What do you say to the fans who you feel are overly critical of your "work" and "effort" on the Star Wars brand?
Usually we say nothing to them, as they are a small minority of the collecting community, and as we all know, children buy the most Star Wars toys. At least that is what we tell our paid representatives to say on their websites.
Also, what do you say to the people who applaud everything you do whether it's good, bad, or in-between? Do you pay them to hang out on forums and websites to speak for you? Do you wash your balls before they handle them or is that up to their own discretion? 
These are the only people that we truly pay attention to in the collecting community, as their opinion coincides with our own inflated sense of self-satisfaction we get from being the greatest minds on the planet. It is through the overwhelmingly postive feedback from these individuals that we have been able to release such fan favorite items as the Early Bird kit at Wal-Mart, the rereleases of the 1999 CommTech Han Solo action figure, and the awesome Force Battlers line.
Regarding paid representatives, we feel this is the best way to combat the small minority of people who do not believe our farts smell like strawberries. We have managed to install a puppet spokesman at several of the major collecting sites, and one particular site's forums are one of our proudest achievements. All we have to do with some of them is send them a 2 dollar off coupon every month, and they'll do anything we ask.
As for your comment regarding Hasbro's testicles, as we have already stated, we have no balls.
Which came first, the egg or the chicken?
We are proud to announce that due to popular demand, Target will be receiving an Exclusive Barnyard Clone Trooper action figure in 2006! Painted in an eggshell and yolk pattern, this awesome Clone Trooper includes it's own space chicken! Because of this figure being released, it is our contention that the egg came first, since the egg action figure came first, and as you all know, we are the basis for all that occurs throughout the course of human history.
But your skills in doublethink and newspeak are an asset to the Party.
Here at Hasbro, we strive to uphold the highest standards of rhetoric and vagueness. We are glad that you are able to keep your blinders on and appreciate the never-ending perfection we offer in the Star Trek action figure line.
New question: Why have the original 9 POTF2 figures from 1995 not been offered as Target exclusives? I can't wait to get a "Death Star Laser Beam Reflection" Princess Leia using the 1995 sculpt!
I'm glad you asked this question, as it is something we are particularly proud of! Unfortunately, the 1995 Princess Leia sculpt, along with the other 8 figures that came first in the Power of the Force 2 line, have all been placed in the Hasbro Hall of Fame locked cabinet in our corporate HQ as testament to our never-ending genius and wonderousness. Because of these molds not being available at the present time, we are pleased to announce that the entire vintage Ewoks cartoon action figure assortments will be rereleased as Target exclusives! These figures will have "Forest Reflection" that makes each figure appear green (which coincidentally, goes along with our desire to make as much money as possible). Look for them this spring at a Target near you!
Is there really a restaurant at the end of the universe?
Yes, and we are pleased to announce that this restaurant will be receiving the entire Star Wars line as exclusives in 2007. We feel this is the most cost-effective way to get our products to the people that want them. Due to the perils of interstellar travel (which Hasbro invented, by the way), these 2007 figures were shipped in 1997, and will only show up on Ebay in 2015. Stay tuned to Hasbro.com for the latest updates!
Why does Hasbro Canada suck?
At Hasbro, we refuse to condone these theories that there are other areas outside of the United States, and as such, we do not really care about these rampant rumors of other countries. We hope that you will do the right thing and move out of this "Candada" that doesn't even exist and live in the United States of America, the only country on this flat earth that all other planets revolve around!
What the **** was up with that monket face POTF Leia?
We at Hasbro are aware of the demand for this figure, but as stated earlier, the mold for said figure is currently on demand in our Hasbro Hall of Fame display at corporate HQ. We consider this figure to be amongst our finest moments, and the mind-boggling sales at retail confirm this fact. Why, just in 1995 we saw a young man state that the 10 Leias he bought at once would put his kid through college! Even though there is no chance of him having children due to his mass making it impossible to locate his genitalia, much less mate, we know that selling so many Leias at once means we're doing the right thing, and that drives our strategy to this day.
Speaking of monket faced Leia, can we have her as a Target Exclusive Clone Trooper of some kind? I know it would require more effort than a repaint, however I think the fan demand would more than make up for any added costs.
The part of your statement that everyone should notice is that a toy of this type would take effort and that is something that we here at Hasbro cannot do. If you notice, the vast majority of our late 2005 offerings are retailer exclusives that are more or less repainted old molds. We did so because it took us three years to develop the ROTS line as a whole, and after that, we're just pooped. A figure such as Clone Trooper Leia would require us to do a head swap and a removable helmet, and this would stretch our usual Target exclusive figure budget (12 cents) to its limit. I will be happy to pass your comments along to your staff for their consideration, however.
First, will you ever make the much fan-requested Lava Reflection Neimodian Gunner?
At this point, it is too soon to say what 2006 will bring, but you might just get your wish sooner than you think! Stay tuned to Hasbro.com for the latest information!
And Second, Will Saga2 be ALL repacks or some new figures?
There will be some new figures in the line initially (the three from the Pit of Carkoon wave shown at SDCC), but by the middle of the year, we will have gotten lazy again, and the rest of the waves will consist of all repacks. As I referred to earlier, new figures require effort and with no new Star Wars movies, we just really couldn't care less at this point.
And Thinrd, With the recent annoncment of Hasbro rereleasing the EU Cloud Car, will Hasbro rerelease the EU Airspeeder as well?
We're glad you asked this! The Airspeeder will be released in four variant boxes with four variant colors in 2006 as a Kay Bee Toys Exclusive! They will be sold at 29.99 and will include two Neimoidian Warrior action figures, each of whom will have paint variants inserted randomly. By our figuring, there will be up to 25 different combinations of this toy! Best of luck, completists!
You guys suck and I don't buy your sh!t anymore. Last Hasbro purchase I made was months ago.
Thank you very much for the positive feedback! We hope you continue to enjoy our products for years to come. We here at Hasbro pride ourselves in our ability to glean the true meaning behind statements, and although many have told me that your message was nothing but negative, I fail to see anything but your love for our products. So thank you!
