Part3: Charade

[Jediknight760071]

Again, I hope you enjoyed reading this....My ability to write good dialogue, IMO, is little to none, and I would've loved to have had some effects in this chapter, but this is what I've got. Please feel free to post anything regarding this chapter in here, I can handle anything you've got to say, so if you need to say it, please do. I want to know what you really thought of it.

[Ryan]

Looking good JK!!! I'm glad Saesee is such a bad ass!!! The ROTS pics had almost ruined him for me, he looks like an overweight woman in ROTS.  Glad to see he is as bad-ass as I though he was back during AOTC and the CW. He looks sweet with 2 sabers. One thing I found was a bit confusing was the scene where the security forces arrive, does Greivous think they are on his side or does he know the Republic aren't going to commit their forces to the planet? Oh and I did find one typo that you may want to fix when Saesee is talking to the pilot he says "I assumed WE was lying" I think you meant "I assumed HE was lying." It is just a minor little detail though. Keep up the great work! It is really cool hhow you are doing so much with so little space!

[Jediknight760071]

DAMN! I totally thought I nabbed eevery typo.  

Thanks for the compliments..I always thought Saesae was really really cool, and the CW figure gave him so much more character and attitude.

Now, it isn't that Grievous knows the Republic won't send forces in the future, it's just that he's completely obliterated what little force they had there in the first place...He doesn't bother with the Security Force the planet has at the moment because what he does know is that the Jedi are leaving shortly....(the scene witht he pilot). He'll deal with loose ends later.

[Darth Delicious]

Obviously the backdrops in this series are not as sweeping and detailed as the ones in Chewie or Lance's photonovels, but you do a great job of working with what you have, and some of the tight shots during the saber fight came out really well.

My one criticism would be that some of the "sets" look really cramped. For example, check out the pic when the security forces arrive...Tinn is standing close enough to Grievous to stab him in the back.

I agree with SLC, great to see Tinn get a little action. His ROTS film version is terrible.

All in all, I'm really looking forward to seeing how you improve as you gain more experience.

-DD

[CHEWIE]

Wow - a very action packed installment!!!

Jediknight760071 - this is a very fun story.

I do have a couple of suggestions (and loads of compliments!!!) -


SUGGESTIONS -

(1) If you can, a few of the characters (like the Antilles figure) would maybe be better suited if you customized them a bit.  I realize though that this can be hard to do (and very expensive).

(2) I love how the Jedi appeared and how shocked Grievous was... but I do think that using the same color of Battle Droids would make sense in certain enviroments... like on one planet, all red, another - all beige.

(3) Some battle shots don't have words to them describing the scene.  Not that it's 100% necessary, but for some shots a description of what's happening might help.

(4) Grievous and Assaj kinda get away a little quicker than I would have liked to see - and they got away a little easier than I thought they would.


COMPLIMENTS

(1) Man, you take clear pics!  You are a great photographer!

(2) These sets are confined, but you are finding a way to make it work!

(3) For not having special effects, I am so freaking impressed still!  Freaking great action shots.

(4) Saesee Tiin's double lightsaber was a shocker!  But so cool.

(5) You are making Saesee Tiin seem like the totally hardcore character I always thouht he could be.

(6) The storyline is still good - and I like how they are ordered to leave... that damn Senate!


Great job man - I can't wait to see the next installment!

 

[Deanna Rash]

 ;DNice