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« on: February 3, 2006, 06:41 AM »
GREAT to see another chapter!
Since I never finished posting in-depth comments for #18, I won't delay and will dive right into a detailed critique:
Not much to say about the opening couple of panels. Great choice of background for the sky and I always love seeing the awesome modular diorama pieces you've created. They look great and are very versatile!
By the way, though, since we're seeing the ROTS Jedi fighter, I'm wondering what the current time frame of the story is. Will we see the clone armor change in the near future? At what point in the war are we?
You always do great work with Dooku and the dialogue is terrific, but the first shot of Dooku seems slightly off. I think it's his posture, he seems to be leaning too much. I dunno, I always think of Dooku as standing up straight, making for an imposing presence.
By the way, the new Shundi figure is great. I can't remember if this is his first chapter or not (somehow I don't think so), but I think it's a big improvement. I was never a fan of the look of this character, mostly because the head is too small...but the new cloak helps mitigate that fact.
Great photomanipulation with the eyes! And I like how Dooku and Shundi are willing to discuss a temporary truce to deal with the Badoo Corba...and I can't wait to see how this relationship plays out, as Dooku tries to seduce Shundi (no, not in THAT way). Very cool.
I like the shot of Ventress and the cool Quinlan custom, but this shot seems like a non-sequitir. Why are we cutting to these two during Dooku's conversation with Shundi? A close up of Dooku would have been more appropriate here, during this very important moment, as Dooku tries to tempt Shundi. The scene loses its impact a bit with this odd cutaway to characters we never see again in this chapter. Are these guys nearby? Observing? Obviously, they both have a connection to the Dark Side and are students of Dooku (I think, I'm not really clear on Vos' backstory), but it seems out of place here.
I think you should have given us an establishing shot of the Yinchorr system, if only because the "sets" between the two locations look a bit similar and it might have helped us mentally distance ourselves from the previous scene.
Love to see Zeedo Chiss back! Aside from quick cameos, he's been MIA for some time now. And he was one of the earliest Badoo members we've seen.
Troffar was never my favorite, if only because the body seems just a bit small for the head. He looks like he's squeezed himself into a too small outfit. The Nikto custom is a good addition, though.
I'm not crazy about the Nikto's first line, though. "Republic fool." Feels a little corny, a little too cheesy and villain-y.
Judiss is a cool new character, though, but I'm wondering why he outranks Zeedo. Since we have known Zeedo longer, it just feels like he should be more senior. But that's not really a criticism. I like Judiss, he's a little more nuanced than the other members and is a fine addition to the overall story.
I like how Judiss has legitimate gripes against the Republic, it makes him a more sympathetic and layered character, especially since Rykrof is not unaware of the Republic's shortcomings. And I'm very glad that the Badoo Corba as a whole is starting to make more sense. Now they have a definite goal and are using terrorism to try to achieve it. In earlier chapters, I mentioned how we never really knew what these guys wanted and I found it a little difficult to get a handle on what the point of the organization was. But I think you've definitely answered those questions now.
Good ol' Rykrof! Despite all he's been through, he still believes in the Republic! And I love the custom job here, with the bruising and the facial scruff. How many different Rykrof's do you have at this point? The mind boggles...
There are some creepy historical parallels with this chapter and some very ugly events in recent history with soldiers captured by terrorists. Not exactly sure how I feel about that...
Hmm. Though I'm sure the Veers figure is great (haven't found one yet, but all the pics look terrific), I'm not sure I'm jazzed about his flared pants. I frankly think Tarkin would have looked better in his original version, rather than this custom. Or maybe it's just his arm position. In this shot, it looks like he's patting his full belly after a nice meal.
I would have liked to hear a reaction from Tylin in this scene, as his feelings about Rykrof have certainly been divided lately....
By the way, the executioner is one scary-looking SOB!
Very minor gripe - it seems like your holograms should be a little more blue.
LOVE poor Alyssa's tears. Great effect! But I don't like the backdrop in this scene. But that's a minor nitpick.
Poor Freelo! heh! That lovably inappropriate goof!
Mubbas is a real bastard! he definitely feels like a very different character from his brother - more violent, more nasty, more hot-tempered. Well done. A real jerk, that guy! And the torture rack is friggin' brilliant!
Judiss is a cool guy! I hope this guy eventually turns his back on Mubbas and the organization. Though you misidentify him in one panel as Mubbas.
Oh, man, a cliffhanger! Wow, this chapter REALLY has me on the edge of my seat for the next installment.
On balance, a fine addition, but not really much of a "stand alone" chapter, since it picks up a cliffhanger from before and ends on another one.
I'm very eager to see what will happen with Rykrof and I'm also very intrigued by the subplot with Shundi and Dooku! Well done! And I'm very glad that you gave some much-needed development to the Badoo Corba. And Mubbas really is a friggin' ass.
Can't wait for the next update!!
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