Infidelity.....what say you?

[Darth Slothus]

I will not...In their case..they're happy, so I'm happy for them.

[Rob]

I knew it...a 20:1 trap thread

You sure called it... 

[John C]

I was never cheated on as far as I know, but my wife was cheated on.  One guy she dated for several years was seeing three women at once and he had them unaware of the others.  He was one smooth bastard.  Eventually my wife found out about the other women, but didn't confront the jerk right away.  She went to the other women and told them what had been going on.  One of the others joined with her and they confronted him and dumped him on the spot.  The other woman ended up marrying him. 
This was about ten years ago.  My wife still has some trust issues even though I am nothing like her ex.  I would never do anything to hurt her and I tell her constantly.  She is the only woman for me and I tell her that, too.  She is relaxing more as time goes by, but I always let her know my location when we are apart so she doesn't get nervous.  I have to, or she thinks I might be out nailing hoochies because of what that POS did to her.

[stormie]

Many cheaters cheat because of insecurity and self-esteem issues. Their own lack of confidence leads them into the "arms" of others just for affirmation that anyone would want them. However, interestingly but disturbingly, the innocent partners that were betrayed now must deal with their own insecurity and self-esteem issues because of the infidelities.

I had a very long-term relationship that ended when the woman betrayed my trust with a fleeting affair. Regardless of her reasons (which will never be cause enough), I must now deal with trust, self-esteem and insecurity issues for the rest of my life. No matter how hard I try, I know I will never trust anyone as much again. I know I am not as close to my wife as I was with this other woman, and I know that I now am more apt to find myself in situations that could lead to infidelity, just because my own trust was once broken. I will always seek reaffirmation, but always doubt it. It's ****** and the shrink bills get expensive.

[Sprry75]

I finally see another post of a different color in here.

Slothus, it's against my better judgment to say this, but get off you high horse of 20:1 statistics and reread page one. Namely, my reply there.

What makes Ryan's post really interesting is the fact that he once practiced divorce law and heard more cases with intimate details than most of us could imagine.

"I'm not only the I Hate Sprry75 Club president, I'm also a client"

Welcome to the official "I hate Sprry75" fan club, guys.

I've been a member for years.

I hate Sprry75, too.  

Boy, it feels good to finally get that off my chest.

I can say that of the hundreds of divorce cases I worked on, easily more than 50% of them involved pornography, which was then a gateway to infidelity.

There were a couple of cases where marriages broke up because of infidelities where husbands started banging their secretaries or old high school sweethearts or whatever, but the vast majority were dudes who were looking at internet porn and then got into random sex swinging type sites.

Crazy.  Man, I had this one client...whoa.  If it weren't for the attorney client privilege, and the fact that I finally gave him his hard-drive back when the case ended, I'd tell you all a story.  The dude, we'll call him "ScottMattyRob," was into the freakiest **** I have ever seen.  Whoa.

Come to think of it, a big part of the reason I hate Sprry75 so bad is because he chose a profession where I would be exposed to pictures of flabby, pasty dudes dressed up in sundresses sticking their fingers...well, nevermind.

Suffice to say, there's a lot to hate.  A lot.

[Rob]

I can say that of the hundreds of divorce cases I worked on, easily more than 50% of them involved pornography, which was then a gateway to infidelity.

Odd.  I've always thought that pornography would be a great release valve to curb urges of infidelity.  These must be the same people who play violent video games and then go on shooting sprees.

[Force Guy]

Huge difference between mutually-consented-to swinging, and getting some on the side, without the other one knowing.

Not even close.

Roger that.  A mutual understanding is one thing.  Deception is another.

I'm glad that so many of you provided your input.  It's greatly appreciated.  It's also good to "see" some old faces and to be welcomed back (MWB, Sprry75, Deanpaul, Angry Ewok, Jesse James, Scott, etc.).  And yes, Sprry75, I'm down for your proposition, provided your wife isn't violent. 

Back to the topic at hand, as you can guess, I was the unfortunate victim of infidelity, which is the major reason why my nearly 10-year marriage failed & I ended up divorced.  I am now another statistic.  Not to put my personal life out there, but I thought you guys should know since I've been gone for a such a long time & that's the main reason why.  It's been horrible, especially since we have a 6-yr. old daughter together (which really complicates things).  Our divorce was finalized in Feb '05, and to this day, I've had a hard time adjusting.  It sucks.   

[Sprry75]

Buddy, that sucks.  I'd like to say it will take time, but my guess is you'll never really get over it.  Just cherish your daughter, and then get your hot ass to Utah for some Sprry75 lovin'.

Mrs. Sprry75 isn't violent; in fact, she'll probably be running the camera.

[JoshEEE]

Back to the topic at hand, as you can guess, I was the unfortunate victim of infidelity, which is the major reason why my nearly 10-year marriage failed & I ended up divorced.

Man, that's a real bummer. After 10 years, I imagine you figure you have it made. I've become much less cynical about marriage since I agreed to partake in it myself, but stories like this always make me worry a little.

 The thing that keeps ringing through my head as I read all these posts is that a good portion of the folks in this thread may have been cheated on more than they know.  It's not a hard thing to get away with and most of the time you only find out about it because the other person decides to tell you out of guilt.

It's happened to me before a couple of times (that I know of) back in my younger days and I have been the guilty party (or helped someone else cheat) before too.

The only thing I've learned from cheating, hooking up with someone who's in a relationship, or being cheated on is that nothing is forever and words are only words, no matter what people think.   

[JesseVader08]

This has been a very interesting read.  My ex ****** around on me and I'd probably cut out her eyes if I saw her again, but I'm over it. 

Seriously though, we hadn't been dating long, so I didn't really have much emotionally invested.  It didn't hurt me as much as it would if the same was done to me by my wife since we've been together for nearly 10 years.  It would definitely cut me to the core, but I don't know if I'd walk or stay and try to work it out.  I really believe that every situation is different, even though my initial reaction is yell that it's unforgiveable.

[Darth Slothus]

I am now in my 14th marriage year...there was a real tough,rough area about 7 years ago(itch?) and the last almost 7 years have been better than the first 7. I did not get into relationships before marriage because I didn't want (or care) to know about 'infidelity' happening in a possible relationship. After my manwhore years were over I got married.

My father was a cheater and my parents were divorced at my age 5 and it does affect you. I remember saying I would never become him...whatta hypocrisy that became .

Life goes on and will pass you by if you allow it. Lose the hate.

[Tracy]

The guy I dated before I met my husband screwed around on me.  Only I didn't find out about it until right after we broke up.  I felt betrayed and humiliated and then when I started to put the pieces together I felt like an idiot.    I carried a lot of mistrust and anger with me for a long time  -  which I subsequently took out on my husband when we first met.   Aside from the mistrust, there are also the health issues -  I was pretty angry that he put my health and fertility at risk.

After that I swore infidelity was a deal breaker -- that it was a black and white issue.  Now I'm not so sure I would end my marriage and allow my family to fall apart without a fight.  For me, it would depend on the situation and if it was the only time it happened.  I just can't imagine how devastating it would be to a marriage and a family. 

Fortunately, my husband is the best thing that's ever happened to me and has never done anything to breech my trust.   

[JesseVader08]

Fortunately, my husband is the best thing that's ever happened to me

After JD, of course.

[Force Guy]

Fortunately, my husband is the best thing that's ever happened to me

After JD, of course.

Heh.  Naturally. 

Of course, infidelity isn't always a physical thing, is it?  I mean, a wandering eye can be just as harmful, right?  While it's technically not "cheating," it is admiring or lusting after someone else, correct?  Maybe I'm wrong (imagine that).

[Rob]

The guy I worry about is the guy the girlfriend makes some kind of emotional connection with - not the one she thinks is good looking.