JediDefender.com Forums
Community => Watto's Junk Yard => Topic started by: Matt on September 15, 2010, 07:02 PM
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Cleanup In Aisle Three (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/cleanup-aisle-three)
SEPTEMBER 15--What kind of a guy goes into Walmart, takes a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue from the magazine rack, heads to the store’s toy section, and proceeds to masturbate to completion in the aisle?
Meet William Tyler Black.
The 28-year-old Floridian, a substitute teacher, was arrested yesterday afternoon by Sarasota cops on battery and exposure of sexual organs charges, according to a probable cause affidavit, a copy of which you’ll find here.
A store employee told cops that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” Employees reported that Black “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store.”
A police source told TSG that the toy in question was a light saber (apparently of the Star Wars variety), and that the magazine Black used was the 2010 SI swimsuit issue with model Brooklyn Decker on its cover. Though published in February, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue can still be found on sale months later at many retailers.
When cops confronted Black, pictured in the above mug shot, he said he was in the store “shopping for a toy for his daughter.” He was hit with the battery on a child count since investigators concluded that a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store.”
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Um...ya - that's pretty ******* gross, but it is WM so I'm sure that happens all the time there.
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Time for a new warning sign avatar I guess. Mind your step indeed though.
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Everybody knows that if you've got to rub one out at Walmart, the best place to do it is in the linens aisle. Nobody ever goes down that one. This guy's an amateur.
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I like to go to arts and crafts and just say I broke some elmers I was looking at... vigorously.
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Too many X-Acto knives in that aisle for my liking.
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So was he charged with battery of his sexual organs? Bada Bump.
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Could this be the culprit? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKrUhuLXkIM)
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Disgusting....
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I just realized what this reminds me of: Bill Murray smearing the ectoplasmic residue all over the books in the library at the beginning of Ghostbusters.
DAHHH!
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Hah! :D
I don't recall the scene where Dr. Venkman ran his foot through it "checking it out" though.
To pull from GB2 though... "Mood slime" indeed.
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Wow. I could never do that in a Wal-Mart.
I'm more of a Target guy.
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Is this the week for Star Wars related idiots??
http://www.freep.com/article/20100916/NEWS03/100916063/1320/Man-with-Darth-Vader-mask-held-in-robbery
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Wow. I could never do that in a Wal-Mart.
I'm more of a Target guy.
Seems generally cleaner and the little target logos give you something to aim at... am I right?
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Is this the week for Star Wars related idiots??
http://www.freep.com/article/20100916/NEWS03/100916063/1320/Man-with-Darth-Vader-mask-held-in-robbery
I tell you what, you'd never see Hot Wheels collectors behaving this way, that's for sure.
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:o
I hope they disposed of the lightsaber. Back when I worked at Target, there was a guy who would call and bother the girls who worked in the ladies underwear area with heavy breathing and nasty comments. One time they did find some magazines in a changing room that had been befouled with sticky white body fluid. I don't think they ever caught him.