Author Topic: Henry Phoenix #1 - The Order  (Read 996 times)

Offline Phoenix

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Henry Phoenix #1 - The Order
« on: July 13, 2006, 08:21 AM »
Henry Phoenix - Prologue

After getting the Imperials after him, Henry Phoenix went back to the base where his boss, Felon Yorker, was supposed to be. Henry interrogated some Imperials about Felon's location and he found that Felon was imprisoned.
Henry and Felon became good friends and they stole some top secret information and gave that information over to the rebels.
After selling the information, Henry and Felon went to Cloud City because they thought that they'd be safe there, but instead Lando Calrissian almost killed Felon (because of his Imperial uniform) and imprisoned Henry.
Henry was freed from the prison by his brother, legendary Jack Phoenix.
Together they went to scare Lando and without a notice, Jack was gone...once again.
Henry tried to escape and he found a wounded Felon lying on the street.
Henry tried to help his friend out of the city, but there was an Imperial admiral waiting for them. And Jack came again out of nowhere and beat the admiral without guns.

The three friends returned to Coruscant and agreed to get a drink, but the bartender was killed with a knife. Jack thought that it was a clear message and it was: Boba Fett appeared and pointed a rifle at Jack's forehead. Despite the rifle, Jack struggled with Fett and won the fight. But just then a legion of Imperial stormtroopers arrived. Henry and Felon had to flee and Jack's destiny is still unknown.
Henry and Felon joined the Rebellion, at least for some time after the events on Coruscant.

(And I'm really sorry about the huge prologue: it was supposed to be the first Henry Phoenix-photonovel, but...)

The following takes place at 3 ABY.

Somewhere in Coruscant, Henry Phoenix and his pal, Felon Yorker, are drinking some drinks. After all, it's a hard job to avoid any Imperial officers.

Felon Yorker: you remember the time when "Tread" Brokle came to arrest you?
Henry Phoenix: Yeah, certainly! That guy was a moron!

Informant: Mr. Henry Phoenix, brother of Jack Phoenix?
Felon Yorker: Maybe. It depends on who's asking.
Henry Phoenix: Yes, I am. What is it?

Informant: Your brother wanted you to have this...and come to the address...
Henry Phoenix: Thank you...I guess. I will come.

Felon Yorker: What was that?
Henry Phoenix: It was about Jack...we'd better get going now. Okay?
Felon Yorker: Yeah.

Curtis Manning: Now THAT was intresting, if anything!
Bartender: Grooww! Rooooaaarr!

Bartender: Raarrarrhh...rraaahhah!
Curtis Manning: *choke*...If it's about the drink...I will*gasp*

Informant: ...!
Darth Vader: I have been waiting for you.

Darth Vader: Boy, I want to know where the Order of the Phoenix is located.
Informant: I...*gasp*...die rather than tell you...

Darth Vader: That's a fine idea.

Elsewhere on Coruscant:
Henry Phoenix: I'll try to find someone. Try to look like that you were guarding Curtis.
Felon Yorker: Okay, boss.

Galen Nire: Hello. Who are you?
Henry Phoenix: I'm Henry, Jack's brother.
Galen Nire: But those clothes are not good for the Grand Master's brother!

Galen Nire: Buud, get here now.
Buud (on commlink): Yes sir.

Buud: How can I help you, Master Nire?
Galen Nire: Take mr. Phoenix to a locker room and give him some appropriate clothes.
Buud: As you wish.

Buud: I can take that staff, sir.
Felon Yorker: What? Oh, this? Go ahead.

Buud: Let's go, sir.
Henry Phoenix: Okay...

Felon Yorker: Well, well, look at you! A Jedi Master!
Henry Phoenix: Yeah. We need to hide Curtis, because the people down there do not actually like anbody with an Imperial uniform.
Felon Yorker: But how do we do that?

Henry Phoenix: That's why I brought this.
Felon Yorker: A piece of some cape?
Henry Phoenix: We need to hide Curtis's face. I found one empty room. It's W2.

Henry Phoenix: But now, come on! I'll take care of those people.

Xentor Helros: An Imperial down here?
Fitch Adell: This is outrageous!

Henry Phoenix: Please, sirs, I promise I will explain this to you.
Rash Skyhek (thinking): I wonder who is under that hood?

Henry Phoenix: So, uh...what is this representing?
Xentor Helros: It's the fight between our teams and Imperial forces in Ansion.

Rash Skyhek: Look, Qymael, I think that now would be a good time.
Qymael: But I don't have any weapons!

Rash Skyhek: Well then, take this saber and let's get going. Are you sure that you remember your part?
Qymael: Yes, I am!

Rash Skyhek: Excuse me, Master Nire?
Galen Nire: What is it, Rash?

Qymael: Take that!
Buud: O-ouch...

Rash Skyhek: Nobody move or the old man dies!
Xentor Helros: Oh...
Henry Phoenix: ...My...
Fitch Adell: ...Lord!

Qymael: Everybody against the wall or Mr. Phoenix dies!
Henry Phoenix: Do not obey...

Qymael: Now what, Rash?
Rash Skyhek: You keep an eye on the hostages while I try to hack into the system.
Qymael: With pleasure...may I interrogate them?
Rash Skyhek: Yeah, go ahead.

Qymael: Nobody move or my lightsaber will do the talking! Okay?

Qymael: And now, Mr. need to learn to behave nicely!
Galen Nire (whispering): I can't just sit here and watch...
Fitch Adell (whispering): What are you going to do?
Galen Nire (whispering): To end this.

Qymael: Mwahahaa! Do you now know ho to behave, Mr. Phoenix!
Galen Nire: Behave this!

Qymael: You shouldn't have done that!
Fitch Adell: Galen...Nooooooo!
Rash Skyhek: Now what?
Qymael: He tried to attack...self-defense, that's all.

Qymael: Now, get in the line unless you want to join your friend in the Force!

Qymael: And keep your hands in the air!
Rash Skyhek: Good job, Qymael.

Felon Yorker: Wh...?
Fitch Adell (whispering): Invasion...hide..


Qymael: Get up, dirty Jedi scum!
Fitch Adell: O-oww...don't think I can...

Qymael: Show some respect to me, Jedi!
Fitch Adell: Yeoooowww!

Rash Skyhek: What's going on here?
Qymael: Not much. The Jedi was disobeying my orders, that's all.
Felon Yorker (thinking): Just a few inches...and then...

Felon Yorker: Surrender now, invaders!
Rash Skyhek: He has your lightsaber, Qymael!
Qymael: How rude!

Qymael: Aaarrgghhhh!
Felon Yorker: I told you so...
Fitch Adell: You're not going anywhere, traitor!
Rash Skyhek: Ouch...

Fitch Adell: He's not going anywhere. Get something so that I can tie him up, Xentor.
Xentor Helros: Of course.

Xentor Helros: Here's a chain of some sort.

Fitch Adell: And now, traitor, you will enter the world of pain!
Rash Skyhek: Save me, please!
Xentor Helros: Fitch!
Fitch Adell: I was just scaring him, that's all.

Henry Phoenix: I want to thank you for saving my life.
Felon Yorker: Nah, that was really no biggie. I like to kill Imperial spies.

Fitch Adell: He's tied up.
Xentor Helros: Good. Now we need to get somebody to take him to an interrogation room.
Fitch Adell: I can do it.

Xentor Helros: Well, I don't know...
Fitch Adell: Good. I'll call somebody to prepare an interrogation room.

Fitch Adell: Sirs, if you have no problem with it, I'd like to take the prisoner to the interrogation room.
Henry Phoenix: I would be more comfortable if felon would take him.
Fitch Adell: Okay then.

Fitch Adell: You got lucky...

Fitch Adell: Bantha poodoo!
Rash Skyhek: stomach...

Fitch Adell: What are you looking at? It was self-defense!
Xentor Helros: Yeah right. Sure.
Henry Phoenix: Don't worry. I won't let him near you.

And soon:
Curtis Manning: Who's this?
Felon Yorker: He's Rash and he's a spy for the Empire.

Felon Yorker: I think that he should be interrogated.
Curtis Manning: I agree.
Felon Yorker: So...

Rash Skyhek: Please, no! Mercy!
Felon Yorker: You can't have!

Rash Skyhek: AAARRRGGHH! My eye!

Felon Yorker: Look, I need to go. Keep an eye for him and make sure that nobody but me or Henry gets near him.
Curtis Manning: Okay.

Comments and feedback are always more than welcome! :)
« Last Edit: July 21, 2006, 08:04 AM by Phoenix »
This space intentionally left blank.

Offline CHEWIE

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Re: Henry Phoenix #1 - The Order
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2006, 12:31 PM »
Another chapter!  I had a little trouble following some of it as I'd like to see more description sometimes that just dialogue, but you are clearly improving.  The only gripe I probably have is using a Grievous as a main character, and I was expecting more from Vader.

Interesting story though, and really nice to see your customs improving.


Offline Swede

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Re: Henry Phoenix #1 - The Order
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2006, 01:05 PM »
Cool.  Fun story.  It looks like you had a lot of fun making your customs.  That's an area where I really need to improve.  Keep them coming! ;D
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

Offline Diddly

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Re: Henry Phoenix #1 - The Order
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2006, 07:09 PM »
Interesting story you have here. I agree with CHEWIE in that I think you should add some descriptions of the actions. But other than that it was a very enjoyable read. I also liked the Cantina, good job using those "posters"! :)
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