« previous next »
Pages: [1]

Author Topic: Part4: Left To Die  (Read 3628 times)

Online Jediknight760071

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 1450
    • View Profile
Part4: Left To Die
« on: April 16, 2005, 06:15 PM »


















Another sad chapter...It was hard for me to kill off some characters with a lot of potential, but I wanted to move the story along and get on to the more important, core elements.

Any criticism or commenting is quite all right with me, and is in fact welcome. PLease tell me what you thought of all this. :)
Logged

Offline Darth Delicious

  • Jedi Padawan
  • *
  • Posts: 881
  • Kneel...kneel before Wobb!
    • View Profile
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2005, 07:08 PM »
In this chapter I'm having a little trouble following what's going on...did the Jedi just abandon the security forces to their fates?

-DD
Logged
Back from the dead!!!

Offline Matt_Fury

  • Jedi General
  • *
  • Posts: 9597
  • I aim to misbehave.
    • View Profile
    • Every Action Figure Parody has a beginning.
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2005, 07:13 PM »
Not bad overall.  I think you might want to put in a small introduction to each chapter, just to keep the reader on track with the story.
Logged
This is the way.


I have spoken.

Offline Vator

  • Jedi Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 2072
    • View Profile
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2005, 07:53 PM »
Killing off every original character, eh? Not sure I like that as much I do the photonovels...but keep them coming, please.
Logged
- June 22, 2004 12:13 AM -

Offline CHEWIE

  • Jedi Sentinel
  • *
  • Posts: 14630
    • View Profile
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2005, 11:34 PM »
My only suggestion here is an introduction to each chapter.

Personally - this might have actually been my favorite chapter - basically because it shows two things -

(1) You aren't afraid to let characters die (adds to the realism)

(2) Having the Republic abandon a planet and showing the after effects is very artistic - and I suspect this could influence future chapters as to how other planets view the Republic.


Huge suggestion though - if you can, avoid using heads of main characters (Han, Luke, Obi Wan, etc.) if at all possible. 

My favorite part was having the droids hold their fire for Grievous to step in and make the final kill himself - man he's one bloody, cruel, heartless guy.   ;)

 :P
Logged

Offline Dimetrodon

  • Jedi Padawan
  • *
  • Posts: 657
  • Gort
    • View Profile
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2005, 03:26 PM »
I just read all 4 chapters. I actually expected trhem to be long like the first was. Wrong I was. But thats ok. Everyone else has pointed out anything I would have said in their comments already too.

but i will speak too.

I think the story can get jumpy sometimes, and one thing doesn't lead to another as much as it should. you insert a lot of random bail organa moments. they are fine, but seem random is all.

Logged

Offline Diddly

  • Jedi Master
  • *
  • Posts: 6374
  • SECede
    • View Profile
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2005, 11:29 PM »
The story is kinda jumping around a small bit, but everything else is good. Some of your shots are money. :)
Logged
http://diddlyscoop.blogspot.com
Twitter: @travis_banks

Offline Deanna Rash

  • Jedi Padawan
  • *
  • Posts: 836
  • AH ! Whatta you know a jedi
    • View Profile
Re: Part4: Left To Die
« Reply #7 on: November 23, 2006, 11:48 PM »
 ;)good so far and it is jumpy a bit.
Logged
The ablity to speak does not make you intelligent - now get out of here!
Pages: [1]
« previous next »