Day 5 at the Mall of America
Elayne takes me to Cereal Adventure, which is a mini theme park run by General Mills, makers of Trix and Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisp.
There is a mini golf course there, as well as an interactive exhibit on how Lucky Charms is made. Here it is shown how the leprechauns are first flayed and then pulped to be turned into the marshmallows. Off to the side are waist-high piles of abandoned little green hats that will be shipped back to Ireland under international treaty.
"Am I the only one who finds this a little bit creepy?" I ask aloud. Elayne ignores me. "You can have your picture taken and put on a box of Wheaties," she says.
That's insane, I say. I can't masturbate to a picture of myself. Where are the Mary Lou Retton boxes?
We then go to the Cereal Adventure Cafe, which claims to have all the General Mills cereals for sale. They have the monster cereals Boo Berry, Count Chocolua, and Frankenberry. I am surprised to learn that they have never heard of Fruit Brute, which featured a werewolf. They have never heard of Yummy Mummy, who was a mummy who was fruit flavored. I wonder if they really have any business running a "cereal adventure" cafe at all.