #15 and #17 as soon as I can, it may take awhile if I write another novel sized review for each of them though. ;)
« Last Edit: November 27, 2005, 08:14 AM by Ryan »
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Offline CHEWIE

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Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
« Reply #33 on: November 29, 2005, 01:56 PM »
Ryan, thanks so much for your review.  Getting feedback like this is just what I need to get me motivated to start on #18, which will be another dark chapter and will probably take up two chapters in the series.  Kind of a big idea in my mind, with a somewhat similar situation to Dathomir, but will have more action in it.

Anyways, in regards to a few questions/comments you had -


( 1 ) The Battle Droids were shot down and destroyed by Ralbarr, Kala Mly Shundi and Kovin.

( 2 )  Regarding Snodd's thoughts, basically all I meant there was that if he doesn't find Rykrof, he's pretty sure that Ventress will.  He thinks that at least one of them will succeed.

( 3 ) Glad that you liked her eating Briss.  Kinda sick, but I wasn't able to get all the effects here I wanted.  But there is always the possibility of a return to Dathomir.   ;)

( 4 ) Yeah, Shundi is probably one of my favorite characters in the series.  But I think he might need a new look sometime.  Do you think so?

( 5 ) I'm very happy that you liked the fight sequence involving Ventress and Siriadne.  I know it wasn't overly dramatic, but I did like having Ventress get schooled by Siriadne.  And Kala waking up later but not being eaten to me shows that Siriadne truly is nuts.  She could have killed him, but wandered off in search for the others.

( 6 )  As for their escape, glad you liked a Rancor being shown again, I felt that if I didn't show another one, I was missing out on a great opportunity.  And as for the Gunship, well I just see it as the Jedi at the time having the authority to order clones to do stuff like that.

( 7 ) I agree on Dooku's face, it looks awful.  So I probably won't be doing that any more.  I don't know where that black box came from, I didn't see it before. Damn!  Maybe I'll redo those pics later on.  Glad you liked that line too, I tried to use it to sum up what is going on.

( 8 ) Glad that you liked the ending.  And don't worry, he's all clean and pretty for the next chapter.   ;)


Thanks again for your review Ryan, I really enjoyed it!

 :P

Offline Deanna Rash

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Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
« Reply #34 on: November 25, 2006, 01:01 PM »
Wow! the effects and pics were incredible ;D I like it!
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