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« on: June 28, 2004, 04:45 AM »
Star Wars - Behind Camera
Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke Skywalker, C-3PO and R2-D2 step into Docking Bay 94 and see Captain Han Solo cleaning up a Corellian YT-1300 Crater, more specifically the Millennium Falcon, the ship that would save their lives time and again during the following years. At the sight of the ship, all Luke could say is...
Luke: What a piece of junk!
Han: JUNK?! Kid, this is the Millennium Falcon. She may not look like much but let me tell you something. She’s the fastest ship in this entire galaxy! She’ll make .5 pass lightspeed. And you call it a piece of junk?
Luke: Oh, I’m sorry! I’m sure she was beautiful in her youth. But I’m afraid it’s about time she be put to sleep. You know, I didn’t see many space ships at my time, but, ahh... yes, it’s a piece of junk, trash, space junk!
Han: Why you little... Ah, but why am I wasting my time with you? You wouldn’t know a good ship if it smacked you in the face.
Luke: Hey! I’ve piloted a lot of ships at my time!
Han: Yeah, and I bet the galactic traffic celebrates the fact that your piloting license’s been revoked.
Luke: I bet I can out-pilot you, you victim of a ran away brain!
Han: Oh, please... You see that star over there?
Luke: What star?
Han: Exactly!
Obi-Wan: What nonsense are you arguing about now?
Luke: It’s not nonsense!
Han: Yeah, Junior here thinks he can fly a ship. You put some sense into him, old man!
Obi-Wan: Luke, you can’t fly a ship!
Luke: But...
Obi-Wan: And you, my friend... your ship is a piece of junk!
Han: Hey!
Obi-Wan: OK! Is everyone happy? Can we go now?
Well, we all know what happens in the movies, but what happens behind the cameras remains a mystery... or does it? Let’s see, shall we?
Here they are! Our three heroes finally having some peace and quiet after a hard day’s work...
George Lucas: Hamill! Fisher! Ford! In my trailer, NOW!
Harrison Ford: For peace sake! Can’t a guy enjoy a few minutes with his friends around here?
Carrie Fisher: Now don’t get angry, Harrison! I’m sure he has a good reason... this time.
Mark Hamill: If he doesn’t, I have a good recipe for executive director stew.
C.F.: OK, guys! Calm down! Let’s just go and see what the hell he wants.
M.H.: I wonder how he’s gonna surprise us this time. Is he gonna make Chewbacca my mother?
H.F.: Oh, come on! He already made Vader your father. He can’t be that cruel.
C.F.: I don’t know about that. I mean... look at you!
H.F.: What’s that supposed to mean? We’re only supposed to fight in the movie... or are you enjoying that?
G.L.: There you are! Get in here!
Our heroes are now in G.L.’s trailer and are waiting to hear what he has to say.
H.F.: It’s gonna hit us hard. We’d better sit down.
G.L.: I’m changing the script!
C.F.: What was wrong with the old script?
G.L.: It was too predictable. I ran out of ideas but last night it hit me.
H.F.: (to Mark and Carrie) Here we go!
M.H.: Yeah, and there aren’t any seatbelts on this ride.
G.L.: OK! Ready? I’m making Leia Luke’s sister, and she ends up with Han.
C.F.: That went smoother than I expected.
M.H.: Wa-wait a second! Ain’t I the hero in this story? You know... the one that ends up with the girl?
G.L.: Yes, exactly, that’s what’s predictable about it. The public would have guessed you end up with the girl from the beginning of the movie.
C.F.: So you’re changing it. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.
G.L.: So you’ve noticed.
C.F.: Tell me one thing: all those arguments between Han and Leia are because they like each other? Oh, God!
H.F.: Cheer up, sweetheart! Now you have a real man at your side.
M.H.: Wait a minute! You’re saying I’m not a real man?
H.F.: Not in this movie, kid!
M.H.: Great! There’s one hot chick in the entire galaxy and surprise... she’s your sister!
Star Wars - Expanded Universe
Luke: Son, there comes a time in every boy’s life when he has to make a decision on how he’s future’s going to look like.
Ben: Oh, that’s not a problem, dad. I already know what I’m gonna be.
Luke: Oh, so you decided to become a Jedi already.
Ben: Ahh... no, dad. I’m gonna be a pilot just like uncle Han.
Luke: A pilot?! What do you wanna be a pilot for?
Ben: I like ships...
Luke: But I thought you liked the Jedi. Having a lightsaber, mesmerizing people and stuff like that...
Ben: No, dad. I like you being a Jedi. It’s pretty cool having a Jedi Master for a father. You know: popularity... You dig?
Luke: Why would I wanna dig?
Ben: No, dad. It’s an expression like “catch my drift”.
Luke: Huh...?
Ben: Never mind. I’m gonna take my X-wing out for a spin.
Luke: Wait a second! This conversation isn’t over!
Ben walks out of the room where he’d just been talking whit his father and heads for the hall and then walks down the stairs. Luke follows him stopping at the top of the stairs.
Luke: You’d better get this pilot nonsense out of your head!
Ben sees what his father is about to do and tries to warn him, but Luke is too upset to listen.
Ben: Ahh, dad...
Luke: No, Ben! You’re becoming a Jedi Knight and that’s final. I’m putting my foot down!
And before you know it, Luke starts rolling down the stairs and stops at his son’s feet.
Ben: Wow, dad! When you put your foot down, you put your foot DOWN!
Later...
Luke comes into his apartment and Mara sees him holding his back. She’s very concerned but she’s mostly wants to know what happened...
Mara: What happened?
Luke: I had a little talk with YOUR son.
Mara: MY son? OK, what did he do this time?
Luke: He wants to become a pilot.
Mara: And what’s wrong in that?
Luke: Well, I wanted him to become a Jedi.
Mara: Oh, the father-son heritage thing again. Luke, it’s his choice. We can’t force him to do something if he doesn’t want to.
Luke: But he’s already started with that smuggler’s sarcasm.
Mara: And...?
Luke: There’s gonna be another Han Solo running around.
Mara: OK, he’s becoming a Jedi. But still... what does any of this have to do with your back?
Luke: Let’s just say I put my foot down in my decision... (Mara doesn’t get it so Luke continues) ...down the stairs.
Mara: Ouch!
Luke: I’m getting too old for this...
Later...
In another part of the Imperial Palace, more specifically in the hanger bay, Ben has a discussion of his own with...
Han: What happened to you?
Ben: Oh, it’s dad. He wants me to become a Jedi.
Han: And what’s wrong in that?
Ben: Well, I wanted to become a pilot, like you, Uncle Han.
Han: Now that’s another story. But why doesn’t he want you to be a pilot? He was a pilot at your age.
Ben: It’s not just about piloting, Uncle Han. It’s about sarcasm and piloting. I heard dad saying something about one Han Solo in the galaxy is enough.
Suddenly, a voice is heard from behind Han, as she steps out where her face can be seen...
Leia: I agree with Luke on that.
Han: And what’s wrong with more than one Han Solo in the galaxy? Leia, you’re supposed to be on my side.
For a moment, everyone is quiet. Han looks at Leia while Leia looks back at Han.
Han: Twins... they stick together like glue.
Ben: Mom kind of agrees with dad, too.
Han: Women! Can’t live with them, and unfortunately can’t live without them, either.
Ben: Hey, I happen to like girls!
Han: Yeah, now you do. Wait until you have to marry one. They’ll make your life a living hell. No offence, Leia.
Leia: Oh, c’mon, sweetheart... I’m not making your life that hard...
Han: Try miserable.
Ben: Well, you know what they say: “If you can’t beat ‘em... “
Leia: Definitely can’t beat ‘em...!
Han and Ben look at each other and finish the sentence together: “...join ‘em!”