Christmas Songs that Suck

[Jedi_Master]

My tastes in Christmas music run generally to the classical traditional carols.  The most-played album in our house this time of year is a collection of Christmas carols performed by the King's College Choir (in England).  Most of the carols date from the 17th centuries or earlier (like the Coventry Carol, the Holly and the Ivy, The Carol of the Bells,  Hark the Herald Angels Sing, etc.) I also like some of the modern standards like Sleigh Ride, and some new, obscure ones like Kathy Matea's "Mary Did You Know.." and Carly Simon's "The Night Before Christmas."   I agree with a lot of the stuff people here hate.  Especially the sillier stuff that gets way overplayed.   Most of my stuff is made for peaceful evenings and candlelight. 

[Scott]

I do, however, like Springsteen's version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

I hate Springsteen and I hate that song even worse...AGGGGGH Thanks Mikey now it is my head.  They should have Bruuuuuuuuuuuuce and Dylan do a duet and rerelease it...It's Gold Jerry, Gold!

I really have come to despise Springsteens warbly off tune Santa Claus is Coming to Town.   Snoopy/Red Baron song is still the worst

[Scott]

That song...  Oh how I hate that song.

If you worked retail ever, you know the song I mean...  It's played constantly, especially in Penneys it seems.

It goes sorta like this:

Happy Holidaaaaaayyysss...
(group) Happy Holidaaaaayyyysss...

Well whoopty doo, and dickery dock
And don't forget
to hang up your sock
cuz just exactly at twelve o'clock

He'll be comin' down the chimney down
(Group) He'll be comin' down the chimney down

It's something like that...  I don't know its name, I don't know who sings it, and I don't ever want to hear it again but I know when I start shopping for the hoidays I'll hear it over and over and over, and I will simply want to vomit after about an hour in the mall.

I actually kinda liked the snoopy song, but only because I liked it as a kid. 

I also like "I am Santa Claus" to the tune of Iron Man.  It always makes me feel festive.

Things that stick with you about people...to this day I remember that Jesse hates Andy Williams

[Jesse James]

Was on my way to a banquet tonight and this was on...  I play the holiday music channel at this point and refuse to change it.  I endured this and heard nothing good on the way to the banquet hall.

I've heard Snoopy 5 times though this year!  That's a good year.  I know you hate Snoopy, but I love it and can hear it again and again.  That and Bing/Bowie.  Love Bing/Bowie.

I'm not a fan of the Springsteen either.  It sounds like it's live sort of, but then it sounds like it's fake live...  I don't get it.  Love Springsteen, but hate that.

[Scockery]

I dislike Xmas at this point in my life and most Xmas music in general. But anything Jingle Cats. The novelty wears off after 2 songs and then I never want to hear it again.

[efranks]

If I never heard Christmas music again I'd be happy.  I don't hate the holiday, but no other music is as insidious.

   E...

[McMetal]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Christmas music, and like Jesse my radio dial does not stray from the holiday music station until 12/26.

I can literally talk about this all day. My thing is, I like the classics, pretty much anything from the 40's to the 60's. I want the Rat Pack, Tony Bennet, Nat King Cole, Andy Williams, etc. LOVE that stuff.

What I hate? NEW CHRISTMAS SONGS!!! They almost ALL suck. They're either insipid covers of tunes performed MUCH better by older performers (Michael Buble cannot do Burl Ives, sorry) or silly pop songs disguised as holiday fare (if I hear that gd Mariah Carey song again I am going to vomit).

I also hate Christmas songs that are downers, John Lennon I am looking at you. "war" and "fear" and two words you can leave out of my holiday celebartions, thank you. And that stupid we are the world song or whatever whining about how "there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas." Guess what? There won't be snow here in Virginia either!

I don't mind the Springsteen one so much, although I am always annoyed when he starts laughing near the end of the song,  I assume when Clarence starts capering in his jolly Santa suit. Meh.

My favorite Christmas song, bar none, is the one I NEVER get to hear but maybe once a year: "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." Man, that thing is dope!

[BillCable]

U2's cover of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) is by far my favorite Christmas song and among my favorite songs overall.  Otherwise I'll flip to the station while driving until they get to one of the slow, Church hymn type songs.

[Jesse James]

Sad Christmas songs make me laugh too, but I find the John Lennon/Yoko (and I hate her) song to be good... the message is sound for the time of year and all.

The Africa one...  hah!  I forgot that, and yes it's attrocious.  "Thank God tonight it's them, instead of you".  There's a message.

I'll add in the song about some guy seeing some old flame...  That song, good god.  It makes you wanna hang yourself.  It also, for some reason, makes me think the guy singing it looks like the guy that sang I Like Pina Coladas.  I don't know why, I just picture a guy with a molester stache from the 70's.

It's a song that seems to focus on New Year's so I don't usually hear that one till after Christmas is over but it's a depressing one. 

Oh, and the kid getting his mother shoes so she can die.  Holy ****.

[I Am Sith]

I absolutely can't stand the Pointer Sisters version of Santa Clause is Coming to Town from the first Very Special Christmas disk.  My ears bleed every time I hear it.  Worst part is my wife likes it, so I'm swabbing my ears several times a year...

*edit*

I also have to add the Patti Smith version of We Three Kings from the third VSC disk.  Makes me want to slit my wrists every time I hear it.  How can you make such a ****** song and put it on the same disk that has Chris Cornell singing Ave Maria (which is one of the best versions I've ever heard)?!

[Jesse James]

I know Mariah's taken some flak in here, but, and not to turn this into another always popular thread in here, but...





yeah...

She can sing that Andy Williams tune aaaalllllll day.  Or whatever she wants.  And I'm asking for two big soft pillows for Christmas.

[Qui-Gon Jim]

Don't know what it is about this picture, but I think she looks hot here:

[McMetal]

I'll add in the song about some guy seeing some old flame...  That song, good god.  It makes you wanna hang yourself.  It also, for some reason, makes me think the guy singing it looks like the guy that sang I Like Pina Coladas.  I don't know why, I just picture a guy with a molester stache from the 70's.

It's a song that seems to focus on New Year's so I don't usually hear that one till after Christmas is over but it's a depressing one. 

Oh, and the kid getting his mother shoes so she can die.  Holy ****.

Dude, you took the words right out of my mouth!

That New Year's song is "Same Old Lang Syne" by Dan Fogelberg and god that is depressing. Drinking beer in the car with your old girlfriend who is now married to someone else before walking home in the rain? YEP, FILLS ME WITH HOLIDAY CHEER! And yes, he looks pretty much exactly as you would picture him...sort of a Kenny Loggins type.

"Christmas Shoes" is just outright BRUTAL. What kind of sadistic ****** even dreams up something like that? Your Mom is dying at Christmas?!?! And why is the kid described as "dirty"? Like poor people can't afford soap and water? That's a slap in the face right there.

The only thing that rivals that is that horrific spoken word piece "A Soldier's Silent Night" or whatever it is called about Santa sneaking into some veteran's squalid apartment and finds him huddled under a sheet on the floor or some god-awful depressing image like that. The thing that kills me is that it's sort of supposed to be a loving tribute to the men and women who so proudly served our country but it just comes off as a demeaning, ugly portrait of veterans as being ruined, friendless mutants totally unable to cope in society after discharge.

I shudder whenever I hear that, which thankfully is not often.

[Jeff]

Oh, and the kid getting his mother shoes so she can die.

Your Mom is dying at Christmas?!?! And why is the kid described as "dirty"? Like poor people can't afford soap and water? That's a slap in the face right there.

All my female relative love that song... and I love to get them all riled up by explaining to them how it wasn't some act of kindness, it was totally a guy getting scammed by a kid.  The little kid probably went right back in the store, returned the shoes and hit the corner to buy a dimebag.  The little kid might as well have told that sucker that he was a Nigerian prince who would help the guy get half his fortune while he was at it...

So yeah, next time that song comes on, try imagining that the little kid is totally a scam artist or pickpocket who's working the singer like a rube for a $20 to buy weed.  You'll totally gain a new appreciation for the song...

[Scockery]

Thos Mariah pictures remind me of the classic XMas song AC/DC's "I want a mistress for Christmas"