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Collecting => Customs => Photonovels and Movies => Topic started by: CHEWIE on October 30, 2005, 05:06 PM

Title: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on October 30, 2005, 05:06 PM
Ok, here it is... the final chapter of the Dathomir series... hope you all enjoy!

(http://chewie34.250free.com/CURSEPOSTER.jpg)


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU1.jpg)



(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU2.jpg)

While Rykrof Enloe struggles to find a way back to Coruscant, a lone enemy battle cruiser looms over the planet on which he resides.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU3.jpg)

Although his initial mission to exterminate the Badoo Corba terrorists on the planet failed, Rykrof did manage to find their hidden base.  In doing so, he has obtained valuable information for the Republic.  Fortunately, the Separatist force did not discover the complex until after Rykrof had abandoned the base.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU4.jpg)

On the run with his new allies; Freelo, Traedon and Briss, Rykrof and his comrades discover a number of destroyed battle droids.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU5.jpg)

“These are the same droids we saw yesterday,” Rykrof says.  “What do you make of it?”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU6.jpg)

“These marks aren’t from any animals,” Traedon says.  “Looks like we have more company.”

“Let’s just hope the Badoo Corba aren't back,” Rykrof replies.  “If someone’s taking out droids here, maybe we’re on the same side.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU7.jpg)

Meanwhile, General Snodd continues his search for Rykrof and wonders why one of his droids patrol units has not reported in.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU8.jpg)

Although he is concerned as to what could have happened to the group, he knows there are countless dangers in the jungle.  Smugglers have been known to hide on the planet, and there are always the dangerous beasts that inhabit the area.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU9.jpg)

And although he is confident in his tracking abilities, he knows that if he is unsuccessful, Count Dooku’s disciple will surely eliminate Commander Enloe.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU10.jpg)

Meanwhile, the group of refugees stumbles onto a heap of decomposing bodies. 
“What in the name of Valorum happened here?” Rykrof wonders aloud.

“Something’s approaching,” Briss then says.  “We better take a defensive position.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU11.jpg)

Suddenly, the most horrifying sight that Rykrof has ever laid his eyes on appears.  Dragging the corpse of one of his troopers, the evil being known as Siriadne slowly emerges.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU12.jpg)

“I told you,” Freelo whispers.  “The witch!”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU13.jpg)

Suddenly the demonic being turns towards the group and roars an obscenity in an unknown language.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU14.jpg)

“Great job Freelo!” Rykrof yells. 

As the group opens fire on the hideous creature, Freelo runs off in fear.



(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU15.jpg)

In a blur of motion, the witch advances on the group…



(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU16.jpg)

…and tears into Briss.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU17.jpg)

Horrified, Rykrof and Traedon sprint for their lives as the evil Siriadne begins to consume the flesh of her kill.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU18.jpg)

Minutes later, the two exhausted comrades stop to catch their breath.

“It’s just you and me, Republic boy,” Traedon says.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU19.jpg)

“No,” Rykrof pants.  “Freelo’s out here somewhere.  We have to find him.”

“The fish took off to save his scales,” Traedon argues.  “He’s only slowed us down.  He’s useless…”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU20.jpg)

Suddenly, to Rykrof’s surprise, Traedon’s eyes widen as he raises his blaster…


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU21.jpg)

…and triggers a direct shot into the chest of an approaching battle droid.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU22.jpg)

Rykrof then remembers that the witch is not their only concern.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU23.jpg)

Both men then layer a shower of plasma at the attacking droids.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU24.jpg)

Then Rykrof hears the unexpected yet familiar sound of a lightsaber ignite. Out of nowhere, a figure appears and dismembers two of the droids.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU25.jpg)

And the other droids are destroyed by a second Jedi.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU26.jpg)

As Rykrof comes to grasp with the sudden turn of events, he realizes that the aid has come from an old friend, Jedi Master Kala Mly Shundi.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU27.jpg)

“Am I glad to see you,” Rykrof exclaims to his friend.
 
“As am I, Rykrof Enloe,” the Jedi replies.  “But it is not I that found your location.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU28.jpg)

To his surprise, Rykrof turns around and sees his closest friend, the mighty Wookiee Ralbarr.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU29.jpg)

Although overwhelmed with emotion, Rykrof feels a bit uncomfortable showing his feelings for his friend in front of Traedon. 

“Alright you two,” Traedone smirks.  “There will be plenty of time for that once we get off this hell hole.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU30.jpg)

As the group prepares for an escape, an evil figure appears.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU31.jpg)

“Ventress,” Shundi says.  “Ralbarr, take them to the rescue site.  Kovin and I will handle this.  This is no place for you Rykrof.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU32.jpg)

“This is no place for you either, Jedi!” Ventress exclaims.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU33.jpg)

Deciding not to question the Jedi, Rykrof and Traedon follow the mighty Wookiee further into the depths of the jungle.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU34.jpg)

Meanwhile the Jedi have their hands full with the dark side advocate.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU35.jpg)

As the dark woman begins to gain the upper hand, a hideous bellow erupts from the left.  “Jediiiiii…..” the horrible creature cries.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU36.jpg)

Ignoring the Jedi, Asajj Ventress leaps at the opportunity to face the abomination; now knowing this confrontation is the true test her master, Count Dooku, has orchestrated for her.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU37.jpg)

To her surprise, the living curse of Dathomir unleashes a terrible fury of dark side energy into her.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU38.jpg)

With Ventress rendered unconscious, the two Jedi cautiously confront Siriadne.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU39.jpg)

With a burst of speed, the witch delivers a Force push into Kala Mly Shundi and proceeds towards Kovin.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU40.jpg)

As the others continue to make way towards the designated rescue site, Rykrof begins to fear more for the safety of Jedi.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU41.jpg)

Many hours pass before Kala Mly Shundi awakes with a terrible headache.  Looking around, he sees no evidence of Ventress or the abomination...


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU42.jpg)

…but finds the dismembered corpse of his apprentice, Kovin U’Delli.  Suddenly he hears the sound of someone approaching.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU43.jpg)

To his surprise, he finds a Mon Calamari smiling at him. 

“A Jedi,” he says with joy.  “We’re saved!”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU44.jpg)

As dawn nears, Rykrof, Traedon and Ralbarr near the rescue site but are discovered by General Snodd’s patrol.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU45.jpg)

During the heat of the battle an enormous Rancor is attracted to the commotion.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU46.jpg)

While the main droid force concentrates on the Rancor…


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU47.jpg)

…Rykrof is astonished as he looks in the sky to see a Republic Gunship descending.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU48.jpg)

“Rykrof, we’re here to rescue you,” Freelo exclaims.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU49.jpg)

Dumbfounded, Rykrof questions the Mon Calamari as to where he has been, and where Kovin is.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU50.jpg)

“Get on the ship,” Kala Mly Shundi calmly says.  “It is time for you to leave this place.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU51.jpg)

As Rykrof and his friends climb towards safety, the droids fire several idle shots into the air.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU52.jpg)

After subduing the Rancor, General Snodd receives a transmission from Asajj Ventress.

“They escaped,” Snodd says.  Alert the orbiting cruiser to engage them.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU53.jpg)

“It's too late,” she replies.  “They’re gone.”

“The Nemoidian hierarchy will not be happy about this,” the general says.

With a hiss, Ventress replies, “I suggest you worry about yourself, General Snodd.  Prepare to evacuate this wretched planet.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU54.jpg)

Back on Coruscant, the Dark Lord of the Sith meets with his apprentice to discuss the latest events.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU55.jpg)

“This was an educational experience for her,” Darth Sidious says.  “She managed to survive against an adversary capable of defeating any of the Jedi Council.”

“Yes, but was she not defeated?” Count Dooku asks his master.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU56.jpg)

“Of course she was.  But through her failure she will learn her own weaknesses …and the limit of her power.  This defeat for her will only refine her abilities.  Soon she will be ready to face the one they claim to be ‘The Chosen One.’”

"And what of Rykrof Enloe?  I am impressed that he survived," Dooku says.

"He is not important in the grand scheme of things.  Nonetheless, he has gained powerful allies, and may prove to be an asset for the time being.   But he will be dealt with in due time," Lord Sidious replies.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU57.jpg)

Meanwhile, Rykrof and the survivors embark on the long journey home.


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU58.jpg)

“I can’t thank you enough for coming for me,” Rykrof says to his Jedi friend.

“Think nothing of it.  It only saddens me that you are in the position you are in with the Senate,” Shundi replies. “Although it is against the Jedi Code, I understand why you delayed your mission to Dathomir.  Seeing your family is important to you.  The Badoo Corba may have escaped because of your actions,  but it is important that you are safe, regardless of what some politicians may think.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU59.jpg)

“Yeah, well I have a feeling what’s on this data cylinder with turn some heads,” Rykrof says grimly.  “It’s invaluable information, but they’re not going to like everything I found on it.”


(http://chewie34.250free.com/CU60.jpg)

“But no matter what they do, at least I know I'm not going back to that planet again.”

 :P

Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Reid on October 30, 2005, 05:56 PM
Amazing CHEWIE, simply amazing. Did you use Owen D's Star Destroyer Bridge for the last couple of shots? One of your best chapters IMO. BTW, in any of your chapters will the clones switch over to V2 (ROTS) armor?
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: MetalJedi on October 30, 2005, 06:16 PM
Very nice Chewie! It was good to see Rykrof escape again.  ;D
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: jedistyle on October 30, 2005, 06:31 PM
awsome chapter CHEWIE! there was some really nice scenes in this chapter.....

- your blaster, light saber and lightning effects look really good. they look like they could have actually been apart of the original picture! especially the blaster effects, very well done.

- there was some good blood effects and it was anawsome scene when the witch tore Briss apart, very cool!

- i really liked the scene where it looked like Treadon was going to turn on Rykoff, but blasted a battle droid instead, nice twist.

- there could have ben a little bit more light saber play between the jedi and Ventress. mabey 1 or 2 more scene's with them fighting in different poses etc.... it would have added to the battle a little bit.

- i was a bit surprised that Ventress was defeated so easily by the witch, i would have liked to see a little more fight between those two.

- i'm not sure if i forgot or if we didn't see, but did we ever see what happened to the other 2 clone troopers that split from the group? was that one of them the witch was dragging as the group looked on? did the 1 other clone get left on Dathomir?

- the over head shots of the gunship coming in where very cool. it gave the effect that we where actually on the ground.

- the dialog was really good this time especially between Rykoff and the Jedi in the last few shots on the ship. Alot of hints and things to look forward to from that conversation.

- i had a feeling Freelo would punk-out on them. will we see him ever again?

overall this was an excellent chapter with some awsome battle scenes and some good dialog. as always your effects where awsome, but the blaster and lightsaber effects really stood out as good this time. i would have liked to see some more fighting between the force users but the fighting they did do was cool.  i'm really anxious now to see what punishment awaits Rykoff when he returns to Corusant and if the data he found is of any help. this story ending leaves us open for a whole new mission so i can't wait to see what that holds, hopefully we will se more jedi in the next mission. the last scene and Rykoff's last line gives me a sinking feeling that some where down the road he will find himself back on that damn planet!

great work as always CHEWIE, it was very entertaining and very well done. your skills seem to improve with every scene. thanks for sharing it with us and i'm already feinding for more :P!!!!!

Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Vator on October 30, 2005, 07:49 PM
Yet another awe striking chapter to the Rykrof Saga! Your imaging skills seem to improve every chapter, and the Dathomir Series in particular has been a visual treat. However, if I had one gripe it would be that some of the pictures are a little too dark.

The texts to the stories themselves have also improved, and there just really isn't that much more I can say other than that!

Overall, not only a great edition to the series but a great conclusion to the Dathomir story line.
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Nirvana on October 30, 2005, 07:53 PM
Wow, CHEWIE. That was simply amazing. That was probably my favorite RE story so far, and just in time for Halloween. That was the first time a fig actually creeped me out. That witch of yours, wow.
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Greg on October 30, 2005, 07:58 PM
Hey CHEWIE, as you may already have seen, I posted my comments at RS before I was banned incase you want to read them.
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: hemble on October 30, 2005, 08:36 PM
Great story Chewie I enjoyed every bit of it .

Ron
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: In Rem on October 30, 2005, 09:26 PM
Bravo, Chewie! The last sequence (from the confrontation with the Witch to the evac flight) reminded me a great deal of how Lucas likes to wrap things up... bang bang bang bang and done. :)

I'll miss Dathomir for now, but I think that's great. You left me wanting more. :)
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on October 30, 2005, 09:44 PM
Thanks guys, I'll try and reply a bit more a little later, I've pretty much spent the whole weekend finishing this up so I have some things I still need to do tonight. 

And I'm sure someone will soon point out the screwed up eyes on Dooku.  I messed around trying to get them look more real, and probably shouldn't have done that.

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: blaster_e11 on November 1, 2005, 09:24 AM
a very nice chapter indeed chewie,

maybe a lttle too dark , but hell, it's halloween ! ;)
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Darth Slothus on November 1, 2005, 12:09 PM
I want Rykoff dead Chewie...soon, but in an honorable purposeful way too. Nice story so far. Including -off- elements like creatures/witches-very good
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 1, 2005, 12:33 PM
Looks like I got a bit of the flu bug today.  Can't even enjoy the new Battlefront game.  Yeeeuuuck!

Anyways, in repsonse to some of your comments -

HunteofthePegs -

Yep, I certainly did use the Star Destroyer bridge that I got from Owen.  It's so awesome, I'm sure it will be used a lot more in the future.  And there will be Phase II armor eventually, but right now the story is only about 8 months into the war.


MetalJedi -

Thanks, but do you think he's "escaping" too often?  I've tried to make the endings a little different lately, but I'm afraid of being too repetitive.


Jedistyle -

That's the kind of response I really appreciate, it means a lot to me to see someone taking the time to ask so many questions since I do work really hard on these.

I'm glad the effects seem to be getting more realistic, and that the blood seemed to work out.  I liked the shot of Briss getting torn up too.

You're right, I should have made the saber fights longer.  As for Ventress being defeated so quickly, I kind of did that for a few reasons - (1) I wanted the witch to seem even more powerful, and (2) She doesn't have a lightsaber, and I didn't want Ventress to get too close with those sabers or she'd cut her to pieces, and (3 I did make one other shot that somehow my hard drive on my computer screwed up.  It was just another pic of the fight.

The other two Clone Troopers - good catch.  The one you saw getting dragged was one of them.  Rykrof automatically assumes both must be dead... but there is a chance that one of them may have survived.

Freelo really isn't a "bad" guy, he just chickened out when the witch appeared.  He encountered her before, and is scared to death of her.  He will end up being a very important character in the future of the storyline.

As for the data cylindar, it will be kind of fun having Rykrof return to Coruscant.  He has become a small subject of controversy in the Senate now.  And Dathomir will be the focal point of a future story or two, but probably a little ways down the line.  Like Luke Skywalker says in ANH, "I'm never coming back to this planet again," - he does in the final act of the OT.   Thanks for the comments.  :)


Rotar Vader -

Thank you very much for the kind words, I'm glad the dialogue seemed to work out ok on this one.  Every once in a while I get really stumped on what to write.


darth nirvana -

Yeah, it kind of worked out well that it was in time for Halloween.  The next one will be a Thanksgiving theme - The Quest for the Holy Turkey.  Just kidding.


mister palpatine -

Yes, I read your comments there, thank you very much. 


hemble -

If I only I had some of your painting skills, I think these would look quite a bit better!


InRem -

I'm glad the ending seemed ok.  To be honest, I had no idea how I was going to wrap things up.  So I just took a lot of pics, kind of fitted them together, then wrote the ending sequence. 


blaster_e11 -

I was afraid it might be a little too dark... I think that's the direction the series is going, but not always so bloody.


Darth Slothus -

I don't think Rykrof will be dying anytime soon... the series is planned to have about 100 stories.  But when his time does come, it won't be a cheesy death at all.  Glad you liked the witch.


Thanks guys, if anyone has any other questions/comments, please feel free to post them here, and maybe we can discuss a little about the next couple chapters too.   :)

 :P










Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Quazar on November 1, 2005, 02:41 PM
Sorry I haven't posted long comments yet. I got halfway through the other night....This is another fan-freakin'-tastic story and I will post more soon!

Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 1, 2005, 06:25 PM
Lance, no apology necessary.  It's probably going to be a little while before the next Rykrof photonovel anyways.  You have at least until Thanksgiving before I update again.  ;)

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Ner_vod on November 1, 2005, 07:00 PM
WOW! great backgrounds and effects....wait a minute...that background with Sidious and Dooku is from Republic Commando. But still cool though
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 1, 2005, 07:02 PM
Yep, that's a borrowed background, after all the custom backgrounds I made for this story, I thought I needed to cheat a little.   ;)

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Reid on November 2, 2005, 07:10 PM
When's #17 comin' out?
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 3, 2005, 12:09 AM
Well I haven't started on it yet... but surely by Thanksgiving weekend I hope!

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Reid on November 3, 2005, 07:53 PM
Well I haven't started on it yet... but surely by Thanksgiving weekend I hope!

 :P

Damn thats too long... I NEED MY RYKROF ENLOE FIX!!!!!!!

jk.
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 12, 2005, 12:45 PM
Well, I had hoped to start on it this weekend.  Last night I was busy, and today is shot.  But maybe tomorrow I can get started.  I'd really like to.

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 16, 2005, 12:21 AM
Hunter, here's a couple preview pics.

(http://chewie34.250free.com/TW1.jpg)

(http://chewie34.250free.com/TW5.jpg)

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Clone Commander on November 16, 2005, 03:52 PM
Whoa, were did that ship come from? :o
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Reid on November 16, 2005, 07:00 PM
It came out of my ass.  :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 20, 2005, 10:40 PM
Disgusting.   ;)

Here's a preview to #17 -

(http://chewie34.250free.com/TwistedAllegiancePoster.jpg)

 :P

Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Jediknight760071 on November 20, 2005, 10:42 PM
Dresselians!!!!! ;)

I know I don't comment much...I need to, but this looks really great.
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 21, 2005, 10:29 AM
Thanks, and I miss all your feedback, and your photonovels... gonna update your story anytime soon?

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: In Rem on November 21, 2005, 10:45 AM
I can't wait, CHEWIE. The poster looks cool... I do hope our new Senator friends' roles will be as prominent as their position on the poster. :)

I have all kinds of thoughts on where this is going, and the poster backs some of them up, but I don't want to run the risk of guessing right or wrong...

Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 21, 2005, 02:34 PM
Well, the senators that you see in the poster really are just a teaser... their role in this won't be too big.  This one will mostly deal with an overall picture of several different characters having twisted allegiances.

Remember on Dathomir, Rykrof downloaded some important information about the Badoo Corba... this data not only contains locations of secret terror cells, but also information on certain supporters of the terrorist movement that are alligned with the Republic.  

He arrived late on Dathomir and the Badoo Corba escaped, he was shot down by a surprise Separatist force, etc - which Palpatine orchestrated.  But to everyone's surprise, he has come up with important information.   This information could sway some to thinking Rykrof is still useful to the Republic... for now.   ;)

This won't be one of the more action packed stories, but will be an important one in the grand scheme of things.  Looking forward to posting it tonight hopefully.

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: In Rem on November 21, 2005, 02:47 PM
You are bolstering my expectations for the next chapter, CHEWIE. I was hoping for more smoke-filled-room insights :)
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Famine on November 22, 2005, 10:59 PM
*Deep breath*

Alright, let me first apologise about the delay in my reveiw on this.

Now, I love what you did with this. You totaly made Rycroff and his crew do their damndest to escape. I knew they would make it out, yet I was worried they wouldn't! Thats a very hard thing to do.

I dig the way you had Assajj get punked out by the Sith Witch, and that not everyone made their way out alive.

Now, I'll reveiw #17!

Great job buddy!

Kevin
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 23, 2005, 10:27 AM
Famine, how dare you take this long.   ;)

With how busy you've been with Kevo's, I'm sure this is the least of your concerns!

I'm very glad that you seemed to enjoy this chapter, you're one of the people that inspires me to keep these going.

Glad that it was ok with you having Ventress get her little ass kicked by Siriadne too.

Like you said, #17 is up, and I'll try and get rolling on #18 soon.

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Ryan on November 27, 2005, 08:12 AM
I finally found a little break from school and have a chance to comment on this, only a month after its debut. :-X I still owe you reviews for #15, #17, and some of your newer customs as well. I'll try and get on that as soon as possible.

I really enjoyed this chapter; I don't think you could have wrapped the Dathomir series up any better.  :)

Crawl:

The text is very well done, you did a nice job of briefing us on the story and bringing us right back up to speed. And you also didn't give anything away. I still think it would look better if it was in perspective and looked like it was crawling, but that really is just a minor gripe.

Establishing shot:

Nothing fancy about this but it does the trick and it is good that you put it in because it helps remind us where we are and what the situation is. It is nice to keep with SW tradition of opening on a starship as well. :)

Frame 2:

Yet another beautiful establishing shot, and it is a good reminder of what just happened.

Frames 3-5:

You did a great job establishing the scene with the first wide shot, showing the characters and the surrounding area, then you moved in nicely for the close-ups. You did a good job creating some suspense as well. But I'm a little confused as too what exactly got the BDs. I'm pretty sure it was Siriadne, but I thought it could have been Ralbar as well.

Frames 6-8:

Another nice little sequence to draw us back into the story and remind us who Rykrof is running from.

Quote
And although he is confident in his tracking abilities, he knows that if he is unsuccessful, Count Dooku’s disciple will surely eliminate Commander Enloe.

It's probably just me but this line sounds a little awkward. I had to read it through a second time and I got what you were saying. But the first time through it sounded like Snodd didn't want her to catch Rykrof, maybe you could reword that little if you do an SE down the road.

Frames 9-16:

I LOVE this sequence there are some great close-ups here the shot of Freelo hiding in the bush is excellent. As are the shots of Siriadne, she looks like such an abomination. The close-up of her is downright creepy, those eyes scare the **** out of me. I'm glad you showed what happened to Rykrof's clone troopers. I like them and wish they would have survived, but from the perspective of the story you did the right thing killing them off, Siriadne has to kill something.  ;) I liked Briss too, but from the moment we saw him I had the feeling he was going to go, especially after he talks about escaping before, I knew he was toast. The effects look great in this sequence, the shot of the shooting from the bushes is one of my favorites. I really liked that you showed Siriadne eating Briss, she wouldn't have been as scary if we only heard stories of her eating people; actually seeing it makes her that much scarier.


Frames 17-19:

I LOVED this sequence as well. We got a nice little dialogue between Rykrof and Traedon. I really thought he was turning on Rykrof, he raises his blaster at just the right time in the conversation that it was very convincing. This was a great little twist. I'm glad Traedon is still a good guy though. :)

Frames 20-28:

This turns into a nice little action sequence, And I'm Really glad Master Shundi is back, he is a great character. And you made your first PN debut! :) I dig Ralbarr's new threads, and I really like the emotional reunion of Ralbarr and Rykrof, it is good to see more depth in Rykrof (not that you haven't shown that already.)

Frames 29-38:

Man this just keeps getting better and better. Excellent cinematography. I really like Shundi's close up, he looks like quite the bad-ass. You captured Ventress' arrogance perfectly, this story really has an EU feel to it, it doesn't feel like fan-fiction at all. I was glad to see her kicked to the curb by Siridne. The lightning effects you use are getting better and better. And the subtle little facial tweaks really help add some emotion to the scene that wouldn't be there because of the otherwise static faces. The little effect for the force push is excellent, it isn't over the top but you can tell that it is there and that Shundi isn't just jumping backwards.

Frames 39-50:

What a great close to the Dathomir series. There are some really good shots in here, I like the one where Freelo jumps out at Shundi. You sure did give yourself quite the gruesome death, though. :P It was cool to see a rancor one last time. I really like the shot of Ralbarr ducking under the wing, it is the little things like that that really bring these scenes to life. I'm not sure that Shundi should have had a gunship manned with clones though, this wasn't technically a sanctioned mission so I'm not sure he would have been able to use them, a Start Destroyer sure, he would have just said he was going out of is way on a patrol, but I think a gunship is pushing his luck a bit.

Frames 51-52:

Very nice establishing shot yet again. The dialogue in this section is perfect, is very fitting of Dooku and Palpy. I'm not so keen on the effects however. I love the RC background but Dooku's face looks really goofy, I think a re-shoot would have worked better than a digital fix. That little dark box next to Palpy is rather distracting and for some reason that is the first thing I see when I see that shot.

Quote
"He is not important in the grand scheme of things.  Nonetheless, he has gained powerful allies, and may prove to be an asset for the time being.   But he will be dealt with in due time," Lord Sidious replies.

I can't even begin to express how happy that line made me. I'm really glad that Rykrof isn't all of a sudden a key galactic player, but he still has a little impact. I think that that is very important, not everyone can be the Republic's biggest hero or the Confederacy's most hated commander.

Frames 53-54:

Another fantastic establishing shot of the Star Destroyer. I like the subtle engine effects and the camera glare of the closer star. I love how you snuck that SD bridge in there. It looks fantastic. The final dialogue is very nicely done, I think that I would have cleaned Rykrof up a bit and maybe given him a clean pair of clothes and a shower, he  has been stuck on a jungle planet for quite some time, I think it would do everyone some good if he were to shower. that really isn't too important though.

Final Frame:

There is no better way to end this than with the star of the Dathomir series. She is so creepy.


Excellent Chapter I'll get to #15 and #17 as soon as I can, it may take awhile if I write another novel sized review for each of them though. ;)
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: CHEWIE on November 29, 2005, 01:56 PM
Ryan, thanks so much for your review.  Getting feedback like this is just what I need to get me motivated to start on #18, which will be another dark chapter and will probably take up two chapters in the series.  Kind of a big idea in my mind, with a somewhat similar situation to Dathomir, but will have more action in it.

Anyways, in regards to a few questions/comments you had -


( 1 ) The Battle Droids were shot down and destroyed by Ralbarr, Kala Mly Shundi and Kovin.

( 2 )  Regarding Snodd's thoughts, basically all I meant there was that if he doesn't find Rykrof, he's pretty sure that Ventress will.  He thinks that at least one of them will succeed.

( 3 ) Glad that you liked her eating Briss.  Kinda sick, but I wasn't able to get all the effects here I wanted.  But there is always the possibility of a return to Dathomir.   ;)

( 4 ) Yeah, Shundi is probably one of my favorite characters in the series.  But I think he might need a new look sometime.  Do you think so?

( 5 ) I'm very happy that you liked the fight sequence involving Ventress and Siriadne.  I know it wasn't overly dramatic, but I did like having Ventress get schooled by Siriadne.  And Kala waking up later but not being eaten to me shows that Siriadne truly is nuts.  She could have killed him, but wandered off in search for the others.

( 6 )  As for their escape, glad you liked a Rancor being shown again, I felt that if I didn't show another one, I was missing out on a great opportunity.  And as for the Gunship, well I just see it as the Jedi at the time having the authority to order clones to do stuff like that.

( 7 ) I agree on Dooku's face, it looks awful.  So I probably won't be doing that any more.  I don't know where that black box came from, I didn't see it before. Damn!  Maybe I'll redo those pics later on.  Glad you liked that line too, I tried to use it to sum up what is going on.

( 8 ) Glad that you liked the ending.  And don't worry, he's all clean and pretty for the next chapter.   ;)


Thanks again for your review Ryan, I really enjoyed it!

 :P
Title: Re: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR
Post by: Deanna Rash on November 25, 2006, 01:01 PM
Wow! the effects and pics were incredible ;D I like it!