JediDefender.com Forums
Community => Watto's Junk Yard => Topic started by: Matt on January 3, 2006, 01:11 AM
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Day 5 at the Mall of America
Elayne takes me to Cereal Adventure, which is a mini theme park run by General Mills, makers of Trix and Lucky Charms and Cookie Crisp.
There is a mini golf course there, as well as an interactive exhibit on how Lucky Charms is made. Here it is shown how the leprechauns are first flayed and then pulped to be turned into the marshmallows. Off to the side are waist-high piles of abandoned little green hats that will be shipped back to Ireland under international treaty.
"Am I the only one who finds this a little bit creepy?" I ask aloud. Elayne ignores me. "You can have your picture taken and put on a box of Wheaties," she says.
That's insane, I say. I can't masturbate to a picture of myself. Where are the Mary Lou Retton boxes?
We then go to the Cereal Adventure Cafe, which claims to have all the General Mills cereals for sale. They have the monster cereals Boo Berry, Count Chocolua, and Frankenberry. I am surprised to learn that they have never heard of Fruit Brute, which featured a werewolf. They have never heard of Yummy Mummy, who was a mummy who was fruit flavored. I wonder if they really have any business running a "cereal adventure" cafe at all.
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After some reading, I learned that black squirrels are actually quite common in the American Midwest - especially in Coucil Bluffs, Iowa, and Marysville, Kans., which are the twin epicenters of American black squirreldom. And lately, the hearty species has been on the move, gradually radiating toward the coasts. Some speculate they are driven by deforestation. Every schoolchild knows that a squirrel could once run from Greenland to Cuba on a canopy of trees and perhaps now they are intent on taking it back, overrunning us as indeed all nature will someday. And so at least in this sense, the omen of the black squirrel is true.
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Missouri
Nicknames: The Show-Me State, The Prove-It State, The Demonstrate-Your-God-Damned-Thesis State
Motto: "We Demand That It Be Revealed Immediately."
Notes: Most experts agree that everything is up-to-date in Kansas City, Mo. With its seven-story skyscrapers, full telephone service, burlesque theaters, and multiple gas buggies, it has gone about as far as it can go. No further progress will be undertaken.
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HINTS ON BUILDING SNOW FORTS
- Locate snow fort on high ground offering plenty of visibility to surrounding terrain.
- Mound a square or circular enclosure of snow walls that are wider than they are tall.
- An armory of spare snowballs may be stacked in a pyramid in the center. This pyramid is also good for the secret storage of vodka or, if defeat is certain, cyanide capsules.
- Making use of an actual, existing army fort or tower guarantees success but is considered unsporting.
- Underground tunnels should be supported by stout beams. Glass bricks are no longer fashionable.
- Watch out for wampas.
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PROHIBITION-ERA EUPHEMISMS FOR ALCOHOL
The noble experiment of 1920-1933 didn't stop anyone from drinking, of course. But the dubious quality of bootleg liquor and homemade toadstool hooch21 did cause sufficient brain damage among the speakeasy set such that simple, useful descriptors were maniacally replaced with the zippy, jazz-age lingo of the insane. Broadway was "That Great Glowing Gulch of Drowning Dreams," tough guys were "gorillas," and gorillas were "mega-chimps." But by far the greatest number of euphemisms was reserved for booze itself, that "numbing nectar of the old alcohol tree!" Here are some of the more famous. . .
Devil's tears
Sleepy syrup
Zip sauce
Hop tallow
Trance juice
Grain guzzle
Massage oil
Mystery nip
Irish vinegar
French mayonnaise
Brain shellac
Distillate of dreamtime
Jazz chowder
Fairy pee
Corn cologne
Washcloth wringings
Genuine gin-flavored beverage
The sweet tonic of olde
That slippery serum
Romulan ale
Near beer
Stutter milk
Juniper ****
Antimatter
Stun gravy
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PROHIBITION-ERA EUPHEMISMS FOR ALCOHOL
Here are some of the more famous. . .
Romulan ale
At the risk of ruining your consecutive post streak (due apologies but at least you know someone is reading)...
Does anyone know the etymology of this, or is the author simply having fun and seeing if anyone is indeed following along?
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Sorry Brent, me thinks it's a misprint. It should be Corellian ale.
That's insane, I say. I can't masturbate to a picture of myself.
If I had a dollar for everytime I thought that...
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JOKES THAT HAVE NEVER PRODUCED LAUGHTER
(#2)
A priest, a rabbi, and a nonreligious person are flying across the Atlantic Ocean, all for different reasons. There is engine trouble, and one of the wings catches on fire. The plane starts to go down. Luckily, there are enough parachutes for everyone. Evacuation is orderly.
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That's insane, I say. I can't masturbate to a picture of myself.
If I had a dollar for everytime I thought that...
Jaysus Jesse, don't even get me started on your Avatar..........
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OMG! Did I just say that out loud?!? :-X
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WTF is this thread about?
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WTF is this thread about?
I could be wrong, but I think it's a collection of random passages from John Hodgman's book, "The Areas of My Expertise."
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DIVERSIONS FOR THE ASTHMATIC CHILD WHO CANNOT PLAY IN THE SNOW
But suppose you are an asthmatic child, unsuited for play in cold weather, or for labor in the chimneys, or as a sewer lackey. There are still any number of indoor amusements that will not overtax the lungs or the inhaler. For example . . .
- Inhaler whittling
- Fabrication of elaborate kites that shall never be flown
- Pill-swapping
- Bird-loathing
- Lying on the floor and staring at the ceiling
- Finding new quiet radio programs to listen to
- Hiding
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I am surprised to learn that they have never heard of Fruit Brute, which featured a werewolf. They have never heard of Yummy Mummy, who was a mummy who was fruit flavored. I wonder if they really have any business running a "cereal adventure" cafe at all.
Jack Handey, is that you??
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I thought we were getting a beyond the grave visit from Andy Kauffman.
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Are you goofing on Elvis?
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Finally the president knew there was only one way to end the hoboes' march across the blighted land: polio. Alone in his secret White House lab, Roosevelt created a concentrated serum of the dreaded disease that would be placed in the nation's water supply by the Tennessee Valley Authority. According to his contemporaries, Roosevelt was tortured by this decision. He knew that a certain number of non-hobo citizens would spend the rest of their lives in iron lungs as a result of his actions, but it would finally put a stop to the wandering people--starting at their feet and ending at their waists.
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sounds like a waste of a book
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the first of seventy installments.)
1. Stewbuilder Dennis
2. Cholly the Yegg
3. Holden the Expert Dreamtwister
4. The Rza
5. Jack Skunk
6. Jack Skunk Fils
7. Lord Dan X. Still-Standing
8. Marlon Fitz-Fancy
9. Bazino Bazino, The Kid Whose Hair Is On Fire
10. Whispering-Lies McGruder
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Was this guy on the Daily Show a couple months ago?
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the second of seventy installments.)
11. Nil Louse
12. Dan'l Dinsmore Tackadoo
13. Hobo Zero
14. The Silver Jacket Man
15. No-Shoulders Smalltooth Jones
16. Sistery Brothery Nabob
17. Name Withheld
18. Staniel the Spaniel
19. Frederick Bannister, the Tree Surgeon
20. Tarnose Cohen
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the third of seventy installments.)
21. Mr. Wilson Fancypants
22. Floyd Dangle
23. Shane Stoopback
24. Wicked Paul Fourteen-Toes
25. Normal-Faced Olaf
26. Tearbaby Hannity Stoop
27. The Damned Swede
28. Pierre Tin-Hat
29. Ol' Barb Stab-You-Quick
30. Mr. Whist
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the fourth of seventy installments.)
31. James Fenimore Cooper
32. Twistback John, the Scoliosis Sufferer
33. Sweet Daddy Champagne
34. Senator Cletus Scoffpossum
35. Horus, the Bird-Headed Fool
36. 50-Tooth Slim
37. Monk, the Monkey Man (which is to say: "the Man")
38. Thad the Bunter
39. Balloonpopper Chillingsworth
40. All-but-Dissertation Tucker Dummychuck
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But then came Pearl Harbor. Some say Roosevelt knew the Japanese would attack that infamous December 7th. The truth is, he didn't. But the hoboes did. And as the tragic war that followed put a final end to the Great Depression, so too did it put an end to the hobo war. As quickly as they had come, the hoboes mysteriously disappeared. No one knows where they went, or why. Some say they found patriotism in their hearts, joining the war against a common enemy. Others say they went to the stars or to another dimension. And still others say they live on today, moving quietly from town to town, preparing for the time when their great chicken-bone and moonshine empire will rise again. Is it possible? No, because historians agree that they almost certainly went to the stars.
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I am so looking forward to the thirty-seventh installment of SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
I have this sneaky feeling that Hobo Name 363 is going to rock (although it will be hard to top "Sweet Daddy Champagne").
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I am so looking forward to the thirty-seventh installment of SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
I have this sneaky feeling that Hobo Name 363 is going to rock (although it will be hard to top "Sweet Daddy Champagne").
I guess you can throw away that copy of A 1001 Baby Names then -- "Sweet Daddy Champagne" has a nice ring to it. There are 699 more to choose from for baby B.......... ;)
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FAST FACTS ABOUT PHILADELPHIA
--The word "Philadelphia," from the Greek, literally means "Pennsylvania."
--It has the highest number, per capita, of Benjamin Franklin impersonators in the country.
--Someday all of the Benjamin Franklin impersonators will fight all of the Mark Twain impersonators, flooding valleys and destroying whole towns in their wake, until nothing is left.
--Harrison Ford lives here and protects Amish children.
--Bryn Mawr College, a small but esteemed school of witchcraft and wizardry in the city's western suburbs, is sometimes visible by day.
--Philadelphia is at the cutting edge of some of today's most exciting new developments in sandwich technology. The sandwiches here are so large and complex and sublime that they contain whole philosophies. Some have the complete oral traditions of several ancient cultures hidden within the roll alone.
--Philadelphia was one of the thirteen East Coast cities called "home" by Edgar Allen Poe, and it was here that he hosted the first of his many Christmas Literary Extravaganzas. Held in 1839, it was, by contemporary accounts, a grand affair, involving feats of literary memorization and drunken sword canery, and a chorus line of murderous orangutans. Poe was dressed as Santa Claus, but at this point in his career this was hardly unusual. After reciting "Tamerlane," he famously brought out his child bride Virginia and seated her on his lap. "What would you like from Santa this year?" he asked. And she replied, "The modern detective story." And so he invented it then and there, writing "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" using only a checkerboard, a bottle of brandy, and a map of Paris. At this point, the police chased Poe back to Baltimore.
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Hodgman managed to get in a Lobot reference on the Daily Show tonight. I instantly thought of you Matthew.
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WERE YOU AWARE OF IT?
You know all the famous myths about our nation's first president: that he wove his first wig himself from the hairs of the dog he killed so his family could eat. That he rid our nation of the plague of cherry trees. That beneath his gloves he had the giant, hairy paws of a bear. That he was our nation's first president. These are all charming tales.
But were you aware that George Washington. . .
. . .grew hemp?
. . .distilled his own rye whiskey?
. . .smoked 70 cigars a day?
. . .had a rudimentary crystal meth lab in the basement of Mount Vernon?
. . .kept a laudanum-soaked wad of cotton in his cheek at all times?
. . .was turned on to hashish by Sally Fairfax, the wife of his best friend, whom he would love from afar for the rest of his life?
. . .delivered his farewell address at Fraunces Tavern while high on Madeira and Red Bull?
. . .ate 25 grains of French ecstasty daily "as a digestive"?
. . .wrote A Book of Etiquette at the age of sixteen, including a final admonition to: "Labor to keep alive in your breast the little spark of celestial fire called 'cocaine?'"
. . .had false teeth that were not made out of wood but other human teeth?
HOW COULD YOU BE AWARE OF IT IF THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!!!??
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Are the hobo names still in our future? I'm anxious to read installment 5 of 70.
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--1932: Proving once again its old nickname, "The City That Will Not Learn from Its Errors," New York City actually imports several lobsters for display in the Central Park Zoo. The lobsters, however, rarely leave their cave, and when they do, they pace relentlessly back and forth. Zoological analysts determine that the lobsters are depressed. The lobsters are given toys to play with, small staircases to leap up, and mice to chase. Several games are developed to relieve them of their melancholy, one of which eventually becomes the board game "Monopoly." The lobsters are excellent players, and usually choose the top hat.
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the fifth of seventy installments.)
41. Finnish Jim
42. Flemish Jim
43. Foreign Tomas, the Strangetalker
44. Roadhouse Ogilvy and Sons
45. Jokestealer John Selden
46. Giancarlo, Master of the Metal Trapeze
47. Dr. Bill Stain-Chin, the Boxcar Medic
48. Boxcar Ted
49. Boxcar Mick
50. Boxcars [sic] Timothy Twin
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And most critics agree that in literature, there are five primal conflicts. These are:
-Man versus man
-Man versus nature
-Man versus society
-Man versus himself
-Man versus cyborgs
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the sixth of seventy installments.)
51. Boxcar Jones, the Boxcar Benjamin Disraeli
52. Boxcar Aldous Huxley
53. JR Lintstockings
54. Gila Monster, Jr.
55. Irontrousers the Strong
56. "X," the Anonymous Man or Woman
57. Orphaned Reynaldo, the Child with Haunting Eyes (while there were children hoboes, Reynaldo took this name when he was 45; prior to this, he was known as. . .)
58. Reynaldo Reynaldoson, Who Will One Day Kill His Father
59. Thoughtless Harry Hsu
60. Clinical Psychiatrist Hugo Rivera
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the seventh of seventy installments.)
61. Peter Ox-Hands
62. Ponytail Douglas Winthrop
63. Lil' Jonny Songbird, the Songbird-Eater
64. King Snake: the Eternal Mystery
65. Ghostly Nose Silvie
66. Fonzie
67. DiCapa the Hound
68. Beef-or-Chicken Bob Nubbins
69. Honest Amelia Dirt
70. Slow Motion Jones
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the eighth of seventy installments.)
71. Canadian Football Pete
72. Meep Meep, the Italian Tailor
73. Jonathan William Coulton, the Colchester Kid
74. Maria the Pumpkin-Patch Crooner
75. Bix Shmix
76. Vice President Garrett Hobart
77. Stun Gun Jones
78. Prostate Davey
79. Flea Stick
80. Niles Butterball, the Frozen Turkey
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Niles Butterball, the frozen turkey, must be a dead hobo - found in an alley sometime in January (Michigan or thereabouts)?
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the ninth of seventy installments.)
81. Todd Four-Flush
82. Stick-Legs McOhio
83. The Unanswered Questions of Timothy
84. Mickey the Assistant Manager
85. Guesstimate Jones
86. Goofus
87. Gallant
88. Sir Roundbelly DeDelight
89. Newton Fig
90. Chicken Nugget Will
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the tenth of seventy installments.)
91. Parlor Peter, the Sneak Thief
92. Ovid
93. Bathsheba Ditz
94. Alan Pockmark, Esq.
95. Lolly Hoot Holler
96. Von Skump
97. Lonnie Choke
98. Chisolm Chesthair
99. Freak Le Freak, the Freakster
100. Rex Spangler, the Bedazzler
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the eleventh of seventy installments.)
101. Randall Mouth-Harp
102. Chrysler LeBaron
103. The Fishin' Physician
104. Persuasive Frederick
105. Celestial Stubbs
106. Teary-Eyed Fingal
107. Mairah Nix
108. Cthulhu Carl
109. Del Folksy-Beard
110. No-Banjo Burnes
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This book is a free download right now on iTunes...
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Holy sweet Zeus...I've been amused by the random passages, but this book does not lend itself to the audio treatment. I listened for about 45 minutes and wanted to take a nailgun to my temple.
I think I'll buy the book to set on the counter next to the john, though. It's hilarious in 3-5 minute doses.
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twelfth of seventy installments.)
111. Chainmail Giles Godfrey
112. Lois "Charles" Ladyfinger
113. Plausible Zane Scarrey
114. Huckle Smothered
115. MmmmmDandy Dundee
116. Mountain-Humper Edgar Ames
117. Spasmodic Hilary
118. Doc Aquatic
119. Molly Bewigged
120. Cincinnati O'Gurk
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It's hilarious in 3-5 minute doses.
How about 7-12 minutes?
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It's hilarious in 3-5 minute doses.
How about 7-12 minutes?
Nah, I only take that long when I'm "reading" Playboy.
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the thirteenth of seventy installments.)
121. Metuchen O'Sullivan
122. Cherry Hill O'Manley
123. Cheesequake O'Lennox
124. Booper O'Montauk
125. Zaxxon Galaxian
126. Drinky Drunky Thom, the Drunk
127. Terry Gross
128. Spooky-Night Spooky Day
129. Zipgun Gloucester Gluck
130. Human Hair Frum
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I am so looking forward to the thirty-seventh installment of SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
I have this sneaky feeling that Hobo Name 363 is going to rock (although it will be hard to top "Sweet Daddy Champagne").
Still waiting... just 24 installments to go!
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the fourteenth of seventy installments.)
131. Sherlock-Holmes-Hat Carl III
132. Patrick Intergalactic
133. Ambidextrous Stang
134. Yum-Yum Sinclair Snowballeater
135. Ponzi-Scheme Jeremiah Ponzi
136. Toodles Strunk
137. Monkeybars Matthew Manx
138. Pineneedle-Jacket Jericho Fop
139. Robert the Tot
140. Robert the Child-Size
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the fifteenth of seventy installments.)
141. Robert the Minuscule
142. Robert the Wee
143. Robert Fits-in-a-Case
144. Robert Eats-for-Free
145. Robert Is-He-an-Elf? (The seven Silk brothers, all named Robert, were also known for their small stature and predictable bitterness.)
146. Dennis Big-Ear Fox
147. Jethro the Pagan
148. Asterix the Gaul
149. Black Bolt, King of the Inhumans
150. Strictly Local Henry Bobtail
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thought i'd help with the official illustrations:
141. Robert the Minuscule
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/162049991.jpg)
142. Robert the Wee
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/248732777.jpg)
143. Robert Fits-in-a-Case
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/321001483.jpg)
144. Robert Eats-for-Free
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/162923667.jpg)
145. Robert Is-He-an-Elf? (The seven Silk brothers, all named Robert, were also known for their small stature and predictable bitterness.)
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/69125310.jpg)
146. Dennis Big-Ear Fox
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/103912775.jpg)
147. Jethro the Pagan
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/213704604.jpg)
148. Asterix the Gaul
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/198410756.jpg)
149. Black Bolt, King of the Inhumans
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/57160674.jpg)
150. Strictly Local Henry Bobtail
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/270907664.jpg)
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the sixteenth of seventy installments.)
151. Manny the High-Ranking Mason
152. Fry-Pan Jim Fry
153. Slo-Mo Deuteronomy
154. Half-Bearded Mark
155. Knee-Brace Kenny
156. Morris the Personal Trainer
157. Thundertwine
158. Cleats Onionpocket
159. Deformed Abe
160. Trainwhistle Abejundio
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the seventeenth of seventy installments.)
161. David No-Ears
162. Achilles Snail-Hair the Buddha
163. Frog-Eatin' Lou
164. Admiral's Club Wilbur
165. Max Meatboots, the First-Class Lounger
166. Dora the Explorer
167. Ms. Mary Manx, the Tailless Cat
168. Free-Peanuts Doug
169. Steve the Human Tunneler
170. Redball Charlie Dickens
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again, the accompanying illustrations:
161. David No-Ears
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/388671452.jpg)
162. Achilles Snail-Hair the Buddha
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/278317372.jpg)
163. Frog-Eatin' Lou
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/92883733.jpg)
164. Admiral's Club Wilbur
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/217506192.jpg)
165. Max Meatboots, the First-Class Lounger
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/281840093.jpg)
166. Dora the Explorer
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/165867306.jpg)
167. Ms. Mary Manx, the Tailless Cat
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/229597085.jpg)
168. Free-Peanuts Doug
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/120571739.jpg)
169. Steve the Human Tunneler
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/376016817.jpg)
170. Redball Charlie Dickens
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/281840335.jpg)
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the eighteenth of seventy installments.)
171. Twink the Reading-Room Snoozer
172. Microfiche Roy, the Side-Scroller
173. McGurk, Who May Be Found by the Card Catalogue
174. Booster D'Souza
175. Commodore Sixty-Four
176. Moped Enid, the Mopedist
177. Lamant the Junkman
178. Fast-Neck Nell
179. Bill Never-Uses-a-Cookbook
180. Bee-Beard
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Once more, the matching illustrations:
171. Twink the Reading-Room Snoozer
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/223889784.jpg)
172. Microfiche Roy, the Side-Scroller
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/223889791.jpg)
173. McGurk, Who May Be Found by the Card Catalogue
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/150873908.jpg)
174. Booster D'Souza
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/305728303.jpg)
175. Commodore Sixty-Four
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/119577180.jpg)
176. Moped Enid, the Mopedist
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/247892050.jpg)
177. Lamant the Junkman
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/216924944.jpg)
178. Fast-Neck Nell
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/222821948.jpg)
179. Bill Never-Uses-a-Cookbook
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/305728470.jpg)
180. Bee-Beard
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/113446088.jpg)
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BRIEF LIVES OF SOME NOTABLE HOBOES
KARL MALDEN
Young Karl Sekulovich, of Gary, Indiana, was an itinerant steelworker and boxcar poet for years before becoming a famous film and television star. As a hobo, he took the name "Kaveman Karl" and was known for hosting hobo stomp dances on his enormous nose. He was drawn to the stage in the late thirties, when hoboes were enjoying something of a vogue on Broadway, starring in such hobo-themed shows as Railbirds! and A Streetcar Named Desire. Later in his career, he became the American Express spokesperson, immortalizing the line "Never leave home without it, especially if you plan to forever lead a nomad's life on the hard hobo road, dodging the bulls and sleeping in makeshift hobo jungles and eating only beans, paste, and freedom."
Michael Douglas, his young costar in The Streets of San Francisco, recalled once that Malden would often take him aside and encourage a life of hoboism on the young star.
As Douglas told Rolling Stone in 1979: "Malden would say, 'Come on, brother! Let's leave all of this star stuff behind and go a-roamin'!' But that was never my trip, and he knew it. And then Karl would gaze out the window, with this sad look on his face. I used to think he was just staring stupidly the way old people do sometimes. Now I think he was probably looking at the scenery, angry that it wasn't moving."
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again, the accompanying illustrations:
170. Redball Charlie Dickens
(http://e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/281840335.jpg)
i am glad this one is what it is and didn't take a turn for the worse showing exactly why they call him redball.
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the nineteenth of seventy installments.)
181. Lil' Max Meatboots
182. The Personal Secretary to Jed
183. Dee Snider
184. Sausage Patty
185. Desert Locust
186. Gummy Miles
187. Gyppo Moot, the Enigma Machine
188. Ol' Stiffpants
189. Skywise the Sexual Elf
190. Craine T. Eyebrow-Smeller
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twentieth of seventy installments.)
191. Lonely Heiney Alan Meister
192. Shakey Aitch the Boneyard Concierge
193. Woody Damn
194. Alatar
195. Pallando
196. Saltfish Bunyan
197. Poor, Poor, Poor Charlie Short
198. Venomous Byron
199. Five-Chambered-Stomach Mort St. John
200. Gravybelly Dunstan
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And again, your visual accompaniments:
191. Lonely Heiney Alan Meister
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/229738537.jpg)
192. Shakey Aitch the Boneyard Concierge
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/198325236.jpg)
193. Woody Damn
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/221761666.jpg)
194. Alatar
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/333007875.jpg)
195. Pallando
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/333007877.jpg)
196. Saltfish Bunyan
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/234548647.jpg)
197. Poor, Poor, Poor Charlie Short
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/66032794.jpg)
198. Venomous Byron
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/247892156.jpg)
199. Five-Chambered-Stomach Mort St. John
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/80631941.jpg)
200. Gravybelly Dunstan
(http://www.e-hobo.com/images/hoboes/297357002.jpg)
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twenty-first of seventy installments.)
201. Extra-Skin Dave
202. Beanbag-Chair Bill
203. Grant Sharpnails, the Scratcher
204. Tommy Lice-Comb
205. "Medicated Shampoo" Jonah Jump
206. General Woundwort, the Giant Rabbit
207. Genius L. Cravat, the Gentleman
208. Giant Bat Wings Roland
209. Nick Nolte
210. Salty Salty Friday
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209. Nick Nolte
For the win.
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209. Nick Nolte
For the win.
He never really got out of that Down and Out in Beverly Hills role did he?
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twenty-second of seventy installments.)
211. Fatman and the Creature (note: there was no creature)
212. Cecelia Graveside
213. Hoosegow Earl French
214. Stymie Stonewrist
215. Roadrunner "Meep Meep" Fabong
216. Bruised-Rib Johansson, the Beefer
217. Joachim Bat-in-Hair
218. Food-Eating Micah
219. Rubbery Dmitry, the Mad Monk
220. Honey Bunches of Donald
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twenty-third of seventy installments.)
221. Crispy Morton
222. Feminine Forearms Rosengarten
223. Two-Headed Mike Hoover
224. Manny Stillwaggon, the Man with the Handlebar Eyebrows
225. Bean-Hoarder Newt
226. Texas Emil
227. The Moor of Venice
228. Averroes Nix
229. Human Hair Blanket Morris Burnes
230. Canadian Paul Tough
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I'll lay you 10-1 you've been drinking.
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I am so looking forward to the thirty-seventh installment of SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
I have this sneaky feeling that Hobo Name 363 is going to rock (although it will be hard to top "Sweet Daddy Champagne").
Still waiting... just 24 installments to go!
Stll waiting... just 14 installments to go!
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I bet we are going to die of old age before this is done.
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About time for an update, no?
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twenty-fourth of seventy installments.)
231. Crooner Sy
232. Manuel Pants-Too-High
233. Sylvia Patience Hidden-Forks
234. Sung, the Land Pirate
235. Opie, the Boston Bum
236. Hard-Flossing Hope Peak
237. Stingo the Bandana Origami Prodigy
238. Franklin Ape and His Inner Ear Infection
239. Questionable-Judgment Theodore Stomachbrace
240. Thermos H. Christ
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Whoa, slow down there Matt. I can hardly take all this in with less than 2 years between updates.
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SEVEN HUNDRED HOBO NAMES
(This being the twenty-fifth of seventy installments.)
241. Sir Mix-a-Lot
242. The Nine Doctor Whos
243. Lord Winston Two-Monocles
244. The Freewheelin' Barry Sin
245. Diego the Spark-Spitter
246. American Citizen Zane Pain
247. Abraham, the Secret Collector of Decorative China
248. Linty Sullivan, the Lint-Collector
249. Socks Monster
250. Ma Churchill
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Whoa, slow down there Matt. I can hardly take all this in with less than 2 years between updates.
Well that's attention to detail.