HASBRO ANNOUNCES MINI-HOLOGRAM PLANS FOR 2006 SAGA COLLECTION
Pawtucket, R.I. (AP): Hasbro Toys, Inc., maker of such legendary action toys as M.A.S.K. and Visionairies, announced that it intends to include randomly packaged "holographic" mini-figures in its 2006 Star Wars "Saga Collection" basic action figure line.
"Fans have been going crazy for hologram figures in the last year," Crack Smoking Monkey #12 told the AP in an exclusive statement. "We love to do hologram figures, and by randomly packing them in action figures, it will be like trading cards! Gotta catch 'em all!"
When asked what characters would be made available in this soon-to-be-legendary offering, Hasbro stated that they were not just sticking to the films for their mini hologram figures. "First of all, we will be doing the main characters like Anakin, Spock, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, and Rerun, but we also intend on doing some 'lesser known' characters as holograms, like Wicket the Ewok, Random Cantina Alien #43, and Al Bundy."
Hasbro also stated that there would be a "rare chase hologram" that would be inserted in a random figure in one out of every 37 cases. "We really think that the fans are going to love this concept, because it's going to put the fun back into Star Wars collecting! Yay us! We is brilliant!"
In an unrelated story, a Southern California shopping mall fell into a state of shock when a young man's head exploded. This young man, whose name is not being released at press time, was sitting at an internet cafe posting on an internet message board when his head suddenly became engulfed in flames.
"It were the weirdest thing I done seen" said a local miscreant wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the phrase "EBAY PAYS MY TUITION." The man continued, "As soon as his head exploded, Elvis done come out of the penny fountain and took his body into a spaceship. If I hadn't seen it with my own eye, I never woulda believed it. Can I have my 10 dollars now?"
BREAKING NEWS: The gentlemen who suffered the cranial explosion has since been identified by the name "Matt." More on this story as it develops.