Kids. Have them? Want them? Despise them?

[Snively Bandar]

I was just curious as to how many of the older folks around here have children.  If so, how many?  Do you enjoy having them, or regret having them, or a little of both?  Do they drive you insane?  If you don't have kids, are you happy that you chose not to, or do you feel left out that most other people have them but you don't?

I'm about to get engaged, and neither myself nor my girlfriend are sure if we really want kids or not at this point.  Seems like we should have them, but we often get driven a little crazy by the antics of many other kids that we see with our friends, families, or when we're out in public.  We go back and forth on the decision, so I was wondering what everyone else's thoughts were on the matter.  Please be honest, and don't rip people who might be on the other side of the fence!  

So?

[Nicklab]

None that I know of  

[dustrho]

I've been married for three years, and we currently don't have any kids.  We are planning on having kids in about a year or so.

[Ben]

I was dating a girl that had a kid, and I've come to not really like kids all that much. I can certainly see where the term 'rugrat' came from, now.

[Carrie M]

Don't have 'em, don't want 'em. I like my freedom, and I like traveling. I have zero maternal instinct, unless you count that inclination towards cats.  

[Morgbug]

Have one.  Unbelievable kid, great kid, super kid.  Just a riot to have around, lots of work too (of course we could pretty easily ignore her and have her turn out to be a slug).  

My wife and I, when we married (I was 29, she 28) had little or no interest in kids.  Didn't like em much (though they are drawn to me for some reason - I swear, I try to be mean), hated most other peoples kids, routinely disgusted by the way most parents didn't pay attention.  Sound familiar?

Flash forward 6 years, wife comes up to me and says we should have a kid  Uh, ok.  Not as bad as it sounds.  I was sort of thinking the same thing.  Plus they're lots of fun to make  Sure enough, we had/have one.  Beautiful little girl.  

Has she been lots of work?  Yup, incredible amounts and we still see parents that make no effort.  Net result, their kids and little snots and we end up being the ones policing their behaviours.  None of my business?  Uh-uh, my kid will try to do the same.  Just cuz someone else is too lazy to move their butt to do anything about little Johnny/Janey whipping stones at other kids doesn't mean I won't say something.  

Restrict your freedom?  Oh yeah baby.  But you get used to it and we are pretty close to even partners.  Make no mistake, for the first several years the woman does more work and it likely continues that way just because that is the role of the "mom".  But you can travel with them and go to most things (outside of say an AC/DC concert with a 9 day old baby ) and it's really not very restrictive.  Our daughter has her own frequent flyer card, has been on 7 flights so far and never been much of a problem.  She travels by car very well too.  It's what they get used to and if it's no big deal to them, it's no big deal to you.  Of course, once they pass 2 years old, they cost just as much as a big person to fly, but they take up one seat, so it may suck, but it is reasonable.  

Be careful CC, that's about all the maternal instinct Mrs. Bug had as well.  And I am not kidding.  

So tons of work, poopy diapers, loss of sleep, stress and worry, puking on your shirt, utter and complete lack of logic.  

Best thing that ever happened to me.

I would never crap on anyone that doesn't want them, but I am sure glad we had one.  

[Carrie M]

Be careful CC, that's about all the maternal instinct Mrs. Bug had as well.  And I am not kidding.  

Ah, careful nothin'.  

I've known that I don't want kids since I was a kid myself. I don't mind them, and even love one or two of them (best friends' kids), but I like cats much better, when it comes down to any sort of little creature living with me. I have friends that try to talk me into having kids frequently, and I can never understand why they don't get the point, that some people just don't want to have children of their own.

[Morgbug]

I assure you I was not trying to convince you.  Merely warning you of a similarity in viewpoint.  If you don't want kids, that's cool.  It's your life after all.  

I think the most boggling thought is how many utterly unprepared and incompetent people have kids.  Jeez, we have licenses for cars, there should be licenses for kids too.  

[Carrie M]

I assure you I was not trying to convince you.  Merely warning you of a similarity in viewpoint.  If you don't want kids, that's cool.  It's your life after all.  

I think the most boggling thought is how many utterly unprepared and incompetent people have kids.  Jeez, we have licenses for cars, there should be licenses for kids too.  

Oh, I know you weren't trying to convince me dear.  

And I agree with you, about the licensing thing. I also think people should go through a rigorous screening process in order to own a pet.

[Jimmy]

I have three... Hey it's the magic number right?

Actually two biological... and one not. Though I treat Neal no differently. He's 12 and our oldest. He's a lot of work and honestly I could've bailed very early on but I love my now wife and knew of the "baggage" prior.

He's on three meds and has been diagnosed and rediagnosed several times now... I think we are almost at a final diagnose though of bi-polar.

It can be tough but... you stick out.

Imagine though dealing w/ what he can dish out and having two smaller children (1- 4 yr old and 1- 1 1/2 yr old). I love my kids to death and am glad I had them.

We have two boys Neal -12, Jimmy Jr. -4, and mommy got her girl finally Jenna -1 1/2. They can test your last nerve no doubt about that but they are kids... and that in general seems to be their job.

We put them here by our own will and choice basically and now have to make sure they turn out good. That's our job.

We could like Morg said let them run rampant... but there's plenty enough parents that do that job quite well.
It's tough but you make it through. It's tough seeing them sick... sometimes very... and there's little you can do...

It's beautiful; though to just wake and see their devilish little faces still sleeping sometimes...

There are plus and minus sides of having kids... but the plus far outweighs minus IMHO.

They do take a huge chunk of that do anything... anytime attitude... but you know that's part of it in advance.
We do make sure though we have our time and our nights... Just had one last night and I got pretty boozled up

Alls good though we have my mom to watch them and a great sitter. We had a lot of fun club/bar hopping... came home had more fun... umm yeah anyway....

I know we are done though... How so? Well I got the sure fire way of knowing done over a year ago now LOL
They are great but three is ENOUGH!!! Not eight  

I respect those that choose not to have kids...
I also respect the fact they don't because I think some of the throw away kids come from those never wanting... but had anyway...

That makes me sick... If you don;t want cool... but don't have anyway... unless you are like Morg and have a change of heart.

[Dimetrodon]

Don't Have Any...
Way too young for it, hehe, just turned 18.

But all in all i love kids.
i've watched them my whole life, all little cousins and such.
and my aunts and uncles have made sure to make more and more too.. feh..
hehe

most are lots of work, but it depends on how you raise them.
my one uncles kids are fabulous. like perfect almost.
good manors, loving, kind, smart. they are 3, 11, and 1

but my other uncle... his kids are maniacs, loud, obnoxious, annoying, mean, they bite, pinch and pull.
i love em, but get keep distance.. after a while.
they are now 6 and 8
and act just the same as they did at 2 and 4...

when and if you have kids, just make sure to do it the right way. be good with them and in return the results are great.

When i get married, i'd like only one kid.
easier to manage, and there is no possibility for cibling rivalry...lol

[JediMAC]

Kids, huh?  Have 'em?  No.  Want 'em?  No.  Despise 'em?  No.

Patty and I don't plan on ever having kids.  Neither of us are interested in being parents really, and for some odd reason we just don't have any of those fraternal or maternal instincts built into us.  Everyone says that's very strange, especially for Patty, and like Brent's mentioning to Carrie - most everyone we know says that we'll eventually have a change of heart, or Patty's "clock will start ticking", etc., and that we'll finally pump a couple of 'em out.

Not gonna happen.  I guess we're just pretty selfish really, and don't want to spend the time constantly caring for and being concerned about another life(s).  It's definitely not the norm, we realize, but that's our plan.  We don't want to have to look after little ones, we want to be "free" to do whatever we want without making all of our plans revolve around the kids, we want to be able to pack up and bail to wherever at a moment's notice, we don't want to deal with the overall stress and financial obligation of raising children.  I need all of that money for my Star Wars collection dammit!  

I think we'll more than likely be the only couple in our various circles of friends who won't ever wind up having kids.  Most of our friends already do, and oddly enough, we just found out about an hour ago that the only other couple that wasn't planning on having any, just got pregnant.  Go figure...    It can (and will) be pretty tough when we get together for social functions and such, where all people do is talk about their kids.  I think we'll feel a little left out in that respect.

There's also definitely a feeling of guilt when it comes down to not providing either of our sets of parents with grandkids.  That hurts pretty bad sometimes, especially when our only two siblings (my sister, Patty's brother) don't look like they're going to be having kids any time soon.  So the sense of obligation to provide some is a little disheartening, but none of our parents give us any grief over it of course.  They've come to understand now that it's just not in our game plan.  Not to mention I absolutely can't stand the poopy diapers, the drooling, the spitting up, and the general all around mess of young tikes.  My meticulous and perfectionist personality just can't really deal with all that "stuff"!

But "feeling left out" and "feeling guilty for the lack of grandkids" are just obviously not good enough reasons to go and create a human life or two.  Though we don't mind other people's kids (usually), we're just not kid people ourselves...

What's funny is that I have bets with almost all of my guy buddies that I'll wind up having kids sometime before I'm in my late 30's, or so.  I stand to win a fair amount of cash, and a TON of free beer if I stick with the plan and not have any little ones, thus winning many a bet with the fellas!

I think we're just going to settle for being "dog people"...    

[jadesfire]

I have two children and they are the joy of my life.  Since one is now in college and the other a senior in high school, I've already been through "the stages"  .

Was it tough?  Hell yes, teen peer pressure is much worse than the terrible two's.  We all survived because our children were raised to mind their manners, have respect for others and most important - Respect for themselves.

We have been continually told be family, friends and co-workers how lucky we are to have children that are social butterfiles but never fell to peer pressure and rose above a lot of conflicts to be leaders in their class and community.  My reply has always been the same; "luck-hell, it's called being involved with your kids".

In short, my kids are my life and though I didn't choose this path, I give thanks everyday for them.  (Besides, I'm still a kid at heart and playing Barbies, GI Joe, X-men and all that with them wasn't a job, it was like winning the lottery!!  ).

[Morgbug]

Matt,
I have to clarify.  I'm not trying to suggest that Patty'c or CC's "biological clock" will be or is ticking.  I'm only suggesting that when my wife told me she wanted a kid, you could have pretty much knocked me over with a feather.  I was pleased but completely blown away.  OUt of the blue.  

It will be tough, not having kids when all the other couples in social circles do.  That is an excellent observation.  Their lives will focus on their kids activities (they HAVE to) and their schedules will be largely dictated by them.  One thing we've done is start going to social outings solo.  One or the other goes and behaves as an adult.  Or, on the rare occasions when we get a sitter, we try not to talk about the kid, though that seems to be the focus for adult conversation.  

And should you lose your mind (and money and beer) just remember they are a great way to justify the purchase of even more toys.

[Scott]

Our son Max is 16 months old and has been the absolute joy of our lives.  I guess the thought never croseed either of our lives that we never would have children and having Max makes me want to have around 3-4 more they are that much fun.  I can say that now because I have a long way to go until the onset of teenagitis.  

The unsolicited hugs, the fact that he missed me immensly last week and kept saying "daddy, daddy" all week just melts my heart.  

All that being said I also am a firm believer in population control and the site of families of 8 kids rolling out of beat up sedans or vans just chaps my hide.  Which is why I don't think we will have more than 2 kids.  Education on birth control should begin as early as can deemed socially acceptable and it really needs to start happening soon.  Ignoring thw whole problem by saying there is no place in public education  is beyond asinine.  Part of me almost wishes for a sterilization program