Author Topic: Warfare  (Read 1217 times)

Offline Jedi_Knight_Cenvax

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« on: June 10, 2008, 01:28 PM »
I have had this great idea for a photo novel that has been goin through my head repeatidly and had to tell someone.The Prologue:

Time:Takes place after episode 6

In his family,Being a jedi was very rare.But after the birth of three children,two of them having been notibly force-sensitive,were taken away from there family and were escorted to a jedi temple to train.One day at that jedi temple after the brothers had converted there training into knights,there temple was attacked.80% of the jedi were slain.But the two brothers had survived.They fought and slained sith like no others had seen before.The oldest one,Caine was offered to join the sith,or be slained.He chose the to join the sith.While Caine was offered that choice,the youngest one,Cryon had deserted the scene and went into hiding.Now on the other hand,what happened to the middle child you might ask?He was recruited towards the Empire as a soldier,for the recovery of the lost stormtroopers before him,where his father,an emperial knight,had been posted.Although the middle child,Drako,had not been recognized as the emperial general's son,or gifted with force-sensitivity,he was one of the best warhound in the army.Here is the story of Drako Cenvax,Cryon Cenvax,and Caine Farlance.
« Last Edit: June 21, 2008, 09:44 PM by Jedi Commander Locke »
With my dreaded father deserting me,and my master sparing me,i will put order in the force!

Offline jedipurge

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Re: Warfare
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2008, 01:39 PM »
change the names-sound too earthy. 
Imperial.  Empire.
Harmless is the most dangerous of perceptions, you never expect it to strike.-Purge

Offline ctonra

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Re: Warfare
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2008, 02:39 PM »
Sounds good, I would change the names too.  Make them sound more like the belong in the Star Wars Universe.  Also what time period would this be in? 
Stimpy, sometimes your wealth of ignorance astounds me.

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: Warfare
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2008, 03:19 PM »
There's some things here that I like, and some that I don't really care for.

First, I like seeing another person getting involved in creating their own photonovels, and the storyline could be interesting.

What I don't care for is the names you've chosen, or the writing style... it's hard for me to understand what you're conveying here, and it doesn't help that you haven't broken it into paragraphs and also have a lot of grammar errors.

I do wish you the best on this though, and please feel free to ask questions, etc... looking forward to seeing a couple pics.  If you have any test shots, please share a few.

Offline nheimbigner

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Re: Warfare
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2008, 06:16 PM »
maybe KOTOR, KPOTOR2 time mandalores time banes time