Author Topic: RE # 16 - CURSE OF DATHOMIR  (Read 9356 times)

Offline CHEWIE

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« on: October 30, 2005, 05:06 PM »
Ok, here it is... the final chapter of the Dathomir series... hope you all enjoy!

While Rykrof Enloe struggles to find a way back to Coruscant, a lone enemy battle cruiser looms over the planet on which he resides.

Although his initial mission to exterminate the Badoo Corba terrorists on the planet failed, Rykrof did manage to find their hidden base.  In doing so, he has obtained valuable information for the Republic.  Fortunately, the Separatist force did not discover the complex until after Rykrof had abandoned the base.

On the run with his new allies; Freelo, Traedon and Briss, Rykrof and his comrades discover a number of destroyed battle droids.

“These are the same droids we saw yesterday,” Rykrof says.  “What do you make of it?”

“These marks aren’t from any animals,” Traedon says.  “Looks like we have more company.”

“Let’s just hope the Badoo Corba aren't back,” Rykrof replies.  “If someone’s taking out droids here, maybe we’re on the same side.”

Meanwhile, General Snodd continues his search for Rykrof and wonders why one of his droids patrol units has not reported in.

Although he is concerned as to what could have happened to the group, he knows there are countless dangers in the jungle.  Smugglers have been known to hide on the planet, and there are always the dangerous beasts that inhabit the area.

And although he is confident in his tracking abilities, he knows that if he is unsuccessful, Count Dooku’s disciple will surely eliminate Commander Enloe.

Meanwhile, the group of refugees stumbles onto a heap of decomposing bodies. 
“What in the name of Valorum happened here?” Rykrof wonders aloud.

“Something’s approaching,” Briss then says.  “We better take a defensive position.”

Suddenly, the most horrifying sight that Rykrof has ever laid his eyes on appears.  Dragging the corpse of one of his troopers, the evil being known as Siriadne slowly emerges.

“I told you,” Freelo whispers.  “The witch!”

Suddenly the demonic being turns towards the group and roars an obscenity in an unknown language.

“Great job Freelo!” Rykrof yells. 

As the group opens fire on the hideous creature, Freelo runs off in fear.

In a blur of motion, the witch advances on the group…

…and tears into Briss.

Horrified, Rykrof and Traedon sprint for their lives as the evil Siriadne begins to consume the flesh of her kill.

Minutes later, the two exhausted comrades stop to catch their breath.

“It’s just you and me, Republic boy,” Traedon says.

“No,” Rykrof pants.  “Freelo’s out here somewhere.  We have to find him.”

“The fish took off to save his scales,” Traedon argues.  “He’s only slowed us down.  He’s useless…”

Suddenly, to Rykrof’s surprise, Traedon’s eyes widen as he raises his blaster…

…and triggers a direct shot into the chest of an approaching battle droid.

Rykrof then remembers that the witch is not their only concern.

Both men then layer a shower of plasma at the attacking droids.

Then Rykrof hears the unexpected yet familiar sound of a lightsaber ignite. Out of nowhere, a figure appears and dismembers two of the droids.

And the other droids are destroyed by a second Jedi.

As Rykrof comes to grasp with the sudden turn of events, he realizes that the aid has come from an old friend, Jedi Master Kala Mly Shundi.

“Am I glad to see you,” Rykrof exclaims to his friend.
“As am I, Rykrof Enloe,” the Jedi replies.  “But it is not I that found your location.”

To his surprise, Rykrof turns around and sees his closest friend, the mighty Wookiee Ralbarr.

Although overwhelmed with emotion, Rykrof feels a bit uncomfortable showing his feelings for his friend in front of Traedon. 

“Alright you two,” Traedone smirks.  “There will be plenty of time for that once we get off this hell hole.”

As the group prepares for an escape, an evil figure appears.

“Ventress,” Shundi says.  “Ralbarr, take them to the rescue site.  Kovin and I will handle this.  This is no place for you Rykrof.”

“This is no place for you either, Jedi!” Ventress exclaims.

Deciding not to question the Jedi, Rykrof and Traedon follow the mighty Wookiee further into the depths of the jungle.

Meanwhile the Jedi have their hands full with the dark side advocate.

As the dark woman begins to gain the upper hand, a hideous bellow erupts from the left.  “Jediiiiii…..” the horrible creature cries.

Ignoring the Jedi, Asajj Ventress leaps at the opportunity to face the abomination; now knowing this confrontation is the true test her master, Count Dooku, has orchestrated for her.

To her surprise, the living curse of Dathomir unleashes a terrible fury of dark side energy into her.

With Ventress rendered unconscious, the two Jedi cautiously confront Siriadne.

With a burst of speed, the witch delivers a Force push into Kala Mly Shundi and proceeds towards Kovin.

As the others continue to make way towards the designated rescue site, Rykrof begins to fear more for the safety of Jedi.

Many hours pass before Kala Mly Shundi awakes with a terrible headache.  Looking around, he sees no evidence of Ventress or the abomination...

…but finds the dismembered corpse of his apprentice, Kovin U’Delli.  Suddenly he hears the sound of someone approaching.

To his surprise, he finds a Mon Calamari smiling at him. 

“A Jedi,” he says with joy.  “We’re saved!”

As dawn nears, Rykrof, Traedon and Ralbarr near the rescue site but are discovered by General Snodd’s patrol.

During the heat of the battle an enormous Rancor is attracted to the commotion.

While the main droid force concentrates on the Rancor…

…Rykrof is astonished as he looks in the sky to see a Republic Gunship descending.

“Rykrof, we’re here to rescue you,” Freelo exclaims.

Dumbfounded, Rykrof questions the Mon Calamari as to where he has been, and where Kovin is.

“Get on the ship,” Kala Mly Shundi calmly says.  “It is time for you to leave this place.”

As Rykrof and his friends climb towards safety, the droids fire several idle shots into the air.

After subduing the Rancor, General Snodd receives a transmission from Asajj Ventress.

“They escaped,” Snodd says.  Alert the orbiting cruiser to engage them.”

“It's too late,” she replies.  “They’re gone.”

“The Nemoidian hierarchy will not be happy about this,” the general says.

With a hiss, Ventress replies, “I suggest you worry about yourself, General Snodd.  Prepare to evacuate this wretched planet.”

Back on Coruscant, the Dark Lord of the Sith meets with his apprentice to discuss the latest events.

“This was an educational experience for her,” Darth Sidious says.  “She managed to survive against an adversary capable of defeating any of the Jedi Council.”

“Yes, but was she not defeated?” Count Dooku asks his master.

“Of course she was.  But through her failure she will learn her own weaknesses …and the limit of her power.  This defeat for her will only refine her abilities.  Soon she will be ready to face the one they claim to be ‘The Chosen One.’”

"And what of Rykrof Enloe?  I am impressed that he survived," Dooku says.

"He is not important in the grand scheme of things.  Nonetheless, he has gained powerful allies, and may prove to be an asset for the time being.   But he will be dealt with in due time," Lord Sidious replies.

Meanwhile, Rykrof and the survivors embark on the long journey home.

“I can’t thank you enough for coming for me,” Rykrof says to his Jedi friend.

“Think nothing of it.  It only saddens me that you are in the position you are in with the Senate,” Shundi replies. “Although it is against the Jedi Code, I understand why you delayed your mission to Dathomir.  Seeing your family is important to you.  The Badoo Corba may have escaped because of your actions,  but it is important that you are safe, regardless of what some politicians may think.”

“Yeah, well I have a feeling what’s on this data cylinder with turn some heads,” Rykrof says grimly.  “It’s invaluable information, but they’re not going to like everything I found on it.”

“But no matter what they do, at least I know I'm not going back to that planet again.”


« Last Edit: October 31, 2005, 01:02 AM by CHEWIE »

Offline Reid

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« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2005, 05:56 PM »
Amazing CHEWIE, simply amazing. Did you use Owen D's Star Destroyer Bridge for the last couple of shots? One of your best chapters IMO. BTW, in any of your chapters will the clones switch over to V2 (ROTS) armor?

Offline MetalJedi

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« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2005, 06:16 PM »
Very nice Chewie! It was good to see Rykrof escape again.  ;D
I remember my dream now.

Offline jedistyle

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« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2005, 06:31 PM »
awsome chapter CHEWIE! there was some really nice scenes in this chapter.....

- your blaster, light saber and lightning effects look really good. they look like they could have actually been apart of the original picture! especially the blaster effects, very well done.

- there was some good blood effects and it was anawsome scene when the witch tore Briss apart, very cool!

- i really liked the scene where it looked like Treadon was going to turn on Rykoff, but blasted a battle droid instead, nice twist.

- there could have ben a little bit more light saber play between the jedi and Ventress. mabey 1 or 2 more scene's with them fighting in different poses etc.... it would have added to the battle a little bit.

- i was a bit surprised that Ventress was defeated so easily by the witch, i would have liked to see a little more fight between those two.

- i'm not sure if i forgot or if we didn't see, but did we ever see what happened to the other 2 clone troopers that split from the group? was that one of them the witch was dragging as the group looked on? did the 1 other clone get left on Dathomir?

- the over head shots of the gunship coming in where very cool. it gave the effect that we where actually on the ground.

- the dialog was really good this time especially between Rykoff and the Jedi in the last few shots on the ship. Alot of hints and things to look forward to from that conversation.

- i had a feeling Freelo would punk-out on them. will we see him ever again?

overall this was an excellent chapter with some awsome battle scenes and some good dialog. as always your effects where awsome, but the blaster and lightsaber effects really stood out as good this time. i would have liked to see some more fighting between the force users but the fighting they did do was cool.  i'm really anxious now to see what punishment awaits Rykoff when he returns to Corusant and if the data he found is of any help. this story ending leaves us open for a whole new mission so i can't wait to see what that holds, hopefully we will se more jedi in the next mission. the last scene and Rykoff's last line gives me a sinking feeling that some where down the road he will find himself back on that damn planet!

great work as always CHEWIE, it was very entertaining and very well done. your skills seem to improve with every scene. thanks for sharing it with us and i'm already feinding for more :P!!!!!

" The first soap was made from the ashes of hero's, with out pain, with out sacrifice, we would have nothing."

Offline Vator

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« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2005, 07:49 PM »
Yet another awe striking chapter to the Rykrof Saga! Your imaging skills seem to improve every chapter, and the Dathomir Series in particular has been a visual treat. However, if I had one gripe it would be that some of the pictures are a little too dark.

The texts to the stories themselves have also improved, and there just really isn't that much more I can say other than that!

Overall, not only a great edition to the series but a great conclusion to the Dathomir story line.
- June 22, 2004 12:13 AM -

Offline Nirvana

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« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2005, 07:53 PM »
Wow, CHEWIE. That was simply amazing. That was probably my favorite RE story so far, and just in time for Halloween. That was the first time a fig actually creeped me out. That witch of yours, wow.
My whole expanse...I cannot see...

Offline Greg

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« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2005, 07:58 PM »
Hey CHEWIE, as you may already have seen, I posted my comments at RS before I was banned incase you want to read them.

Offline hemble

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« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2005, 08:36 PM »
Great story Chewie I enjoyed every bit of it .


Offline In Rem

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« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2005, 09:26 PM »
Bravo, Chewie! The last sequence (from the confrontation with the Witch to the evac flight) reminded me a great deal of how Lucas likes to wrap things up... bang bang bang bang and done. :)

I'll miss Dathomir for now, but I think that's great. You left me wanting more. :)

Offline CHEWIE

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« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2005, 09:44 PM »
Thanks guys, I'll try and reply a bit more a little later, I've pretty much spent the whole weekend finishing this up so I have some things I still need to do tonight. 

And I'm sure someone will soon point out the screwed up eyes on Dooku.  I messed around trying to get them look more real, and probably shouldn't have done that.


Offline blaster_e11

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« Reply #10 on: November 1, 2005, 09:24 AM »
a very nice chapter indeed chewie,

maybe a lttle too dark , but hell, it's halloween ! ;)
"Wars don't make one great"

Offline Darth Slothus

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« Reply #11 on: November 1, 2005, 12:09 PM »
I want Rykoff dead Chewie...soon, but in an honorable purposeful way too. Nice story so far. Including -off- elements like creatures/witches-very good

Offline CHEWIE

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« Reply #12 on: November 1, 2005, 12:33 PM »
Looks like I got a bit of the flu bug today.  Can't even enjoy the new Battlefront game.  Yeeeuuuck!

Anyways, in repsonse to some of your comments -

HunteofthePegs -

Yep, I certainly did use the Star Destroyer bridge that I got from Owen.  It's so awesome, I'm sure it will be used a lot more in the future.  And there will be Phase II armor eventually, but right now the story is only about 8 months into the war.

MetalJedi -

Thanks, but do you think he's "escaping" too often?  I've tried to make the endings a little different lately, but I'm afraid of being too repetitive.

Jedistyle -

That's the kind of response I really appreciate, it means a lot to me to see someone taking the time to ask so many questions since I do work really hard on these.

I'm glad the effects seem to be getting more realistic, and that the blood seemed to work out.  I liked the shot of Briss getting torn up too.

You're right, I should have made the saber fights longer.  As for Ventress being defeated so quickly, I kind of did that for a few reasons - (1) I wanted the witch to seem even more powerful, and (2) She doesn't have a lightsaber, and I didn't want Ventress to get too close with those sabers or she'd cut her to pieces, and (3 I did make one other shot that somehow my hard drive on my computer screwed up.  It was just another pic of the fight.

The other two Clone Troopers - good catch.  The one you saw getting dragged was one of them.  Rykrof automatically assumes both must be dead... but there is a chance that one of them may have survived.

Freelo really isn't a "bad" guy, he just chickened out when the witch appeared.  He encountered her before, and is scared to death of her.  He will end up being a very important character in the future of the storyline.

As for the data cylindar, it will be kind of fun having Rykrof return to Coruscant.  He has become a small subject of controversy in the Senate now.  And Dathomir will be the focal point of a future story or two, but probably a little ways down the line.  Like Luke Skywalker says in ANH, "I'm never coming back to this planet again," - he does in the final act of the OT.   Thanks for the comments.  :)

Rotar Vader -

Thank you very much for the kind words, I'm glad the dialogue seemed to work out ok on this one.  Every once in a while I get really stumped on what to write.

darth nirvana -

Yeah, it kind of worked out well that it was in time for Halloween.  The next one will be a Thanksgiving theme - The Quest for the Holy Turkey.  Just kidding.

mister palpatine -

Yes, I read your comments there, thank you very much. 

hemble -

If I only I had some of your painting skills, I think these would look quite a bit better!

InRem -

I'm glad the ending seemed ok.  To be honest, I had no idea how I was going to wrap things up.  So I just took a lot of pics, kind of fitted them together, then wrote the ending sequence. 

blaster_e11 -

I was afraid it might be a little too dark... I think that's the direction the series is going, but not always so bloody.

Darth Slothus -

I don't think Rykrof will be dying anytime soon... the series is planned to have about 100 stories.  But when his time does come, it won't be a cheesy death at all.  Glad you liked the witch.

Thanks guys, if anyone has any other questions/comments, please feel free to post them here, and maybe we can discuss a little about the next couple chapters too.   :)


Offline Quazar

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« Reply #13 on: November 1, 2005, 02:41 PM »
Sorry I haven't posted long comments yet. I got halfway through the other night....This is another fan-freakin'-tastic story and I will post more soon!

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Offline CHEWIE

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« Reply #14 on: November 1, 2005, 06:25 PM »
Lance, no apology necessary.  It's probably going to be a little while before the next Rykrof photonovel anyways.  You have at least until Thanksgiving before I update again.  ;)