JediDefender.com Forums
Collecting => Customs => Photonovels and Movies => Topic started by: CHEWIE on December 28, 2005, 02:52 AM
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(http://chewie34.250free.com/121905DarkExchange.jpg)
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark1.jpg)
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark2.jpg)
After months of endless fighting, several Republic Assault Cruisers encircle the war torn planet, Kobridon.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark3.jpg)
With numbers on their side, the droid armies of the Separatists continue to repel the attacks of the Republic.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark4.jpg)
As the casualties mount, the clone soldiers have begun to take defensive positions in the ongoing battle.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark5.jpg)
Under the leadership of Commander Rykrof Enloe, the Republic has held ground on a number of occasions when defeat seemed inevitable.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark6.jpg)
Although the battle against the droid army has taken precedence, Rykrof is all too aware that throughout the battle zone dozens of Badoo Corba snipers patiently wait to eliminate open targets.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark7.jpg)
After a long night of repelling aerial bombardments, Ralbarr, Freelo and Kala Mly Shundi eagerly wait for a scheduled meeting with Rykrof as they discuss the grave situation they have found themselves in.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark8.jpg)
“Here he comes!” Freelo exclaims with joy.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark9.jpg)
“Where did you find that armor Freelo? You look like a Corellian tortoise,” Rykrof laughs.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark10.jpg)
As Ralbarr laughs at Rykrof’s friendly joke, Freelo mumbles under his breath his disappointment in sitting back at the command center while his friends fight on the front line.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark11.jpg)
“There will come a time Freelo,” Rykrof says. “But this isn’t the place for it. I just spoke with General Ti,” he says as he beckons to Master Shundi. “We’re making our move at 0900 hours.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark12.jpg)
“But I want to go with you,” Freelo says.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark13.jpg)
“You and Ralbarr are staying here. Besides, we need someone to watch over the base in case the droids counterstrike,” Rykrof counters.
“A good plan. The Wookiee is a formidable opponent. He should stay here with Freelo,” Master Shundi agrees.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark14.jpg)
Rykrof then meets with Jedi Master Shaak Ti prior to the scheduled assault.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark15.jpg)
“With the main force striking the heart of the droid army, it should distract our enemies for you to locate and arrest the Quarren traitor,” the Jedi says. “If our information is correct, the Yam’rii scavenger in the eastern square may reveal the location to you that we need.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark16.jpg)
Soon, the Republic encampment begins to deploy its troops…
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark17.jpg)
And the order is given to attack.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark18.jpg)
The droid army is well prepared for an attack however as they unleash a barrage of blaster fire.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark19.jpg)
To Shaak Ti’s surprise, the droid army charges forward to meet the assault.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark20.jpg)
Meanwhile, back at the command center, Freelo expresses his discouragement to Ralbarr.
“We should be on the front line,” Freelo says. “What good are we doing sitting back here while Rykrof is never here with us?”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark21.jpg)
Suddenly a sniper blast strikes Freelo squarely in the chest…
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark22.jpg)
In a flash, Ralbarr fires a shot in the direction of the blast…
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark23.jpg)
With lightning precision, the mighty Wookiee eliminates the Badoo Corba assassin.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark24.jpg)
Ralbarr then scans the area for additional attackers before checking on Freelo.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark25.jpg)
The Mon Calamari then springs up from the ground.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark26.jpg)
“I’m alive! We’ll have to tell Rykrof about this! Next time he’ll think twice before being critical of me!”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark27.jpg)
Meanwhile, Rykrof and Kala Mly Shundi lead a small group of clone troopers to the rubble of the eastern square.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark28.jpg)
As most mornings, the Yam’rii scavenger is found rummaging through the debris, looking for salvageable parts for resale.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark29.jpg)
Just as Master Ti foresaw, the insectoid alien is receptive to helping the cause of the Republic.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark30.jpg)
“A Quarren you seek? Search the abandoned warehouse that is located south of the pumping station,” she says in a chirpy voice. “It is the one with the wooden door. I have seen... a Quarren, a Twi’lek, a young human female, and... and many others entering that location just last evening. But be careful. Terrorists occupy that area in far greater numbers than you have in your gathering.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark31.jpg)
“You have our gratitude,” Kala Mly Shundi says. “Finding this traitor will help the Republic liberate this planet from both the droid army and the insurgency. No longer will he sell information to the Badoo Corba.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark32.jpg)
Less than one hour later, Rykrof’s group locates the abandoned warehouse.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark33.jpg)
Once inside, the group cautiously explores a large cell.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark34.jpg)
And see the back of what appears to be their target.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark35.jpg)
“Something’s wrong,” Rykrof says.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark36.jpg)
The group slowly moves closer to the Quarren.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark37.jpg)
Suddenly a cold sweat breaks out throughout Rykrof’s body as one of his troops walks to the side of the seated alien.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark38.jpg)
Dead!
“This wound is recent,” Kala Mly Shundi observes. “An hour ago, the traitor was alive. His usefulness to the Badoo Corba must have run out.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark39.jpg)
Suddenly the data monitor on the workstation chimes to life and reveals the image of a young woman lying in an alleyway.
“Sir, this looks like it's intended for us,” one of the clones says.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark40.jpg)
As he views the screen, a sickness comes over Rykrof unlike any he has ever felt. More powerful than the culmination of every fear he has previously experienced in his life.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark41.jpg)
On the screen he sees the body of his dear wife, Alyssa. Unconscious? Dead? Either way, Rykrof knows she has somehow been abducted from their home on Naboo and is now in mortal danger.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark42.jpg)
“I present a welcoming gift to you for visiting Kobridor!” an evil, familiar face laughs. “In exchange for her life, the Badoo Corba offers to take her husband into custody. When my men arrive to pick him up at your present location, he will be alone and unarmed.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark41a.jpg)
As Rykrof listens carefully to every word, he can barely believe what he is hearing.
“She is a several minute sprint east of this location,” the cruel voice says. “In exactly 12 minutes my snipers will implode her beautiful skull. You have until that time to find and rescue her. The Jedi must accompany your clone troopers but I suggest you leave now. Any attempts at trickery and she will be promptly terminated.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark43.jpg)
“Rykrof, I will stay here with you,” Kala Mly Shundi says solemnly.
“No, we have no time to discuss this. We do exactly as they say,” Rykrof replies calmly. “Find my wife. Get her out of here. And promise me you’ll protect her and if my son is alive, that you will see to it that he is secure.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark44.jpg)
Torn apart by emotion, Kala Mly Shundi and the clone troopers take one last look at Rykrof; knowing this may be the final time they see the brave commander.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark45.jpg)
“Just go,” he whispers. “Please go.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark46.jpg)
Minutes later, Master Shundi’s clones locate Alyssa with under a minute to spare before the designated time limit.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark47.jpg)
The young woman begins to gain her bearings thanks to a Jedi alertness technique employed by Master Shundi.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark48.jpg)
“They have her. We must leave immediately.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark49.jpg)
“Yes,” Troffar replies to the Aqualish watchman. “Inform Master Fuuda our objective is complete.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark50.jpg)
Back at the warehouse, Rykrof meets a new, yet familiar face.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark51.jpg)
“You fool!” Mubaas Fuuda hisses. “My brother may have underestimated you, but I have captured you effortlessly!”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark52.jpg)
“Soon the Republic will meet our demands to leave the Outer Rim, or I will teach you the true meaning of pain and suffering!”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark53.jpg)
“Nothing you do to me will help you,” Rykrof says. “You are as big of a fool as Trigg. Your message of hate will never inspire people to follow your cause.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark54.jpg)
“Take him away!” Muubas yells.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark55.jpg)
Minutes later, Freelo and Ralbarr observe several terrorist ships blast their way off the planet.
“They escaped!” Freelo says. “I’m sure Rykrof will not be happy.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark56.jpg)
Meanwhile, General Shaak Ti continues the main battle against the droid army.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark57.jpg)
And finally defeats the remnants of the mindless killing machines.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark58.jpg)
Feeling pain throughout her exhausted body, the Jedi observes the aftermath of the battle.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark59.jpg)
“Heavy losses,” she laments while favoring a blaster wound. “But a much needed victory. I hope the others were successful in their part.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark60.jpg)
Soon after, the citizens begin to emerge from their shelters and grasp the task at hand in rebuilding their planet.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark61.jpg)
Few surviving clones remain to celebrate their narrow victory, but not all survivors feel victory was attained at all.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark62.jpg)
Still in shock, Alyssa Enloe explains how the Badoo Corba secretly kidnapped her. Though she grieves for her husband, her primary concern is for her son on Naboo.
“I have to get back to Caldin,” she cries.
“Your little tubby will be ok,” Freelo says in a vain attempt to comfort her. “I find myself focusing on what horrible things they are going to do to your husband.”
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark63.jpg)
Master Shaak Ti then approaches a disheartened Jedi Master.
(http://chewie34.250free.com/dark64.jpg)
“I failed the commander... I went back immediately, but they had taken him,” Kala Mly Shundi cries.
“I sense fear and anger in you, Kala. You must cleanse your soul of these dark feelings. Regardless of what you think, you did the right thing my friend,” she softly says. “But his destiny is out of our control. It always has been. His life is in the hands of the Force.”
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 19 - REDEMPTION
I hope you guys all like this chapter, it was a fun one to work on but took longer than I thought it would to make. Using more "real sets" again has been a lot of fun. And thanks to Spectre for the image of the Badoo Corba ship he let me use.
:P
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CHEWIE - another brilliant chapter in the R.E. saga! The staging for the main battle and the side mission were exceptional. Seriously, exceptional. You did kind of spoil that R.E. was doomed to falling into B.C. hands, but I didn't feel like knowing that took away from the story at all.
The number of custom figs in this one seemed to be so great. Almost everyone was a fairly involved custom project of its own save the Clones and Battle Droids. All the better to add realism to the other-worldliness of the chapter.
I thought the action was paced well, and I thought the lulls were effective. I like how Freelo's getting a bit of an edge while maintaining his quirkiness (his last comment to A.E. was priceless) :)
I also liked the final consult between the Jedi. It added some gravitas to R.E.'s circumstance that will carry into the next chapter.
Well done, CHEWIE. You have yet to disappoint!
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BEST one yet.As always I love your storyline.Now I think I know why you made that beat-up Rykrof.
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Glad to see your work again, CHEWIE
The real sets look great. Really pleased to see you are using them more now. IMO, they add more realism to your story.
Your customs are excellent as usual. Freelo, Rykrof, Shaak Ti and the others are all perfect renditions during the Clone Wars. Shundi is my favorite and I would buy him easily.
I am assuming you used your new camera for these shots. They are much clearer and the colors are a lot better. Great work on the photography
I only have two things I didn't like:
First, a small nuisance, is the size of the laser blasts. I always envisioned them as shorter than the ones in your pics. Just a small gripe, but they seem to dominate the pictures with only two or three long laser blasts. I think your battle pics would look better with more, shorter laser blasts. Also, should the lightsabers look the same as a laser blast??
Second, the dialogue & narration is too descriptive. Your pics are secondary to your dialogue. Meaning, I could just read your dialogue and understand the story without ever seeing a picture. This is where your style & my style differs. For example, instead of telling us that Freelo is grumbling about Ryfrof, just use some dialogue and allow us (the readers) to understand his frustration. Another example, with the Shaak Ti and Shundi at the end, don't tell us Shundi is upset or sad. Have Shundi communicate his thoughts with his own words. This may be just a difference of opinion, but your narration takes away from the dialogue and beautiful pics.
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Awesome update!!!!!!!
Man, the practical sets (with a few digital enhancements) are Fantastic!!! It really does look like a war-torn industrial world!
So much great stuff to comment here on, I will write detailed comments hopefully today or tonight.
EXCELLENT chapter, as always!! Wow, wow!!
edit:
I agree with Longhorn about the dialogue. I think you should use dialogue as much as possible over narration, but I will comment more on this in my detailed review...still, AMAZING job.
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Thanks for all the nice words guys.
In Rem - Glad that you liked the dialogue with Freelo. He's becoming a very fun character to work with, and so is Kala Mly Shundi. Yes, I used a lot of customs for it, I think it helps add a realistic feel to the characters. I hope I didn't ruin anything in spilling the beans earlier with Rykrof getting captured.
NoMercyJoe - Yes you are probably on the right track about Rykrof. ;)
SA - I have to disagree that it takes away from the storyline to have description in a photonovel. To me, dialogue alone does not always tell enough. I know that some pics may do most of the describing (a picture can be worth a thousand words) but I also feel that to tell the story effectively, some narration is necessary. Just a difference in opinion though, and I see what you mean about the laser blasts. I'll try to improve those. And yes the new camera helped a lot (thanks for noticing) - it's not the best, but it's better than my other one. :)
Quazar - Take your time, and I'm looking forward to your expert review. ;)
:P
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Another great Rykrof story!
I cant wait to see what happens to him, Its great Freelo isnt dead.
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Oh my goodness! CHEWIE, you keep improving with every novel you make. This one was no exception!
I LOVED the sets and the characters. All your customs are fantastic! I'm jealous at the number of Gray Clone Evolution sets you have. :P
I also really liked that opening shot of the planet and the lone Star Destroyer. I love shots like that for some reason, they really get me pumped up for the scene.
Also, good job with the cliffhanger ending. I would have added a closing shot of perhaps Rykrof being beaten (like the custom pic you made in your thread), or perhaps Rykrof behind bars. That's just me though, and I still think you did a great job.
Can't wait for number 19!
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Allow me to echo the sentiments of all those who've posted before me: Fan-friggen-tastic!
I loved the customs, the sets and the general flow of the story. Everything, to me atleast, worked so well that it could be said that this is your best installment yet!
You've certainly set the stage for an enthrawling chapter 19. I wonder if Ralbarr, Freelo and Kala Mly Shundi will attempt to rescue Rykrof?
However, I do have a few minor things that could be improved upon. In the third frame, it mentions how several attack cruisers encircle the planet...yet we only see one! Also, in the 10th frame, Rykrofs neck seems a little off. I guess the peg and the neck conflict or something there.
Anyway, keep up the great work!
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Thanks again guys - I'll reply in more detail soon. Regarding the cruisers, if you look very closely to the left of the planet, you can see a second one. I did make a third, but I made it so small that even I can't see it. I guess consider there to be other ships on the other side of the planet. ;)
:P
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Hey, Chewie....here are some more detailed thoughts (even though you never replied to my commentary for #17! :P )
While, in general, I am glad we learn a little more about the Badoo Corba in this chapter, I think you should have at least mentioned their motivation in the opening crawl. We've been dealing with these guys for a loong time and only now are we getting a glimpse into their motives. Terrorist organizations exist to advance political or ideological agendas and, so far, we don't really know what these guys really want. They don't like the Republic, obviously, but they aren't working with the CIS.....so please keep giving us more info about them.
It's not especially clear why Ryrkrof is being sent to find the Quarren. Who is he betraying the Republic TO? The CIS or the Badoo Corba?
The opening shot of the ships and planets is cool, but - and this is a very minor nitpick - most of your shots like this seem more "Star Trek" than "Star Wars". In Trek, we always had establishing shots showing the Enterprise looking huge with a small planet in background, which was never really realistic. But "Star Wars" has some great shots showing a vast, panoramic planet-view with a ship flying over it. I think you should try a shot like that sometime.
The sets in this chapter are really fantastic! And you do an excellent, excellent job of combining the practical effects with digital enhancements. The opening battle shots are wonderful, with the cloudy, smoggy skies and digital buildings in the background. The dioramas are very well-made and I love the various blast marks that dot the scenery.
I agree with the comment about shortening the blaster bolts. Also try to darken the colors just a bit, sometimes your sabers and lasers look just a little too 'white' and washed out. Not always, though.
LOVE Freelo and his new look. The "Tortoise" line is fantastic! Good use of Owen's cool speeder. However, since we establish that this location is a kind of base for our heroes, why not throw in that computer terminal or something like that. As it is, it looks a little too similiar to the rest of locations.
Oh, and why isn't Shundi out on the battle field? I can understand Rykrof's friends waiting on the sidelines, but a Jedi? I knew there was a reason I never liked Shundi! :)
The Rykrof custom is terrific, as always. However, I think it's time to vary his look a little bit. He's looked the same way for over ten years, all the way back to the first chapter, which was TPM era. Time for you to sculpt a full beard for him (the "stubble" look from the Dathomir chapters was awesome!) and I think you might try giving him grey temples or something. He's older and battle hardened now, but still looks as fresh-faced as ever.
I agree with Longhorn about dialogue, which is something I've always said. Don't have Freelo "mumble under his breath", give him LINES! Narration is certainly important, but you need to give your characters as much dialogue as is possible to flesh them out and make them feel real. You do a great job when you write it, so don't hold back!!
I love how Freelo is pretending to be all brave and eager to fight! Such a wonderful character!
GREAT to see Shaak Ti, a terrific character. Love the custom gear, too.
Love Owens' custom hangar vehicle thingy!
The opening battle shots are, as always, fantastic! Explosions! Droids! Blasters! You're truly amazing with this stuff!
The "commander center", as I said, doesn't really look like much, just an empty corner of cement with a wall missing. A few more do-dads and props would have helped flesh it out. But I really like the interplay between the characters. I think Ralbarra should be frustrated, too, as he's such a loyal friend of Ryrkrof's...
Thank God the preview shots of Freelo were misleading! Freelo lives!! The whole armor bit is BRILLIANT and works extremely well. The smoke coming off the armor is another excellent touch. It's this kind of attention to detail which really makes your series special. The stories are great, the photos are great, but you really go that extra mile to make the series truly amazing.
Freelo's line after recovering his hilarious! But I think you meant to write "springs FROM the ground" or springs to HIS FEET."
The shot of Mundi and the troops is terrific. Great use of debris, both practical and digital.
The shots of Yamrii scavening are also great, but I don't think you should have used the same speeder in the background, unless you are establishing that our characters took that speeder to find him, which isn't clear.
Good dialogue from Yamrii! The character isn't on screen for much time, but definitely makes a distinct impression! Well-done.
LOVE the warehouse shots, the use of the wooden door is very clever.
There is so much awesome detail in these sets. The grates on the wall, the stains, etc. Truly top notch work!
....okay, I have to run for now, I'll finish the commentary later. Another TERRIFIC chapter!
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But Lance, I did reply to #17. ;)
Thanks for such a lengthy reply already, it's very appreciated. I'll hit on a couple of things right now while I have minute -
(1) The dialogue thing, I guess it's just a personal taste thing. In novels authors use different styles of writing a lot - I think that keeps a story fresh. It's just my preference, but I understand the different point of view.
(2) The speeder is a different one that the Yam'rii has. It's a similar color though. Both were made for me by Owen D - the second one is a different design, but from the pics I took they do look similar. H ere are pics from his site for reference.
(http://www.owenscustoms.com/attackspeeder1.JPG)
(http://www.owenscustoms.com/fieldcar1.JPG)
Good catch on the Freelo line, I'll fix that and reply more when I get a chance. Thanks!
:P
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I am interested in a better pic or description of that Skyhawk/TIE Interceptor ship.
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I am interested in a better pic or description of that Skyhawk/TIE Interceptor ship.
That's one of many vehicles of mine that are "virtually on loan" to Chewie for this series. The primary components are a G.I. Joe Skyhawk cockpit (hand laid glass panels), a vintage Ertl Darth Vader's TIE model, vintage Ertl TIE Interceptor model, and lots and lots of model and toy parts :)
Here's some additional pics:
Note: the forward landing gear is a last minute replacement as the puppy chewed up the original as I was about to take the pics (damn dog :( ). The gear will be painted to match the rest of the ship eventually.
(http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y24/dkosa/Custom%20Star%20Wars%20Vehicles/100_0113.jpg)
(http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y24/dkosa/Custom%20Star%20Wars%20Vehicles/100_0114.jpg)
(http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y24/dkosa/Custom%20Star%20Wars%20Vehicles/100_0115.jpg)
(http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y24/dkosa/Custom%20Star%20Wars%20Vehicles/100_0116.jpg)
Chewie, GREAT job on this latest installment. You really improve in leaps and bounds with each one. Your pacing, pictures, effects, etc. are very professionally done. I cannot wait to see the next one :D
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Chewie, I really enjoyed this story. The dioramas make the story a lot better. I really like the droid customs, and the Shaak Ti in clone armor customs. I did something like that with my Shaak Ti and my clone commander when I was just playing around with them. I put the Clone Commanders skirt and pauldron on Shaak Ti, but your custom is so much better. I really liked the urban warfare that you had going on. I'd love to make some of the ruined city scenery like you had in your photo novel, and maybe make a photo novel of my own, even though if I do make a photo novel, it won't be as good as your works of art.
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That was the worst chapter of RE I have ever read. ::) The picture editing is absolutley terrible. I expected better from you, Justin. When did Rykrof become such a girl? And those customs were absolute ****. I mean, good lord, who taught you how to make these figures?
A two year old?
Just Kidding. ;D
What a phenominal chapter. The script and writing is top notch. Freelo had me in tears this chapter. Awsome realistic sets. My only gripe is that the lightsabers and blaster bolts are the same leingth. I liked the origionals you had before. Nothing a little shrinking can't fix in time for next chapter.
My favorite shot was of Freelo on his back, tied with the image of Shundi all sad at the end.
Kevin
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Spectre - I can't thank you enough for allowing me to use some of your vehicles. I'll always remember to give you credit for your spectacular work.
mister_palpatine - Those are very nice words, I appreciate them. Sounds like an interesting concept for your Shaak Ti, I'd love to see pics if possible. On making a ruined city, I'll upload some pics soon of how I made it out of foamcore.
Famine - Thanks buddy. I'm glad you like Freelo, I think he can be hilarious as long as I don't try and overdo it. Kind of a bit of light humor. Some people may not think he's funny, but I think he is.
Regarding the laser blasts, I've thought about it, and I am thinking that might be kind of what they should look like. From memory I was thinking they should have some length to them. If you freeze a frame of a laser blast, they're pretty long actually, which implies motion.
(http://216.127.78.103/~dutch-starwars.com/database/droids/pics/super_battle_droid.jpg)
Even the Unleashed Stormtrooper portrays longer laser blasts -
(http://slave1.cside3.jp/image5/20040909-03.jpg)
And some posters too -
(http://www.artafterdark.com/hidden/starwarspacebatl_lg1.jpg)
And games...
(http://media.g4tv.com/images/imagedb2/242/24280_L.jpg)
And comics!
(http://www.gamebgs.com/files/images/swbattle_1_7.preview.jpeg)
Sorry if I got a little carried away there, just showing that I've seen them appear that way in other mediums too. ;)
:P
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"mister_palpatine - Those are very nice words, I appreciate them. Sounds like an interesting concept for your Shaak Ti, I'd love to see pics if possible. On making a ruined city, I'll upload some pics soon of how I made it out of foamcore."
Chewie, if I do attempt to do a ruined city, it will probably be attempted during the summer, as it is busy for me with school. I would appreciate the pictures so I can get an idea of what I'd like to do. As for my Shaak Ti, I'll have to put it back together. I don't really customize, I just swap accessories and sometimes body parts between figures. I don't have figures to desecrate, nor to I have the proper funds to do customs and keep up with collecting, and I'm not into ruining a perfectly good figure. My family just got a digital camera for Christmas from Santa, so I need to find a way to post pictures. So far I've taken pictures of my collection, and I'll try to get around to the Shaak Ti, my big Geonosis diorama, and my crumby Techno Union Ship.
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Justin, my friend, you are welcome to use any of my vehicles, figures, you name it, I'm just flattered to be a part of your Saga :D
After I set up my new Star Wars Room next month (I just moved), I'll have everything unpacked again so I'll have access to my customs. I'll even be able to take additional pics of everything if you know of a specific angle or pose you need for future chapters. As I finish up more vehicles, I'll give you first crack at pics of them as well ;)
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Spectre, you are a true customizing Messiah! Not only for your talents, but for your willingness to share your work us and let us use it too to better our own work. I am very grateful for that, because I've been turned down before rather rudely (please nobody ask who, I don't want to use names and might not even remember for sure who it was - not someone who is active here). I enjoyed the recent parts swap with you, so maybe we can try that again sometime, or if you ever are interesting in *selling* one of your wonderful pieces, you know who to contact. ;)
:P
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absolutley sick chapter CHEWIE!
- your foamcore set is great, nice weathering and battle damage. i really enjoyed the real set over your digital ones, great work!
- the story was also awsome. there was some good sialog betwen charecters and i personally like the emotion descriptions.
- the way you are protraying Kala is awsome. i like that you are showing how the Clone Wars are bringing some of the jedi down and giving them feelings of darkness. Kala has befriended Rykoff and his suffering is translating in to anger and hate for Kala. very well told, awsome job!
- the battle on 2 fronts was awsome and really added to the action scene's.
- your effects are great as usual and the pics are alot lighter compareed to your older ones.
this was a great chapter with some good twista and dialog and a good amount of action, i can't wait fot the next chapter!
thanks CHEWIE!
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Goosebumps! This installment really had me on the edge of my seat -- I was really worried about Freelo and Alyssa for a bit there.
And I just noticed now that Ralbarr has on a softoods skirt -- hooray! :)
Kala's closed eyes in that last scene was a great touch -- a small detail that really made a huge difference to the whole feel and mood of that scene. As jedistyle remarks, that scene offers some great insight into the emotional stress that the Jedi are suffering in these dark times. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and when they're shut...
About body proportions. In the scene where Ralbarr, Freelo, Alyssa, and Shaak Ti are all standing together, Alyssa seems awfully tiny. Of course, I know that's because she's based on a Padmé figure, and she's standing near a Wookiee. But even her fellow woman, Shaak Ti, seems awfully big in comparison, and she's never struck me as being particularly tall (well, not counting her head tails, of course). Could that just be because of her big clone boots? Is Alyssa just supposed to be a really petite lady? Just out of curiosity, if Rykrof is in his 30s or so (as you mentinoned in a reply in the revious installment), about how old is Alyssa, & how old is their little boy by now?
And on the issue of Shaak Ti, her copious softgoods are fabulous, of course. Only thing is, wouldn't they slow her down a bit in a battle situation? Of course you addressed that by giving her a shorter skirt -- good move.
Now, there was one bit of the story that sort of bothered me a little: Why doesn't Rykrof himself hurry off to rescue Alyssa once he sees that communiqué from the other Fuuda on the data screen? Why did he insist that Kala and co. go and he stay? And if he knew that Fuuda would be showing up looking for him, why did he stay? These things seemed a bit funny to me on the first read through, altho' maybe there was a good reason for all this to which I didn't catch on.
Looking forward to more, as always. Keep up the top-notch work! :)
... the Findswoman
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Findswoman -
I'm glad you were able to check the story out today, because now none of my pics were showing for a while... I'm pretty aggravated with my hosting service right now. Thank you very much for your analysis and comments though.
To answer your questions - yes Alyssa is a kind of short woman, about the size of Padme I'd say and a bit older than her. Rykrof at this point in the war is about 32 years old, so when the Clone Wars are over he will be about 34 or 35. If he lives past that, he will still be at an age where he could be active by the time the the OT era is around, which would make him under 60 years old by the time Palpatine is killed - if Rykrof lives that long of course. Alyssa is supposed to be 5 years younger than Rykrof. Their son is still a baby - he was born right after the start of the war.
For Shaak Ti's height, a lot can be accounted for the Clone armor legs which make the figure tall, but I believe the regular Shaak Ti figure is a bit shorter than that of a regular (not counting her enormous head tails) Clone but I could be mistaken. I should have probably shortened her a bit though.
Your question about the storyline is a great one - I hope this answers your question. When Rykrof first saw the image of her, he was frozen with fear and surprise - he listened carefully to what Mubaas Fuuda told him - that if Rykrof did not stay in the warehouse alone, then Alyssa would be shot in the head by a sniper. All the chapter was about was a "dark exchange" - to exchange Alyssa for Rykrof. Rykrof was set up by the Badoo Corba. If he was seen leaving the warehouse or approaching his wife, a sniper would have killed her which is why he had to stay. Make sense?
Jedistyle -
I'm glad you liked the real sets - it's been a while since I did mostly real sets. I'll definitely be doing that for the next one too.
Yes - Kala is experiencing sadness and hatred too - Anakin will not be the only one facing a struggle with his loyalties and doing what is right and wrong. I have major plans for Kala, and hope I can portray them correctly.
Thanks both of you for your comments, they are much appreciated and I will be starting working on the sets for the next chapter this week. As soon as they are done things should get rolling quickly.
:P
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What a joy to read, I was freaked out at the sight of Freelo getting shot.
I cant wait for the next one!
Rykrof just keeps on getting better and better. :)
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hey CHEWIE, i'm sure it was asked long ago, but what spiecies is kala and what figure did his head come from? thanks.
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Jedistyle, it looks like the head from Jedi youngling Jempa from the Ashla / Jempa 2-pack, but alas, I've forgotten what species that is... The SW official site's Databank is silent on the issue. Chewie? Anyone?
... the Findswoman
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Clone Commander Gr - Thanks my friend, death will be a more frequent occurance in the future stories I hate to say, but Freelo still has some time ahead of him for sure.
Jedistyle and findswoman - Yeah it's the head from those little younglings, but I'm stumped on the species name too.
:P
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I just looked at the back of the Ashla & Jempa card, but that's no help either. I bet it's in one of those Visual Encyclopedia things... does anyone own the one for Ep. III? Now I'm all curious, too...
... the Findswoman
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mabey it's a baby whipid, kruhk's spieceis. it has the same protruding bottom teeth as that spiecies and as a youngling may not have any hair yet. that was my first guess!
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maybe it's a baby whipid, kruhk's spieceis. it has the same protruding bottom teeth as that spiecies and as a youngling may not have any hair yet. that was my first guess!
As it turns out, you're right, Jedistyle: Jempa is a young Whiphid. Here's the Star Wars Wiki entry for Jempa (http://starwars.wikicities.com/wiki/Jempa).
However... if this makes Kala a Whiphid, too, he doesn't match the other numerous adult Whiphids in earlier chapters of the Rykrof saga, who are all bigger, hairier, and nekkid. (See, for example, this shot (http://www.thecustomalliance.com/cook/3/image12.asp).) I guess the Jedi Order is a civilizing and grooming influence! :)
... the Findswoman
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he is a whipid, huh! i supose CHEWIE can just create a different spiecies for him. thanks for the info Findswoman!
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Ok, easy solution - Kala's father was a Whipid and his mother was a Saurin. He's the ugly love child result of their interbreeding. I'll call him a Saurpid.
:P
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that's cool, mabey the crossing of the 2 spiecies meshed both of thier best quality's and that's why Kala is such a powerful Jedi! ;D thanks for the info CHEWIE.
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Best chapter yet, Chewie, and a great set-up for what's to come!
Dathomir had a great build up and then ended a little flat, I thought...but this chapter was even better than those first Dathomir chapters. I have an idea of where this is going and it will be interesting to see how you pull it off. My recommendation on this one is to take your time, and don't feel you have to wrap everything up for us in one or two chapters. I felt that Dathomir ended too quickly, and by the end some of the tension you built was lost. As this chapter was by far your best, both with sets, tightly written characterizations, action and drama, I really want to see it live up to the potential you've built.
I wish I had time to do a scene by scene breakdown, but I don't tonight...suffice it to say my favorite panel was the clones leaving with Kala Mly Shundi as Rykrof stares helplessly at the screen showing his wife. A powerful moment, especially considering you're working with toys! The only thing I would have liked to have seen done differently is the rescue of Alyssa... I would have liked to have seen the order given to execute her, and a close up on the thug aiming at her...and then a lightsaber appears through his chest. Cue rescue scene! I understand Fuuda was trading her, but it would have been just like a villain to have Rykrof where he wants him and then attempt to kill her anyway. You might then have added to Rykrof's pain as he's taken away, believing his wife is dead...that much more misery heaped on our hero.
And speaking of Fuuda...nice touch with it being Trigg's brother, but not revealing it right away. When I first saw him on the screen, I went "What the hell? Fuuda's dead!" I figured it was maybe a holo, but it being a family member out to get revenge was a nice twist.
Well done. Very powerful chapter, can't wait to see more!
-DD
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I finally got around to reading this. It was a very good read as always. I owe you a real review for this one and #17 soon. :)
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Best chapter yet, Chewie, and a great set-up for what's to come!
Dathomir had a great build up and then ended a little flat, I thought...but this chapter was even better than those first Dathomir chapters. I have an idea of where this is going and it will be interesting to see how you pull it off. My recommendation on this one is to take your time, and don't feel you have to wrap everything up for us in one or two chapters. I felt that Dathomir ended too quickly, and by the end some of the tension you built was lost. As this chapter was by far your best, both with sets, tightly written characterizations, action and drama, I really want to see it live up to the potential you've built.
I wish I had time to do a scene by scene breakdown, but I don't tonight...suffice it to say my favorite panel was the clones leaving with Kala Mly Shundi as Rykrof stares helplessly at the screen showing his wife. A powerful moment, especially considering you're working with toys! The only thing I would have liked to have seen done differently is the rescue of Alyssa... I would have liked to have seen the order given to execute her, and a close up on the thug aiming at her...and then a lightsaber appears through his chest. Cue rescue scene! I understand Fuuda was trading her, but it would have been just like a villain to have Rykrof where he wants him and then attempt to kill her anyway. You might then have added to Rykrof's pain as he's taken away, believing his wife is dead...that much more misery heaped on our hero.
And speaking of Fuuda...nice touch with it being Trigg's brother, but not revealing it right away. When I first saw him on the screen, I went "What the hell? Fuuda's dead!" I figured it was maybe a holo, but it being a family member out to get revenge was a nice twist.
Well done. Very powerful chapter, can't wait to see more!
-DD
Darth Delicious, thank you for the comments and your thoughts. I see what you mean about Dathomir, I could have had a larger climax at the end with possibly Ventress or the witch, but I didn't want to kill of anyone major at that point, and thought it might be realistic the way it ended. Just because Ventress was after them, didn't mean she would succeed, as even Vader had Luke slip through his clutches in ESB. Different scenario, just giving an example. And I never saw Ventress as really being that powerful. The witch is twisted and has lost her mind, she has no ambition, she is essentially insane and driven by her lust for flesh. She will be in the series again at some point however. As for how Dathomir ended, I had different feedback from nearly everyone. Some people though it was dragging, then when I ended it they thought it should have been longer. So, I guess it's a learning experience for me and I will go with my instinct on what should happen as far as length to the subplots.
I will not be in a rush for the next few stories, if they take a bit longer, that is fine. For the most recent one, I didn't rush it and I feel it helped it a lot. It wasn't too long, but I think it hit the points I was trying to make and showed the Badoo Corba's ability to still trick their enemies. As for an order to execute Alyssa, I had thought about it, but decided to give them a small sense of decency as they are still trying to convince Dooku to let them into the Confederacy. And I'm glad everyone seems to be ok with Trigg having a brother, that was an original plan a long time ago, for two Twi'leks to run the organization, but I never went in that direction. When Trigg died though I felt like the Badoo Corba was losing a lot of its identity, even with Troffar (the Gran) taking over for the time being. So I thought introducing Muubas now was the right time. He isn't nearly as naive as Trigg was.
Ryan, take your time on a review. It will be a bit before the next one is up. :)
Thanks everyone, and I appreciate everyone still following this series. It's been a long series now with nearly 20 chapters over an 11 year timeline, and using fan fic characters rather than the established ones can be difficult, but I think it's a lot more fun this way (at least for me) because we already know what happens to the main characters. What happens to these characters is still undecided. Anything can happen and anyone can die.
:P
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I guess part of my criticism of the Dathomir chapters centers on our perceptions of Ventress...I thought of her as fairly powerful...not to the level of Dooku, but her ability to hold her own against Obi-Wan at certain points lends her some credibility. I would have liked to have seen more action between her and Sriadne, at least.
The other place I thought Dathomir lost us a bit was in the previous chapter when you showed the witch in the last panel...she hadn't really become an integral part of the story yet; I think it ruined a great reveal showing her so soon. We should have seen her only through the characters eyes...it would have made her more frightening, and the build-up would have been nice as until she attacked, she would have been mere supposition and rumor on the characters part. (Sure, we'd seen her in your thread, but some of us had forgotten.)
Other than those two quibbles I liked Dathomir, and especially the intro of Freelo to the series.
Speaking of Freelo, you've hit the right balance for him. He's comic relief without being an annoying buffoon like Jar Jar. I also like that you haven't portrayed him as cowardly in every situation...Although he fled from Siriadne on Dathomir (who wouldn't?) in Dark Exchange he's quite willing to fight, even if he proves totally inept at it.
It's been a fun ride so far...can't wait to see where you take us.
-DD
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Thanks DD. I understand your points about Ventress and the witch. I liked having the encounter between the two of them, and having Ventress getting her ass kicked. The reason I didn't extend the fight more also had something to do with the witch not having a lightsaber. If she had one, they could have dueled. But since she doesn't, I couldn't let Ventress get too close or she could tear her to shreds. I had in mind that the witch has a level of power that surpasses almost anyone, but it is uncontrolled, unfocused power. So she has no sense of direction and at this point is a twisted fury of dark side power. For showing her early, I was trying to build some more tension. Some people had been saying they didn't feel like Rykrof was in a lot of danger in some stories, so I was trying to show the peril he was in and keep people on the edge. You make great points though and I will keep that in mind. Remember the witch will have a return at some point, which means that Dathomir will be revisited. So far it's my favorite location in the series. I am looking forward to a return to the planet at some point with a series of 4-5 chapters centering on Dathomir.
For Freelo, I've had a person or two wish he was killed in the last one. I think that would be a big mistake to do, he's the most enjoyable character actually to work with right now. He's naive yet intelligent, scared yet caring. He will have a big impact on the series and might be the "safest" character for a while.
As for where the series leads, I have a plan in mind, but with a lot of emails and PMs from other customizers, I've gotten some ideas that never crossed my mind. They are giving me a lot more options to explore, and I appreciate the ideas very much.
:P
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YES! Real sets! It is fun, isn't it.
I knew you could become a CG maniac. This section that so interesting to read, but it took awhile, because my eyes kept drifting up. Seems Rykrof has himself another sticky situation to get out of...but this time it really doesn't look good. I hope he comes out on top, like always.
I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying these...not only are they creative (w/ cameos too) but they're really serious and set in stone. Solid stories CHEWIE. :-*
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Thanks Jediknight, I really appreciate the thoughful feedback. I hope to have #19 up within 48 hours... really close to being finished.
:P
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Awesome story Justin! I love that Shak Ti custom. Your scenery and backgrounds are amazing man! :o
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Everything seems to get even better!