Hey, Chewie....here are some more detailed thoughts (even though you never replied to my commentary for #17!
)
While, in general, I am glad we learn a little more about the Badoo Corba in this chapter, I think you should have at least mentioned their motivation in the opening crawl. We've been dealing with these guys for a loong time and only now are we getting a glimpse into their motives. Terrorist organizations exist to advance political or ideological agendas and, so far, we don't really know what these guys really want. They don't like the Republic, obviously, but they aren't working with the CIS.....so please keep giving us more info about them.
It's not especially clear why Ryrkrof is being sent to find the Quarren. Who is he betraying the Republic TO? The CIS or the Badoo Corba?
The opening shot of the ships and planets is cool, but - and this is a very minor nitpick - most of your shots like this seem more "Star Trek" than "Star Wars". In Trek, we always had establishing shots showing the Enterprise looking huge with a small planet in background, which was never really realistic. But "Star Wars" has some great shots showing a vast, panoramic planet-view with a ship flying over it. I think you should try a shot like that sometime.
The sets in this chapter are really fantastic! And you do an excellent, excellent job of combining the practical effects with digital enhancements. The opening battle shots are wonderful, with the cloudy, smoggy skies and digital buildings in the background. The dioramas are very well-made and I love the various blast marks that dot the scenery.
I agree with the comment about shortening the blaster bolts. Also try to darken the colors just a bit, sometimes your sabers and lasers look just a little too 'white' and washed out. Not always, though.
LOVE Freelo and his new look. The "Tortoise" line is fantastic! Good use of Owen's cool speeder. However, since we establish that this location is a kind of base for our heroes, why not throw in that computer terminal or something like that. As it is, it looks a little too similiar to the rest of locations.
Oh, and why isn't Shundi out on the battle field? I can understand Rykrof's friends waiting on the sidelines, but a Jedi? I knew there was a reason I never liked Shundi!
The Rykrof custom is terrific, as always. However, I think it's time to vary his look a little bit. He's looked the same way for over ten years, all the way back to the first chapter, which was TPM era. Time for you to sculpt a full beard for him (the "stubble" look from the Dathomir chapters was awesome!) and I think you might try giving him grey temples or something. He's older and battle hardened now, but still looks as fresh-faced as ever.
I agree with
Longhorn about dialogue, which is something I've always said. Don't have Freelo "mumble under his breath", give him LINES! Narration is certainly important, but you need to give your characters as much dialogue as is possible to flesh them out and make them feel real. You do a great job when you write it, so don't hold back!!
I love how Freelo is pretending to be all brave and eager to fight! Such a wonderful character!
GREAT to see Shaak Ti, a terrific character. Love the custom gear, too.
Love Owens' custom hangar vehicle thingy!
The opening battle shots are, as always, fantastic! Explosions! Droids! Blasters! You're truly amazing with this stuff!
The "commander center", as I said, doesn't really look like much, just an empty corner of cement with a wall missing. A few more do-dads and props would have helped flesh it out. But I really like the interplay between the characters. I think Ralbarra should be frustrated, too, as he's such a loyal friend of Ryrkrof's...
Thank God the preview shots of Freelo were misleading! Freelo lives!! The whole armor bit is BRILLIANT and works extremely well. The smoke coming off the armor is another excellent touch. It's this kind of attention to detail which really makes your series special. The stories are great, the photos are great, but you really go that extra mile to make the series truly amazing.
Freelo's line after recovering his hilarious! But I think you meant to write "springs FROM the ground" or springs to HIS FEET."
The shot of Mundi and the troops is terrific. Great use of debris, both practical and digital.
The shots of Yamrii scavening are also great, but I don't think you should have used the same speeder in the background, unless you are establishing that our characters took that speeder to find him, which isn't clear.
Good dialogue from Yamrii! The character isn't on screen for much time, but definitely makes a distinct impression! Well-done.
LOVE the warehouse shots, the use of the wooden door is very clever.
There is so much awesome detail in these sets. The grates on the wall, the stains, etc. Truly top notch work!
....okay, I have to run for now, I'll finish the commentary later. Another TERRIFIC chapter!
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