I remember when it happened to me, and ever since then, I've had a hard time even thinking about being in a serious relationship. People talk about forgive and forget... but to this very day, I could describe that moment in time, even though it's been many years and many tokes later, in infinite detail. Everything about it.
How could anyone forget? I'm a visual thinker, so I don't just THINK about her ******* some dude who lived down the hall... With as much detail as I can remember the moment I got that phone call, when she told me she ****** Brian, I too can visualize her in the act of doing it. She had the time to get ass naked and put his condom on, my art, my pictures - all of this **** that belonged to ME was plastered around the same bed that she ****** HIM in. How can I forgive that?
My situation was even worse, as she lied to me, claiming to have been raped. That she screamed for help and nobody was around to hear it... She claimed to have gone to the Doc and get tested and all of that ****. It was all a lie. But you know, even though I didn't buy it, I stood by like a good guy... I betrayed my own gut instinct.
As weak as it may sound to those who don't know what it's like, I couldn't even watch movies involving affairs or sex scenes for a very, very long time. I had just bought Jackie Brown, but couldn't watch it. I ended up getting ****** up and watching The Wall - which, especially at the time, I connected with.
Anyway, I refused to see her, I wouldn't speak to her, I refused to answer her calls, or read her mail. She went as far as to try and get through to me through my grandparents. I didn't give her anything. From that point forward, she was dead to me.
It doesn't matter how many times she says sorry, that she didn't love him, or was drunk, or didn't enjoy it, or any of that ******* bull****. It doesn't matter, man. You deserve to be with someone who will honor you, not disgrace you by ******* someone else.
No second chances with my heart.