HASBRO ANNOUNCES A NEW SCALE FOR SUCCESSFUL 'UNLEASHED' STAR WARS LINE!
Pawtucket, RI (AP): Hasbro Toys, known around the world for their inept handling of one license after another, has announced that their popular line of Star Wars: Unleashed is going to be moving into "new" territory: a 2 inch scale of less detailed, less interesting figures under the Unleashed banner.
"We think that the Unleashed line had gone as far as it could in that scale" said Crack Smoking Monkey Number 12. "Due to the unmitigated retail success of the Lord of the Rings "Armies of Middle Earth" line, we felt that we could offer a much better product that could win those hard-earned 2 dollars from the clearance aisle shoppers before they blew it all on Gandalf and his horse."
When asked about the failure of the AOME line, Hasbro said that the line appeared to be a monumental success to them. Hasbro also said that they felt gas prices were about three dollars too low, that the Neimoidian Warrior action figure was the pinnacle of their "Revenge of the Sith" toy collection this year, and that they are all huge Ashlee Simpson fans who are looking forward to her next album and/or tour.
The Unleashed line, which had gained universal praise from not just Star Wars collectors, but also other collectors of the more detailed break-apart sculptures of McFarlane Toys, has seen an increase in secondary-market value for harder to find pieces over the past three years, and an increasing number of collectors who focus specifically on the line. Collector outcry was very loud about the cancellation, though Hasbro would not comment on the collectors, saying that they were aware of the demand for collector contact and that they might just get around to listening to them before "we (Hasbro) kill(s) the line in 2007."
"We feel that the 2 inch Unleashed line will offer more character variety and selection in a short period of time than the 7 inch line has offered overall. Sure, the attraction of the 7 inch line was the detailing and the sculpting, but let's be honest: Who is going to choose a highly detailed 7 inch sculpture over a set of 6 2 inch sculptures that have about as much detail as our Attacktix line, which, incidentally, is selling like gangbusters all over Guam. I mean, really? Six two inch sculptures is 14 inches total, and that's way better than one 7 inch sculpture. Am I right?"
Hasbro also announced that they plan to make the entire Star Wars action figure line exclusive to the retailer Target since their other exclusive items were so well-received. "We've had outstanding feedback from Ebay sellers on the availability of the Target exclusives. Since Wal-Mart is fed up with Star Wars as a whole, we felt that Target would give Ebay sellers the best shot at the SW line as a whole, who could then pass the savings along to the collectors! It's a win-win situation for everyone!"
In an unrelated story, Roger Waters has denied any and all claims of a flying pig being spotted over Pawtucket.